14 year old and monthly allowance issue

[LeoTimmyandVi]

Just after some allowance advice for my DD14. 1st of this month I implemented a new monthly allowance system - money each month to cover clothes, entertainment etc over and above the basic clothes and school uniform that I will cover. Also money saved every month towards birthday and Christmas pressies etc. All good, everyone happy with new system, agreed to support DD with budgeting and planning etc.

Yesterday, she went out to town with a friend and spent 75% of her budget on make up and tat. I am beyond livid and it gives her basically £10.00 to last her the rest of the month.

She had always been this way with money, but thought that trying to teach her to budget will be more helpful in the long term.

My thought (which I made clear to her when talking about her new monthly allowance) is she gets not another penny from me until next allowance on October 1st - but it is going to be a painful month as she will be limited in outside entertainment.

Any words of advice or wisdom. Any spendy children that miraculously became savers !

Wasting so much money already is going to be a good learning curve for her. When she’s out of money by the end of week 1 she’ll learn to be more sensible next time (hopefully). Don’t give her anymore!!

@GoneToTheDock

It goes into their piggy banks. If we go to the comic book shop, they take money to buy a comic. If we go to the games cafe, they take money to buy yugioh cards. If they want a slushie at the leisure centre, they buy it with their money. When we go places with gift shops, they can choose a small thing and get it with their own money.
Once a month, we go to the bank and they can put their money into their bank account. They usually bank around £50 each a month, unless they've saved their money to buy a Lego set or something.

They obviously get money put straight into their banks by me for when they are older so they will both have the same base amount when I give them control of their accounts. But they can save as much more as they want from their pocket money.

I won't really buy them things. If they want something, they have their own money.

Why are you angry?

She's a child who has all her needs provided for. If she chooses to spend all her fun monies in one go that's up to her. My 14 yo would do the same. Which is why I give her genuinely only fun money. She can either spend it all on the cinema and Nando's in one week and then stay at home for the rest of the month or save it for a pair of shoes she doesn't need. Or even save it. I don't need to care. Because I know her basics are provided for.

@Lulualla do you not think that having £80 a month at 5 and 8 years old isn’t going to teach them how to budget though? There isn’t much they could want that is more than that, so they never have to save for anything.

Mine are a bit younger and don’t get pocket money, but in my head I was planning on 50p per year of age per week (so £4 a week for 8yo for example) so if they want something they have to save. If they want a magazine they have to decide if it’s worth spending most of their week’s money on it. Your children don’t have to make those sorts of choices so are they learning anything about money management (which is surely the point of pocket money / an allowance)?

@LeoTimmyandVi there’s no need to be angry or to sit down and chat about it - it’s done now, she’ll learn. Don’t make a big thing about it!

isn't that part of the learning process?

Natural consequences. Spend it wisely or have nothing left til next pay day.

@Kungfupanda67

They are. My oldest is really into warhammer. The models and paints are expensive. He buys a few sets a year by putting £10 or so into an envelope every month. They have a calendar in their room and each week when I give them their money, we look and see if there are any family birthdays coming up which they need to think about (they just need to buy or make the card, and get them some chocolates or something but they still learn that that's another £5 they need to put aside). Then I remind them about the importance of saving and strongly suggest they remember to save some money. They could buy a new Lego set each week, or they could put half into their bank and half aside for the Lego or whatever else it is then use a few pounds for the playing cards or comics they want. They almost always choose to put half into their savings. But if they don't, I don't question it.

I'm self employed, and they watch me doing my accounts on the computer (It's in the family room) and they ask questions. They understand the basics on incomings and outgoings.

@Lulualla that’s interesting, I like that they buy family presents out of their money. Not that I could afford £20 a week for all 3 of mine, but it does make me think I should put a bit of effort in to starting to give them pocket money. I tried it with my oldest a couple of year ago but I kept forgetting 🙈

You’re teaching her the best and hardest financial lesson -if you spend it all on day one that’s it gone. There will be no more. We all need to learn that one sooner or later!

Just like when she’s in student accommodation or her first flat with mates or alone, she needs to budget and be sensible. If she blows it on tat it’s her choice but she’ll be on beans on toast in her student flat for ages!

Stay firm though, if you back down and just give her some more money or a loan to tide her over or whatever it’s all gonna go down the tubes. She will expect that all the time. Better to stay firm now so she can learn.

It would be better to let her suffer the impact of her choices for the next few weeks and If you discuss how things went (at the end of the month prior to payday) and if then she feels she’d rather have a weekly allowance then that’s fine you could do that. She can then save up. Once she’s got the hang of her money if you want to offer her loans of small amounts so she can experience that you totally could.

It’s good to learn these things while at home. You’re her safety net. It’s a great plan.

Elieza, thanks - your post really makes sense to me! Thanks also to everyone else who has posted - it is really interesting to see how others manage money with their teens!

Don't be livid with her. This is how she learns to budget by making a mistake and spending all the money then feeling the pain of nothing else for the rest of the month! This is exactly the point of what you have done. You should not be livid with her just be nonchalant - it's her decision and her mistake, she lives with the consequences.

I'd also look at a bank account such as Monzo, as it has a great app for budgeting. You can also set it to round up to the nearest pound, putting the overspend into a separate pot. Let me know if you'd like a referral, as she'll get a free fiver. As would I 😉

I really think you should have seen this coming given her past spending habits. I don't think it's anything for you to worry about though.yes she may only have £10 for the rest of the month but you informed her of how the new system would work and she is capable of understaning the consequences. She may not like it but she will probably learn her lesson for next time and wont be so careless with her money next month. Some people find it a bit difficult to get their head around budgeting and I wouldn't have expected her to get it right first time. Next month talk to her agin about budgeting before giving her the allowance and keep explaining to her how it works until she understands that no more money will be forthcoming if she spends her allowance in the first few days.