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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Daughter can't get a boyfriend

45 replies

Flutternutter1 · 14/08/2019 00:04

Many thanks for the add, this is my first post. I'm looking for some advice as I'm concerned about my 19 year old. She's a beautiful looking girl (just to give you an idea, she's done a bit of modelling, is 5ft 9 & a size 8). She had a boyfriend for about 2 years but he cheated on her so she's been single for about 8 months. She enjoys clubbing & being with her friends, but she's noticing that her friends are being asked out by fellas, either in person through social media, but she says no-ones interested in her & shes getting a bit depressed by it & wondering what's wrong with her. Don't get me wrong she's not gasping for a boyfriend & has interests & hobbies, but at the same time she would like to go on dates. Are there any hints or tips you would have that I could pass on. I've noticed that she's been at home more than usual as her friends are going out with fellas & she's left at home on her own. As my Mother used to say, she can't get a dog to bark at her! Tia

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 14/08/2019 00:09

If she wants to go out on dates, she doesn't have to wait until she's asked. Perhaps she needs to build up enough confidence to do the asking?

30to50FeralHogs · 14/08/2019 00:12

She’s lucky if she’s not getting hit on on social media or in clubs. Does she have any hobbies or work with many men her age? She’s better off just trying to widen her social circle and get to know guys naturally rather than having some letch slide into her DMs or whatever the young ‘uns say!

AquaPris · 14/08/2019 00:16

Well could she be intimidating? Is she exceptionally stunning or has a resting bitch face?

I find the women who get asked out the most are the doe-eyed, vulnerable looking ones - not the models oddly.

PickAChew · 14/08/2019 00:18

Fucksake, a boyfriend isn't a god given right.

And I suspect she's less upset about it than you are.

Men aren't the be all and end all, at any rate

TinklyLittleLaugh · 14/08/2019 00:30

It’s interesting. DD2 is very beautiful, quite geeky and sensible and rarely gets asked out. DD1 is sort of averagely good looking girl next door, very “giddy” and vivacious. She is basically beating the lads off with a stick.

It’s not just about looks.

Aprillygirl · 14/08/2019 04:53

She must have been about 16 when she got into a serious relationship, which is so young. How about you teach her that having a bf isn't the be all, and help her to build up her confidence and learn some self worth?

NobleRot · 14/08/2019 05:15

What Aprilly said.

And she needs better friends if the ones she has drop her when they’re seeing someone.

Mileysmiley · 14/08/2019 05:19

I a 25 year old man with a beard too old for her?

He is fit with blue eyes and a nice face he is also very kind and has good job. I don't know why he is unattached it could be because he is a bit shy. I would love him to settle down and start a family eventually. Two of his friends have recently had babies and I can see the envy in his eyes as he holds the little babies.

Mileysmiley · 14/08/2019 05:20

Is a 25 year old man with a beard too old for her? (I should have typed)

AngelaScandal · 14/08/2019 05:24

You want to hook up a 16 year old with a 25 year old??? Hmm

AngelaScandal · 14/08/2019 05:25

Oh my mistake. A 19 year old.

Isadora2007 · 14/08/2019 05:25

@boscois the girl is 19 not 16 🙄

Mileysmiley · 14/08/2019 05:27

ha ha I wouldn't want him dating someone that young.

When I was 16 I was dating a 24 year old and we were the perfect match so I thought. My mother wasn't happy about it but there was nothing she could do because it wasn't against the law.

BogglesGoggles · 14/08/2019 05:28

What does she do with her time though? Most of the time people meet SOs through work/study/social circles or in public places where you sit still for a prolonged time like a coffee shop or public transport. If she spends all her time clubbing that might be why.

Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 16/08/2019 01:08

Yes, there's no rhyme nor reason is there. She looks the way she looks & can't help that. I think people think that just because you're beautiful you can get the opposite sex falling for you all the time but it's just not true

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 16/08/2019 01:11

She works from home doing eye lash extensions, so she only meets girls. She goes to the gym with her friends & they meet guys there, but she says they don't show much interest towards her

OP posts:
Someonetookmyusername · 16/08/2019 01:16

Why is this your business?

Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 16/08/2019 01:18

Oh I would say she's DMed all the time, but it's not something she's replied to as she's always said that it's a bit cringe & she really doesn't know who they really are
I'm very pleased that she takes this attitude as it shows she's been using social media sensibility

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Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 16/08/2019 01:21

No, it's her. It's something she decided to do herself & she loves it. The moneys great & she chats away all day to her clients. It shows a great entrepreneurial side of her. She wants to run her own business, as she's never been good at taking instruction. She's got a strong personality

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NobleRot · 16/08/2019 01:21

I think her looks are irrelevant, or they’re relevant only in that you seem to think it means she should find getting a boyfriend easier? Does she think that, too, or is this only you?

Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 16/08/2019 01:24

It's easier said than done trying to get different friends. A lot of her them have just got their GCSE results today, they've done really well. This means that 3 of her close ones are off to Unis around the country, which will leave her even more isolated

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Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 16/08/2019 01:26

Can I just say folks. Thanks for your replies, I'm replying to your individual posts by pressing Reply after I press the 3 dots but it's showing up at the bottom of the page istead of under that post. Is that what you see, or are you getting the reply? 😊

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Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 16/08/2019 01:34

AquaPris
I would say you've hit the nail on the head! I'd like to put a photo of her on here so you can see her, but I don't want to put it on social media so some creepy newspaper like the Daily Mail can maybe plaster it all over their website (I know it's extremely remote but stranger things have happened). She'd be beyond mortified! I've been watching her over the past few weeks when were out & I've noticed she can come across as being aloof. People look at her when she walks into restaurants, but I guess she's not approachable. She doesn't know how to change it though, surely that's her personality. & yes she's got resting bitch face lool. She's actually really funny to be around so I know she's not grumpy looking all the time though

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Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 16/08/2019 01:41

NobleRot
No, not at long. I just think that sometimes the perception is that if your pretty or handsome then you have no problems, it can have the opposite reaction on some people. It just goes to show that everyone has problems. All I'm trying to do is help her to figure out why guys don't chat to her the way they talk to her friends when she's just as good fun as they are. That's what she wants to know. She doesn't want to be married off, she just wants to find out why they're not interested

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Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 16/08/2019 01:48

BogglesGoggles
It's all girls, as she works from home running her own eyelash extension business. She goes to the gym & meets up with friends in groups. She says that she could have a great afternoon with a group of both girls & boys. There may be someone who's caught her eye, but then she finds out later that day he's DMed 1 of her friends. This has happened quite a few times to her & she's been gutted about it. I don't want her to get down about it. She knows that fellas aren't the be all & end all, but at the same time she wants to sometimes feel like someone fancies her

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