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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Daughter can't get a boyfriend

45 replies

Flutternutter1 · 14/08/2019 00:04

Many thanks for the add, this is my first post. I'm looking for some advice as I'm concerned about my 19 year old. She's a beautiful looking girl (just to give you an idea, she's done a bit of modelling, is 5ft 9 & a size 8). She had a boyfriend for about 2 years but he cheated on her so she's been single for about 8 months. She enjoys clubbing & being with her friends, but she's noticing that her friends are being asked out by fellas, either in person through social media, but she says no-ones interested in her & shes getting a bit depressed by it & wondering what's wrong with her. Don't get me wrong she's not gasping for a boyfriend & has interests & hobbies, but at the same time she would like to go on dates. Are there any hints or tips you would have that I could pass on. I've noticed that she's been at home more than usual as her friends are going out with fellas & she's left at home on her own. As my Mother used to say, she can't get a dog to bark at her! Tia

OP posts:
AzraiL · 16/08/2019 03:26

When I was that age the beautiful girls never got chased. The boys prefered lively, outgoing, charismatic.

Broken11Girl · 16/08/2019 04:09

As pp said, most men won't approach a 5'9 size 8 model but will go for more on the pretty side of average, girl next door type look.
8 months isn't that long to be single. Is she actually really that bothered? Could she meet male models if she's that gorgeous? Get a hobby and meet men through that? Tbh I'd advise her to chill and let what happens happen though.

Mileysmiley · 16/08/2019 04:20

My daughter is very pretty and clever as well (proud mom) but she seemed to attract losers. One of her ex's had lovely long hair and could never get a job ... I said if you cut your hair a bit it might help! Another one used to sit on our patio smoking pot ... I did wonder what the neighbors thought. She is now settled thank goodness and has found her Mr Right.

Sunflowers211 · 16/08/2019 04:32

Why are you forcing her into a relationship for? For goodness sake wind your neck in and mind your own business @Flutternutter1 !
I mean that in the nicest way possible, but she is old enough to do what is right for her.

JassyRadlett · 16/08/2019 04:41

Jesus, @Sunflowers211, have you actually read OP’s posts? She’s not trying to force her daughter into a relationship. Her daughter is feeling down because she doesn’t get approached/asked out as much as her friends do. That sort of thing can mess with your confidence.

OP is being a decent mum who’s trying to support her daughter who can’t figure this out. Supporting your kid when they’ve asked you to is exactly a parent’s business.

edgeofheaven · 16/08/2019 05:01

I am tall and decent looking but I struggled to get boyfriends until I was in my early 20s. Meanwhile I had a number of average looking shorter friends in school and uni who always had guys chasing after them. So I think the height is a big factor at that age. When I went into the workplace and started being around "proper adults" if you can say that I was all of a sudden a lot more attractive!

Is she studying or working?

inwood · 16/08/2019 05:36

Having a boyfriend isn't the be all and end all. Having a mum who thinks it might be will be. She's young, just let her get on with it and don't idolise her prettiness.

Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 16/08/2019 12:50

inwood
Did you actually read my posts? Its little to do with getting a boyfriend & being married off, it's more to do with wondering why she's left on her own when her friends are getting a lot of interest from fellas. I l'mcertainly not pushing her into anything. All I wanted was some advise from the wide range of people in Mumsnet as to why this could be happening & if there are any tips she could maybe try. No biggy

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 16/08/2019 12:53

edgeofheaven
She works from home as she has her own beauty business & she only sees girls. I know exactly what you mean though. Working somewhere with a lot of people would certainly open her friendship group. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 16/08/2019 12:55

JassyRadlett
Thanks so much for backing me. That's all I'm trying to do. I love my daughter dearly & we talk a lot which I think is brilliant. We have such a good relationship. If I can say something constructive that will put a spark in her then I'll be happy

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 16/08/2019 12:59

Sunflowers211
Have you actually read my posts? I'm not forcing her into anything!! I asking for a bit of advice to find a way to help make her feel better about herself, not marry her off. No way would I do that to my children. I just love them & if I see they're unhappy about something & I can help them I will

OP posts:
Canareggio · 16/08/2019 17:49

Forget her looks. Is she interesting to be around? Is she good company? Someone whose life involves putting on fake eyelashes from home and going to the gym wouldn’t have got me interested aged 19, however good-looking.

Minta85 · 23/08/2019 23:19

If she’s very beautiful, guys could be intimidated by her and think she would reject them if they expressed interest. It might also be worth doing regular activity involving guys, where they can get to know each other gradually and naturally. This is how some of the best relationships grow.

Summersunshine2 · 24/08/2019 09:14

I've always though that looks aren't very important when trying to attracted the opposite sex. It's more about a flirty personality. Being interested in the other person and taking the risk.
How about making it fun to learn to flirt together. Watch some films, do some learn to flirt websites? Etc
Take the plunge and she do the asking?
Obv always emphasising as you already have that having a boyfriend isn't everything.
I'm sure she will he'll be fine and it may just be a case of time and going to different places.

Newgirls · 26/08/2019 20:08

I worked in a female dominated industry (brilliant btw) and then worked in male one. Got loads of interest then. She’s just not meeting enough people who share her interests/work. Meeting blokes in the gym/pub seems a bit limited to me!

Benjispruce · 27/08/2019 09:47

I wouldn’t worry. Enjoy the single life!

Original poster
Flutternutter1 · 27/08/2019 10:55

Lool my daughter's all of those things. She's really funny & loves goofing around!

OP posts:
Rainbowhairdontcare · 27/08/2019 11:03

It's really sweet if you to worry about your DD. I didn't have a BF until I was almost 24 and my DM never realised how depressed and what a massive impact it had on my self esteem. Some words of wisdom though, I didn't meet my DH until I was 33. He's one of the best looking guys I know and thinks exactly the same about me. Love will come one day :)

HeadintheiClouds · 27/08/2019 11:05

She’s 19 and just finishing a two year relationship... Ffs, leave her alone, what’s wrong with you?!

Redspider1 · 27/08/2019 11:54

My DD is nearly 19, had one boyfriend at 16 for 2 months. Intelligent and beautiful and picky, as she should be. Would rather she be single now , off to uni to have the time of her life hopefully!

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