AIBU to expect working DS to contribute to household?

[AuntieAl]

My 16yr old ds will soon be starting a full time paid apprenticeship. My dh and I both feel that he should contribute a percentage of his wage as a rent. Not actually for his upkeep, but more as a good habit for life.

He strongly objects to this, saying that if he continued at school as his two older sisters did then he would not be paying anything and we would be supporting him. As a family we are not well off and both my dh and I work hard and go without to ensure we do what we can for all our children. Both older girls went on to university and were/are still supported by us. Our eldest dd took a year out in industry and paid a percentage rent (which we put in an isa for her future, without her knowledge) and now she has just completed her degree, she'll be working full time and paying rent.
Our plan for our son is the same, to put the 'rent' away on his behalf until he is aged 21 (the same age that we supported his sisters) but we do not want to tell him this as we feel he will gain valuable life lessons about paying his way in the world.

I hope this makes sense, this is the first time I have posted so I am hoping for some thoughts or suggestions. Please be kind. 😃

I wouldn't ask for money towards food/rent at 16 but I would expect him to pay own bus fares, phone, save for driving lessons. Apprenticeship is a form of education & I can see why he would feel his siblings are being treated more generously. As a society we've really moved towards 18 being the age of adulthood. That is the age I would start expecting contribution to household.

I have always insisted that earning DC always paid a percentage for their keep once they had left school. I had too!

If you can't convince him now that his siblings who stayed on aren't getting a better deal you never will. He will bring the subject up as an injustice for years to come. Why not give him just a few months when he gets to do what he wants with his wages. Say after Christmas you will want money towards his keep. He won't be earning much in his first year. Also tell him that you are saving the money for him. He will get it back and will be able to use it for something useful.

You're not trusting him to learn about financial planning. Instead of we're just going to take it off you why dont you get him to put 10% into a regular savings account (where you commit to not drawing out for 12 months) so he can see it grow & a bit of interest.

Thank you all for your thoughts and contributions. I have had more conversations with him over the last few days, we have talked about budgeting, saving and the costs of running a household. He didn't realise quite how much just keeping our heads above water actually costs. I have also explained more about student loans and how although it may seem like his sisters have money given to them they will have to pay it back over the next 30 years (he didn't realise this, as he had just assumed they somehow 'had money'😩)
I have given him examples of how much money he could potentially have in 5 years time if he opened a savings account and saved 20% of his salary, which he thought would be a good idea too (without realising that amount could be doubled with the money that we have also put by from his 'rent')
To the people who said we are not trusting him, I believe that they are wrong. We are trying to prepare him for the real world. The government doesn't recognise that he is still a child in training, he will get taxed and have national insurance contributions taken as will every working adult and his child benefit will be stopped, this is the world of work/real life that he will be entering and it is tough. If we allowed him a 'grace period' of a couple of years as some people have suggested them he would surely find it much harder to hand over part of a salary that he had become used to spending as he wished, far better I think to teach him from the beginning how to responsibly manage his money.
Anyway, as I sit here typing this I like to thank you all for your different viewpoints and for explaining your ideas without judging. Have a lovely day all, and good luck if, like me, you're taking your DC's to collect GCSE results later x

OP I think you're totally right in doing this. As soon as a person is in a position to earn money they need to become adequate at managing it. Learning that living costs money and to prioritise saving for your future is a vital life lesson.

I wasn't taught this as a teen and my early twenties were spent frittering my very good wage down the drain as a result so its hugely important to teach teens about this so he doesn't waste his money.

It's also a generational problem that the current generation and my generation face of being irresponsible with money as we don't understand the value of it properly and credit is so easy to obtain, I imagine you will be saving him a huge amount of financial angst by teaching him this early. Stick to your plan!

I fully agree with paying his keep, where else does he think he can live free of charge? Very good habit to get in to.

First month’s salary is all his - ideally, he would use it to buy you a blanket (traditional).
After that he puts in a proportion, up to a third. It’s still your house, your rules, so no need to make concessions for the money.

How much do/have you coughed up for your daughters at uni? Put that away, separately, towards his car or house deposit after the two years for sixth form and three or four years for a undergrad degree that you would have funded.
Yes, he has to contribute.
Yes, you need to treat your children fairly.

Buy a blanket? Where is that a tradition?
I’m in Scotland and it was always you have your mum your first wage packet.
A blanket 🙄

Tipping up to your mum is similar. Blanket is from Africa, I think. I like it. Dd bought me a blanket.

It's a really hard one isn't it but I do think he needs to contribute, especially if things are tight at home. I see too many families where the parents are really, really struggling with debt and they have perfectly able working children living at home and contributing very little, if anything.

Could he at least pay you what you will be missing in Child Benefit?

Agree too that his first months wages should be his but I've never heard of the blanket thing either

He should be lucky he has two parents who can ‘put by’ his digs for him

I don’t have that luxury I have a 17 year old (and 3 school age kids) and am a single parent so when he left school after staying on till 6th year I no longer got child benefit etc for him so was a lot less per month in money to pay bills/food so he has to help me a bit.

We’ve gone over the amount I pay out and what it costs to run a household etc and it’s rubbish for him as his friends all are subsidised by parents and drive cars they were bought for birthdays etc. Luckily he’s very good natured and doesn’t bother and has never said anything to me about not being bought things just because etc.

I do think it’s important for kids to learn to stand on their own two feet and be aware of bills etc that need playing. My son would never spend his cash on himself if he could help me with anything first. Your son chose to leave school, great that he got an apprenticeship but if he wants to work then he needs to be aware of what needs paid and food for teens is expensive.