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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD14 wants braces and I don’t know how to react

84 replies

Meanderer · 05/08/2019 14:02

Her teeth aren’t ‘American teen’ perfect but they are absolutely fine and given her Dad had dental issues and had a complex about them, and birth mum had jaw issues and corrective surgery to fix, I don’t know why we are even talking about it, I feel as though we should leave them well alone. Her dentist says they’re fine, too, any treatment would have to be done privately. We’ve become quite polarised because I see this as a cosmetic procedure and I just hate the idea of it. She’s a confident happy teen and I don’t understand why she wants this, and I’m stuck as to whether to honour her wish - it’s her body - or put my foot down and say no - when she’s an adult she can pay for it herself. She did tell me one of her Dads friends said in front of her (who also has perfectly normal teeth, but works in an image conscious industry) that ‘she regrets not getting it done’ when she was young. I’m angry with her too for saying it in front of our daughter, but I wasn’t there so not sure whether that’s fair. I feel as though her Dad has projected his own insecurities on her but maybe I’m being unreasonable- any thoughts/advice?!

OP posts:

31RueCambon · 05/08/2019 15:37

Im trying to persuade my son to get them. Other side of coin here. His teeth are ok but that doesnt seem like enough now.

Straight teeth seem like cleanliness now iykwim. Just a bare minimum.

LoafofSellotape · 05/08/2019 15:40

31RueCambon It has to be his decision as they hurt,a lot.

AngelasAshes · 05/08/2019 15:41

@LoafofSellotape
Yes, I asked my dentist to refer them. He said they were borderline and I might have to pay private. I said ok. The orthodontist checked and said my kids teeth were actually level 4 and they got NHS braces. Their teeth looked fine, maybe a bit off here and there but they had bite/alignment issues that were way out of wack.
However, my one DD who had the worst teeth was referred by the orthodontist for a tooth extraction (after first year of treatment). The first NHS dentist we went to refused because she thought DDs teeth were fine. What ensued was a battle between orthodontist and dentist. The result- dentist thought straight looking teeth meant fine teeth but the problem with DD was her bite- her teeth did not align correctly when she bit down...something a dentist can’t really know. The only way to fix her bite was to remove a tooth and shuffle the remaining teeth along her jaw. We could have forced first NHS dentist to extract the tooth after orthodontist put her in her place but I did not want my child at the mercy of a unhappy dentist. So I asked for and got a referral to a different clinic. Tooth removed no problem.

So just saying that major problems are not always visible to regular people or even occasionally an NHS dentist!

LoafofSellotape · 05/08/2019 15:41

His teeth are ok but that doesnt seem like enough now enough for whom?

LoafofSellotape · 05/08/2019 15:43

So just saying that major problems are not always visible to regular people or even occasionally an NHS dentist! It was the orthodontist who said his teeth were borderline,I think if we lived elsewhere we wouldn't have even been referred,as I said, I think there's a lot of funding here.

AngelasAshes · 05/08/2019 15:48

@Loafofsellotape
“Of course they do but that isn't what the thread is about,it's about a 14 year old wanting cosmetic dentistry that will cost thousands,”

To be fair, we don’t know if braces would be purely cosmetic for the OPs 14yr old. She won’t know if it’s purely cosmetic unless she takes them to an orthodontist and gets a professional opinion and what level/grade his teeth are. As happened with me, dentists tend to under-estimate the level/grade. Her DS may even qualify for NHS braces if level 3 because they affecting his self confidence.

AngelasAshes · 05/08/2019 15:51

Sorry OPs daughter not son. My mistake

31RueCambon · 05/08/2019 15:51

Enough for teenagers!!
Obviously standards in teeth just seem to keep rising. Straighter. Whiter.

Rangoon · 05/08/2019 15:57

The fact that her father and birth mother had dreadful teeth problems does not somehow make your DD's teeth better. My parents were blind to the extent of the problems with my teeth but when I raised it at a similar age to your daughter they paid for braces even though it was a bit of a stretch financially. I was self-conscious about my teeth.
When the braces came off I remember my mother being amazed by the transformation. I was always grateful that I had that opportunity and I'm still grateful today. I think that standards for teeth have changed over the years as well. There is more of an expectation of straight teeth. Straightening teeth gives results which hopefully last for the rest of her life. I can't see what the problem with cosmetic treatments is either - she's not getting a nose job - she's just getting her teeth straightened. Cosmetic dentistry would be stuff like bleaching and veneers. My children both had braces because I wanted them to be the best possible versions of themselves - that doesn't make them fake.

kidsmakesomuchwashing · 05/08/2019 16:01

Invisalign is less invasive than traditional braces and no one can see you wearing them.
My quote was £3000 for full Invisalign treatment including whitening.

OpenYourEyes · 05/08/2019 16:02

I would at least speak to an orthodontist. I had braces in my thirties and it literally changed my life.

