Leaving teen alone for a week?

[Chelsea567]

What age would you leave your teen alone in they didn't want to come on family holiday?
I've not left my DD 16 overnight yet, but I've seen posts about 16 year olds being left for up to a fortnight. And posts about parents saying no to a 16 year old birthday party without adult supervision. Surely if they're alone for a week that's much worse than a party with adults returning at midnight??
What do people think?

I think that's shit. But there'll be loads on here saying its fab and they were left him alone at 16 for weeks and loved it.

Depends on the child. I’ve left my DD16 before for a long weekend and she has been fine.

I was left on my own for a week at 16. I got the worst thrush I’ve ever had in my entire life and didn’t have a clue what it was and thought I was dying. I didn’t have the knowledge or sense to go to a doctor and spent the entire week petrified but too embarrassed to ring my mum and ask for her help or for her to come home.

I also left the front door keys in the front door and only realised the next morning when I went to go out. This was in a very rough part of South London in 1996...!

I wouldn’t leave my dd aged 16 for a week or more. She could manage overnight or a couple of nights but I wouldn’t go too far. I’d worry she’d either be lonely or have something weird householdy go wrong and need help. Even though I know she’s generally very capable!

16yo, nfw

And tough shit if they don't want to come frankly

Depends on the teen. My ds...no way in hell...not even for a night. My dd...I was leaving her alone at a younger age than that. She is now 16 and I wouldn't think twice about leaving her alone for a few weeks. Then again, this is the USA, so she is driving and can do her own shopping and getting around.

Having said that, I wouldn't let her go to a 16 year old party without adult supervision, but she wouldn't ask either. But that's why she can be left alone because she's got more common sense than most adults.

Hmm. My oldest is 17, and I'd leave him for a night or possibly two (and, indeed, have done) - but no longer than that. He's very sensible (and is at boarding school a long way from home, so there's not much chance of his friends descending on the house, which helps). Even then, though, I think a couple of nights is enough.

DD is 15, and I'll probably leave her alone when she's about 45 as she is a loose cannon and can't be trusted a millimetre.

I think a lot depends on the individual child.

How far away are you going? Mostly when we've gone away for a full week it's been somewhere sunny so DS has chosen to come with us. He's declined weekend trips in this country for the last couple of years, particularly since starting work last September and only having 4 weeks holiday, he's more choosy about what he died with it. The first time he was left for a full week was this summer as DH and I went to Wales for a full week. DS has just turned 18, so would first have been left at 16.

It is so dependent on the child - have you seen Home Alone??

Would you be confident doing it? Is there a neighbour or friend of the family that can check in on her, just in case?

I left home at 16 and nothing really awful happened to me, nor did I ever go back (I'm now 35).

My DH was left home alone while his parents went on holiday with his younger siblings at about age 16/poss early 17. I didn't know him at the time but met him shortly afterwards and heard all about the party from the neighbours ...

Having said that, our own DD is much more resistent to peer pressure than my DH so she'd probably be OK I wouldn't have a teenage party without supervision though, this may be a family-wide view after an epic 18th party years ago

tricky one

OTOH I find MN over-protective of children - won't leave them alone for one night when they're 16 (dependant on the child of course).

OTOH posters regularly come on here and talk about their teens going to parties where alcohol is drunk, where they know their teens smoke weed, and/or are having underage sex .

So, on one level - I wouldn't over-value anyone's view here as a lot of people will have completely different values from you anyway.

Also, agree, it depends on the "child". Though personally I think its good to give teens some space and trust, it also really depends on the family, the child and the child's friends.

I've happily let my teenager alone overnight since he was 15, 2 nights since he was 16. 3 nights I'm not so sure. A week - I would do it - but there would definitely be some rules and agreements in place. However not getting along with DS16 at the moment, so would be wary about that one. It is better if they can stay with other relatives or friends or have e.g. gran come and visit - but not everyone has that kind of support. Are parents never to go away until their child leaves home?

When I was 16 I didn't want to go on holiday so I was left in the house for 2 weeks.

My auntie turned up the day before they got back and cleaned up but didn't tell my mum who was totally confused by the state of the house.

And tough shit if they don't want to come frankly

Interesting. It's ages since I last posted, but this caught my eye. Are you saying you would force a 16-year-old to go on holiday against their will? Can you actually do that? What if they point-blank refuse?

I've actually used this idea in a novel. I can't give too many details on here, obviously, because that would be advertising, but it features a girl of this age whose parents try to do exactly that, even though she's told them she doesn't want to. It doesn't end well - she leaves home altogether.

But I fully appreciate the concern some people have, regarding the state their house will be in when they get back. So I might ask her to find somewhere else to stay - perhaps with a friend - and let her sort it out.

I was left at 15/16. We left DS last year aged almost 17. His older brother was there too (2 years older) but I don't think they had much interaction. We had various friends on standby.

Why wouldn't you leave a 16 year old alone? My mum was married with a child at 16! Not ideal but at 16 they're almost adult so I can't understand why you would treat a 16 year old like a child.
One of my best friends moved out at 16 because of her over controlling parents.
I know kids mature at different ages but if by 16 they can't be left alone for a few days / week I think something has gone wrong .

I was 17 before I was left for any time, but I was working and driving by then.

leonard I would give the child the option of staying with relatives if they really didn't want to come.

I stopped going on holiday with my parents when I was 14 not sure I'd be prepared to leave my sons for ten days at that age.

I live in an area where neighbours have been tied up during burglaries. When my husband goes away, I worry. We do have lots of security stuff but I still couldn't leave my 16 year old.

This is interesting. My 15 year old DS has grumbled about coming on holiday with us this year, he's coming anyway because, well, he's 15, I know once he's there he'll enjoy it as we always do loads of stuff he loves (surfing, biking, boating to name a few). I wonder how I will cope with it if he is adamant he doesn't want to come next year. My mum and dad only live down the road but it does seem too young still...

I lived on my own (working, paying rent, running my own household) at 17 and not-many months.

I did. He was seventeen and was out of school and working. I needed to visit my Mum, who was very unwell in my home country. All was fine. He mentioned he'd had a couple of mates around for a pizza and a dvd. I made a joke to my neighbour about DS's 'wild party'. Very lovely neighbour says 'that's okay, I don't mind'. DS looks like he wants to disappear in a puff of smoke.

To be fair, he did a very good clean up job, though I did wonder about the mysterious stains on the kitchen ceiling, and he did admit that it wasn't much fun because policing your own party is really hard work.

For context, I had not long escaped an long abusive marriage, his sister was at uni and I had absolutely nobody to call on for help or support.

I left my dd for ten days at 17. It all went well. The kitchen sink got blocked but dd got my mum to come round and they unblocked it between the two of them.
Dd enjoyed the experience and didn't throw any parties!

I was left from 15 for the occasional night. At 16 for a few days and then however long by 17. My parents had a holiday home abroad so we're quite often away for short spells. I was pretty independent and my parents very trusting. I did have the occasional party! And boyfriend staying over etc.
But I was fine & quite enjoyed the freedom.
I'm late 20s now so this was 10+ years ago in London.