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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14 year old and monthly allowance issue

39 replies

LeoTimmyandVi · 03/09/2019 12:52

Just after some allowance advice for my DD14. 1st of this month I implemented a new monthly allowance system - money each month to cover clothes, entertainment etc over and above the basic clothes and school uniform that I will cover. Also money saved every month towards birthday and Christmas pressies etc. All good, everyone happy with new system, agreed to support DD with budgeting and planning etc.

Yesterday, she went out to town with a friend and spent 75% of her budget on make up and tat. I am beyond livid and it gives her basically £10.00 to last her the rest of the month.

She had always been this way with money, but thought that trying to teach her to budget will be more helpful in the long term.

My thought (which I made clear to her when talking about her new monthly allowance) is she gets not another penny from me until next allowance on October 1st - but it is going to be a painful month as she will be limited in outside entertainment.

Any words of advice or wisdom. Any spendy children that miraculously became savers Confused!

OP posts:
LoisLittsLover · 03/09/2019 12:56

I wouldn't be angry - just let her experience the consequences. If you're concerned ahe doesn't learn from this then perhaps support her abit more with a plan for next month's money

thethoughtfox · 03/09/2019 12:59

Just shrug: oh, well. Let her experience the consequences and don't let it cause friction. That will come when she tries testing the boundaries and wheedling more money!

TheresWaldo · 03/09/2019 13:01

In my experience she will learn and get used to it. In the meantime, don't give her any more cash. Mine knows to save hers now.

Mabelface · 03/09/2019 13:01

She's learning a lesson. I wouldn't give any more money in these circumstances.

Piehunter · 03/09/2019 13:02

So the total allowance is £40 a month?! Including money to be saved? I got a £40 a month allowance for clothes, entertainment, above basics as you say, but my parents still paid for family gifts - if I wanted to get a friend something it came out of mine. But... That was 13 years ago. £30 spend on "tat" (which you're forgetting is what impulsive younger minds WILL buy) really isn't worth a "livid" reaction, just let her work it out! It's her money now so you've lost the right to tell her what to spend it on, luckily she'll be back at school and you can just (gently) remind her she has had full choice of what to do with her money. I do think you should be considering the "savings" bit, £40 doesn't go very far these days....

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2019 13:02

This is when you sit back and allow her to deal with the consequences of being irresponsible. The worst thing you could do would be to give her more money. As for the next month being "painful", oh well. She will survive.

pumkinspicetime · 03/09/2019 13:05

Don't be angry, your idea is working, this is how she will learn.
Sometimes if dc have spent their money and are desperate for cash I let me earn some money with a chore I want doing that isn't on their list.
Otherwise they have to do what the rest of us do and wait until next payday.

DoomsdayCult · 03/09/2019 13:35

Just hold the line. Your system is a good one. Some money lessons have to be learned the hard way. Better now than as an adult.

Original poster
LeoTimmyandVi · 03/09/2019 17:11

Thanks everyone - she doesn’t just get £40 a month but she has commitments to save for other things (holiday with a friend in Spain in October etc.) which she is aware of and agreed to - so she has spent most of her ‘fun to spend money’ on day one already!

We are going to have a calm chat tonight and try and think more about realistic budgeting and see how it goes.

OP posts:
MonChatEstMagnifique · 03/09/2019 17:26

Does she have to buy her own make up out of it? Even cheaper makeup isn't cheap for a few items if you need them all at once. I think it can be hard for teens who are given an allowance. Some months I spend next to nothing on makeup and clothes, other months I need more. We find it works better to just pay for stuff when it's needed. Hopefully she'll need less in the next few weeks as I presume she'll be back at school soon.

Original poster
LeoTimmyandVi · 03/09/2019 18:32

Yes, I do get the issue with make up, but she has about 4 (cheap) foundations on the go, tubes of mascara, multiple unused eyeshadows etc.

We have just had a cathartic clean out of clothes and make up (lead by her) so she can actually see what she has and what she needs and then I am going to support her with a budget. A learning process for both of us it seems!

