Leaving teen alone for a week?

[Chelsea567]

What age would you leave your teen alone in they didn't want to come on family holiday?
I've not left my DD 16 overnight yet, but I've seen posts about 16 year olds being left for up to a fortnight. And posts about parents saying no to a 16 year old birthday party without adult supervision. Surely if they're alone for a week that's much worse than a party with adults returning at midnight??
What do people think?

There are always 'I (/my friend or relative') moved out, had 3 jobs and was married with 6 kids and a mortgage by 15, what are you worried about' posts on these threads
At 16, imo I would possibly leave for a night or two, depending on the teen, but not a week. It's very lonely. I'd discuss why they don't want to go and if it's valid, explain why they can't just be left alone, and hopefully agree something like staying with friends and/ or relatives for at least some of the time, or having them stay.

I would give the child the option of staying with relatives if they really didn't want to come

Better than trying to force them, certainly. But I think at 16 it should be their own decision as to who they stay with, especially as I don't see how you could enforce it. They could refuse to go on holiday and refuse to stay with relatives. Or go to relatives until you're safely out of the way and then go somewhere else. As another pp said, if they aren't capable of functioning as an independent human being by age 16, something has gone wrong.
And I really don't think we should refer to a 16-year-old as a "child".

My Dd is turning 16 next month and is a really sensible girl. I am gearing up to leaving her for a night alone as she is getting to the point where she does not want to keep going to her Dads alternate weekends. No way would I leave her for a week.

I lived on my own in a hostel when I was 16.

However, that was my room and responsibility for whether it was trashed by having a party or not. Only you know your DC, MN can't give you the right answer for this.

16!I Was renting a flat alone at that age.

Honestly this confuses me as a parent of younger, but growing up quickly, children. If not 16, then when? 18? They probably still live at home and can throw parties. 20? Same goes.

When do people honestly do this and using which parameters?

I'm not being snidey it's a genuine question. I don't know if I'd feel happy leaving a 16yo for two weeks but the logical part of my brain says 'but they can move out and live independently at 16'.

18 is really a no-brainer but is 16-18 that different? Maybe it is, I don't feel I was a lot different!

At sixteen we’d do the odd night but usually packed them off to a friends as nicer for them. I’d not let a child decide whether to join us or not. At sixteen it would not have been an option unless they’d got something residential they’d prefer to do. That applied even if it was just the Isle of Wight. We’d not let them throw parties at our house either - cook supper for friends, a bbq for a small group of twelve but big parties no. I think most reasonable parents wouldn’t be supporting a sixteen year old to move out. The opposite is true; most parents support their children through the early years of adulthood when it’s very much a transition rather than at eighteen you can suddenly cope with everything the world throws at you.

Too many horror stories of youngsters being left and ending up in difficulty through peer pressure and social media invitations.

They still want to come on holiday with us if we’re paying and going somewhere nice. Luckily, our holidays don’t generally match up now.

I was left on my own alot at 16 as my mum used to point out she had me at that age. I didn't like it as I often was left with my 10 yr old sibling.

With my own I will be seeing how they feel about it and also judging if I can trust them not to trash the place. Luckily my 15yr old still likes coming out with us.

18 is really a no-brainer but is 16-18 that different? Maybe it is, I don't feel I was a lot different!

I’d not let a child decide whether to join us or not.

What it boils down to is that some people regard a 16-year-old as a child whereas others think they are essentially adults.
In my experience (and I have discussed this with other professionals), girls do a huge amount of growing up between the ages of 13 and 14. Boys tend to be a little later (it's in the immediate post-puberty period). By 16 they are at about the same level and the increase in maturity during the next two years is pretty minimal.

The age of majority was 21 until 1970, when it was lowered to 18. I doubt whether it will be lowered further because the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child confers additional protection to those who are legally children. This does not mean they are children in any practical sense, and 16-year-olds do, in fact, have some adult rights. (For example, living independently, passports, medical consent - and in some parts of Britain, voting.)

I think most reasonable parents wouldn’t be supporting a sixteen year old to move out.

Surely this depends on the context. We supported DS2 to move out so he could do the exact course he wanted at one of the few schools that offered it. Was that not reasonable? But most 16-year-olds appreciate what a bargain it is, living with parents and letting them pay the bills. I suspect those that do want to leave may have unreasonable parents.

I'd discuss why they don't want to go and if it's valid, explain why they can't just be left alone

It would be interesting to hear your explanation. Do you think they would agree with you? As I see it, the end product of parenting is an independent adult. Treating someone like a child until they turn 18 is, I think, unlikely to achieve that.

This is a light hearted comment and I don’t have advice, but one of my dds wanted to remain on her own at 16 rather than join the family holiday. Dh showed her the Scream movie and that was enough to get her bags packed.

Totally depends on the child.
I was left alone at that age with my 14 yo brother with grandparents checking in daily and helping with meals/cleaning/shopping but essentially we slept at home alone.
We were fine and didn't even consider parties or making the most of our freedom!!
We could both cook/iron/do the basics of house care as had parents working and would often be in first and start on dinner/housework before their return so maybe we were just a bit more adjusted to being self sufficient?

"Surely' if they're alone for a week that's much worse than a party with adults returning at midnight??"

That very much depends on the child. My parents were perfectly happy for me to spend a half term holiday in a foreign hotel (they were not in the country), because they knew I was perfectly reliable and would be happy to go to bed with a good book after supper after a day's happy pottering around the second-hand bookshops.
I doubt they would have been at all happy at the thought of heaven-knows-who turning up at our house for a party, getting wasted and potentially causing havoc.

We just left my 16 (17 in Oct) very sensible DS home alone for 4 days while away with DS2 who was in a football tournament overseas. My dad lives a mile away, DS best friend 300 yds away. He then spent 3 days in London with in-laws. He seems to have been on the PS4 when not asleep. No wild parties, but that’s not his style anyway.

We have regular opportunist burglars and as DD is unreliable at locking the door it's a no until she moves out!