LoafofSellotape · 05/08/2019 16:04

AngelasAshes Good point but seeing as an orthodontist appt will be private I can't imagine them turning business away.

One thing that is important OP is that your dd knows she will have to wear a retainer for as long as she wants straight teeth- they tend to miss that bit out at appts!

areyoubeingserviced · 05/08/2019 16:14

It’s probably going to cost you 3k +

Anyonebut · 05/08/2019 16:24

@ShirleyPhallus, "I know a number of adults who had “fine” teeth as children but they’ve got progressively worse as adults to the point of needing Invisalign at significant cost"
This may have nothing to do with the fact that they didn't fix their teeth as children/teens. Teeth keep moving around throughout your life.
I had non permanent braces for a jaw issue, but my teeth were otherwise fine. Fast forward to "late" erupting wisdom teeth and 2 pregnancies and my 2 front teeth now overlap slightly, nothing to do with them deteriorating because I didn't have braces as a teen.

PegasusReturns · 05/08/2019 16:31

Can you afford it? If you can get it done. If you can't then you need to tell her you can't and the idea is firmly off the table.

ShirleyPhallus · 05/08/2019 16:32

@anyonebut that’s kind of my point. As a child I thought your teeth were very moveable so better to get “average” teeth to good then so that they’re not so bad for when your teeth move around when you’re older

You’re also meant to keep wearing a retainer once you’ve had braces which I don’t think anyone really does, but that would stop your teeth moving further

Anyonebut · 05/08/2019 16:36

Retainers weren't the done thing back in my day, but I agree they might have helped. However that would mean that anyone with naturally straight teeth should get a retainer just in case.

Bellatrix14 · 05/08/2019 16:38

I would take her to an orthodontist for an assessment and quote. Lots of orthodontists do monthly payment plans. It may only be £100/mo for a couple years.

£100 a month for several years is a lot of money for many families...

If there’s anything actually wrong with her teeth that might cause her problems in later life then it might be worth looking in to having it done privately if you can afford it. If it’s simply for cosmetic reasons (she wants perfectly straight/white Hollywood style teeth which very few people have naturally) then I wouldn’t entertain the idea personally. I don’t think a previous poster’s comparison to it being like a boob job is that far off in those circumstances and if it’s something she really wants she can pay for it as an adult?

JustDanceAddict · 05/08/2019 16:39

DS has braces. To look at him you wouldn’t think anything was wrong, but he got them on the nhs. It’s to do with bite/alignment.go see an orthodontist or get a second opinion from a dentist

LoafofSellotape · 05/08/2019 16:39

However that would mean that anyone with naturally straight teeth should get a retainer just in case

No because straight is their natural position,when you have braces and don't use a retainer the teeth will move back to their natural position which is crooked- apparently teeth constantly fight to go back to what they were originally.

TabbyStar · 05/08/2019 16:41

My DD wanted braces but as there wasn't actually anything wrong with her teeth the dentist said no because it could mess up her bite. She had veneers in the end, I wasn't really happy about it as I didn't think there was anything wrong but she's definitely happier.

reluctantbrit · 05/08/2019 16:41

Have you had an opinion from an orthodontist? Normal dentists are not qualified enough to really give an opinion on this.

DD had issues with a crossbite when she was 9, corrected with retainers but she still has an issue which NHS sees as cosmetic only but the orthodontist thinks there may be issues in the future, especially as the teeth are still moving and the small problem can get larger. He recommends braces in a years time when all last molars are through.

By accident they gave us a quote for the dental work for an adult, not a teen, it is twice the amount due to the longer time as children teeth move quicker than adults.

I also had some colleagues who got braces as adults and they paid a small fortune, one said he could have bought a decent size family car for it. But obviously 30 + years ago braces weren't deemed so necessary as they are now.

I don't see braces as cosmetic work, you only have one set of teeth, you need to know they are cared for the best you can.

Loopytiles · 05/08/2019 16:42

Much depends on whether it is affordable.

If it is, then agree with PPs on getting professional opinion(s).

Original poster

Meanderer · 05/08/2019 17:37

Thanks so much everyone for all the information- some of my reluctance is the potential knock on effects - can it only ever be a good thing, or can braces cause problems? Her Dad is saying he doesn’t see a problem with metal braces and he would find the money (we are separated) but if we were to go ahead I’d want her to have Invisalign as I’m not keen on her having metal in her mouth, a sort of gut instinct about that. (Her Dad has a nickel allergy)
The thing about her genetics is a feeling that her body has seemingly found a way to make it work, and I’m wary of mucking about with that.
Re seeing an orthodontist, how are you gonna get an independent unbiased opinion from someone who is selling you a service? Is there a way you can do that and know it’s unbiased?

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 05/08/2019 17:40

Look for recommendations and consult a couple.

So you’re personally unable or unwilling to pay?

Does your ex know much about potential costs?

Invisalign is super expensive. Think you’re being U about metal braces unless you have evidence that DD has metal allergies.

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