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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teen has has IUD fitted

28 replies

bookwormsforever · 25/09/2019 20:12

Without telling me.

We have been discussing sex recently, I thought she could talk to me about anything. She mentioned an IUD, I mentioned the pill. Tonight I find that she had an IUD fitted in August. She lied about where she was going, what she was doing. Said tonight she thought I’d be proud she had been responsible.

I don’t know how to feel. Shocked that she has lied when there was no need to. Upset. I thought she could talk to me. And worried. Her periods have been so painful since having it fitted and I haven’t known why.

How would you react? She’s 15. Has been with her boyfriend since January, but their relationship has been rocky recently.

OP posts:
Atalune · 25/09/2019 20:14

She’s told you now. So be grateful for that.

Is she using condoms, because I wouldn’t be happy if she was exposing herself to STIs and would want her to use condoms too.

It’s probably worth talking to her about a different form of birth control.

purpleolive · 25/09/2019 20:20

She's being responsible, and she's told you. She's old enough to decide if it suits her. The heavy periods subside (usually) after a few months. Honestly I would be so happy if my child opted for an IUD over the pill, the pill has A LOT to answer for the for the state of female teenager's mental health. Look it up.

Not many 15 year olds would put themselves through an IUD, I'd be proud!

titchy · 25/09/2019 20:21

Hmm Really? IUDs aren't suitable at all I'd have thought... does she mean an implant?

Regardless, you indicate you'd have been ok with her being on the pill, so what's the difference? Unless you're a family planning professional you don't really get to bring anything to the table....

purpleolive · 25/09/2019 20:27

@titchy why wouldn't it be suitable? There isn't a minimum age, though they say they're easier to fit in women who have had children.

titchy · 25/09/2019 20:29

I thought they were only suitable if you'd had children, or as emergency contraception...?

tryingoutgreyhair · 25/09/2019 20:35

It's one thing being able to talk to your mum in theory and another to bring it up that you're getting contraception. She has been responsible OP and it doesn't say anything about the quality of your relationship that she didn't tell you.

Let it go otherwise she'll tell you less in the future not more

EmrysAtticus · 25/09/2019 20:40

They can be fitted in women who haven't had children titchy. I had one before I had DS and there were no problems with getting it in.

Cohle · 25/09/2019 20:47

To be honest I think reacting badly will only confirm her belief that it was better not to tell you at the time.

I'd make sure she knows to use condoms as well but I wouldn't make a fuss.

Orlandointhewilderness · 25/09/2019 20:50

Tbh I think she has acted with maturity! She is obviously sexually active (not ideal at 15 I know but that horse has bolted!) and has made an appointment with a doctor, considered it then gone back for a potentially painful fitting. Better than the pill and I would be proud of her.

Yeahsurewhatever · 25/09/2019 20:56

At least you don't have to rely on her remembering to take the pill.

If you freak out she will keep more secrets from you.

Just make sure she feels empowered, she's being careful, she's not making herself vulnerable (are they being safe, having sex in safe places, no one is filming/has photos of her etc she doesn't feel pressured into having sex/having sex without a condom) also she won't wanna hear it and you won't wanna discuss it .but if she's doing it, it should be enjoyable for her too, not just him, she's not just there to be used by him. She can say no, even though shes said yes before. She's only doing things she wants to
All that stuff.

It's obviously not ideal you didn't know, and that she's 15 but it's not thaaat long that she's had it and she's been brave to go get it.
Those things bloody hurt if you've not had a baby.

Bouffalant · 25/09/2019 20:59

I'd be proud of her. She's very sensible.

Some young girls don't want to discuss contraception with Mum. I definitely didn't.

TemporaryPermanent · 25/09/2019 21:16

I'm working on a project with a nurse who fits coils in young women, and she would like to see them offered more routinely as an option because of their benefits. I think your dd has made a good choice which will protect her from pregnancy. I also think it's great that she's told you - says volumes about your relationship.

I'd agree that I'd think her young for all this and I'd want to talk more with her about how she is tackling STI risk but she sounds as if she has a good head on her shoulders.

LemonPrism · 25/09/2019 21:16

Good. Very reliable. Last 10 years. Not your fucking body. I was on the pill at 15, this is far more responsible.

dementedpixie · 25/09/2019 21:19

Is it the copper IUD or the mirena (IUS)? Mirena has hormones but the copper coil doesnt and can cause heavier more painful periods

LemonPrism · 25/09/2019 21:19

@titchy well that's very incorrect. Anyone can get one...

And they're non-hormonal which makes them great for teens

LemonPrism · 25/09/2019 21:20

@dementedpixie all contraception's CAN cause heavier periods. That's her choice.

dementedpixie · 25/09/2019 21:20

I'd stress that they should be using condoms too

dementedpixie · 25/09/2019 21:22

We don't know if it is the copper coil or mirena though. Mirena is often the coil offered

Original poster
bookwormsforever · 25/09/2019 21:22

Thanks, all. Could do without the shitty comments though.

I worry dd is young. She’s also in Year 11 and hav8ng suicidal thoughts, cutting herself - just found this all out tonight. Feel i’ve Failed her that she’s keeping things fr9m me, and feel so sad for her. Just want her to be happy.

OP posts:
Original poster
bookwormsforever · 25/09/2019 21:23

She has painful periods anyway! Don’t want them being worse!

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 25/09/2019 21:23

And if it is mirena it could also have effects on her mood due to hormones

YouJustDoYou · 25/09/2019 21:23

Well, as long as she's fully aware she needs to use barrier protection too.

thecapitalsunited · 25/09/2019 21:26

Hopefully your DD is being as sensible about STIs as she has about contraception.

I loved my IUD in spite of the painful periods because there was no user input required. I was 19 when I had mine put in and had no children.

LolaSmiles · 25/09/2019 21:27

I understand wanting her to talk to you, but she has been responsible and taken appropriate contraception

If she knows she can talk to you as and when she's ready then that's what you want at 15.

You've not failed her at all. You've been a great mum.

Holpop19 · 25/09/2019 21:30

I think she's shown great maturity. The coil is considered the most reliable form of contraception I believe these days and is commonly offered to teenagers. The mirena coil emits very low level of localised hormone and I think for someone of your daughters age would be the preferable choice over the copper, particularly if she has previously suffered with heavy periods. The mirena often helps with heavy periods and in some cases stops them almost completely. The copper can cause more heavy bleeding but has no hormone at all.

I hope my 2 daughters show this level of maturity and are able to talk to me about these things when they are older. I never felt comfortable talking about these things with my mum at this age.