OP posts:
notso · 03/09/2019 18:38

DD did this but only the once.
Prepare for lots of moaning and offers to do random jobs for payment Grin

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 03/09/2019 18:44
  1. It's plenty of money for a 14 year old
And
  1. This is how she will learn to budget
ColouringPencils · 03/09/2019 18:45

Out of interest, what is the going rate for allowance for teens? I have a nearly-13 year old who gets significantly less than this. Am I being very mean? She doesn't really organise her own entertainment yet and I would pay for that. Also pay her phone bill.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 03/09/2019 18:46

Perhaps you could consider breaking it down to letting her have the money weekly. So it would take her time to save up in order to blow £40 in one go. It might be a good in between step.

notso · 03/09/2019 18:52

@ColouringPencils my just turned 15 year old gets £30 a month and a £10 phone top up.
His sister got £40 at the same age but paid for her own top up.

RippleEffects · 03/09/2019 18:52

Its almost inevitable that shes going to get it wrong from time to time. Tough learning but isnt that the plan of budgeting lessons. My two teens are 15 and 13. One over cautious and resistant to spending. The younger just learning the joys of having some money in his bank. They have £5/ week into their bank account and each have a cash/ debit card to spend it. It means withdrawing cash is a concious thing. Changing to 9nline banki g rather than giving them cash seemed to help with saving. No loose change to blow on sweets!

As a teen when we (my sibling and I) went out somewhere on our own or off on a holiday with friends, my dad would give us spends and emergency money. It was there for if unexpected things cropped up. It wasnt ours and he expected us to repay anything we spent from it. It was sort of like an overdraft.

I wonder if having just the months money and no savings is quite restrictive on day 1.

If she had an extra say £60 as emergency money and then £35/ month for the next 6. Topping the £35 up to £40 herself from her emergency pot or keeping it at that size as savings.

fluffyjumper · 03/09/2019 18:53

That's a generous allowance. If she wants more then there are always paper rounds or babysitting for friends children. Make up is a luxury so this should be out of her budget. It's a good life lesson to learn whilst budgeting isn't vital to have food and shelter.

I read an article on parents who give thier I think 10 year old a big monthly allowance like £500 but they had to pay rent, a share of the Bills including food. And meals and trips out from the allowance. It was a good read.

namechanger0064 · 03/09/2019 19:00

Why don't you suggest her selling things she doesn't need? Both my children do it and it really helps.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 03/09/2019 19:01

My DS is just turning 15 and gets £30 pcm into bank account, phone/data and (v cheap) gym membership. His nan gives him another £7-8 pcm. As his social life currently seems to involve inviting friends here to drink cans of coke, trips to the local community cinema or living it large and going to Greggs that seems to me more than enough. I will be encouraging him to get a summer/weekend/occasional job next summer.

DD is £12 and gets £12 + phone/data and gym.

Lulualla · 03/09/2019 19:01

I'm completely out of touch. Like, I'm so far beyond the line I can't even see it.
When I was 12, I got £120 a month. When I turned 15 it went up to £150 a month.

My kids right now are 5 and 8. They get £20 a week. It goes into their piggy banks and they can spend it as they need to. The 8 year old would spend it all every week but is learning about his bank account and savings so is now choosing to bank half. The 5 year old won't spend anything; he banks it all.

Original poster
LeoTimmyandVi · 03/09/2019 19:03

The overdraft idea is interesting - at least in the beginning whilst she gets up and running.

Having an allowance isn’t new for her, I have just upped it to include a clothes allowance within it and to reflect that she is getting older.

OP posts:
Lulualla · 03/09/2019 19:04

@fluffyjumper

That's similar to my upbringing. I didn't need to pay rent, bills or food when in the house but I had to pay for absolutely everything else. All my clothes, including school clothes, my phone, my entertainment and activities, food if I went out with friends etc.

Luzina · 03/09/2019 19:09

£20pw for 5 and 8 yr old is loads, I don't think many parents could afford £2000 plus per year on pocket money for kids to spend as they want.

GoneToTheDock · 03/09/2019 19:25

My kids right now are 5 and 8. They get £20 a week

What the hell do a 5 and 8 year old have to spend 20 a week on???

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