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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenage girls on instagram - is this normal?

51 replies

Pebbles574 · 01/08/2019 14:12

I have two older teenage boys so have very little experience of teen girls (none in family, for example).

Yesterday my 16 year old was scrolling through his instagram from my laptop in the kitchen (phone was charging upstairs) and left it logged in. When I came to use it I noticed a post from the 15 year old daughter of some friends of ours who are currently on holiday. She was topless, but turned to one side so you couldn't see her nipples and was wearing a thong bikini exposing virtually all her bum and was sitting astride a chair in a fairly provocative way.
OK, I'll admit it, I was a bit shocked, so I was nosey and looked at this, and some other of her posts. It had over 400 likes and when I looked at her profile she has nearly 1000 followers. Some of the comments were clearly not from schoolfriends but were from companies and agencies etc. Some were a bit Hmm but lots were about 'nice peaches' etc and requests to DM etc.

I had a quick scroll and it seems as if nearly all the teenage girls are doing this while they're on holiday - scantily clad, posing like porn stars, pouting, wide legs, licking things Hmm and they all seemed to have many, many more followers than they must know people in real life.

Is this really how it is? I can't believe my friends know about this and would be happy about it. Just a few weeks ago they were telling us that she's quite young for her age and not really into boys yet Hmm

Is this really what teen girls are doing these days? Do you monitor or have any idea what your daughter posts? Would you want to know about this sort of stuff?

OP posts:
FaithHowellsYellowCoat · 01/08/2019 14:18

I’ve been a bit shocked by this too. I have my niece on Instagram and I clicked on some of her friends once. Poses in their underwear or topless, sexually suggestive. One is 15 and both her parents are teachers! The mum comments positively on her pictures. I am not shaming them but it does concern me a bit that they feel the need to do this. Also that the pictures are out there on the Internet forever.

jarviscockerslover · 01/08/2019 14:22

I have no experience in this but as a daughter of five years old I'm really quite sad if this is the future!

Original poster
Pebbles574 · 01/08/2019 14:30

Faith - yes, that's something I noticed too - their mums commenting. I think it wouldn't seem so bad if it was one bikini photo in amongst other things e.g. on a boat, sightseeing, a meal etc, but they all seem to be in a similar vein.
And so many followers! I just feel it makes them very vulnerable.

OP posts:
FaithHowellsYellowCoat · 01/08/2019 21:40

Yes that’s what I saw - all the pictures were the same. My niece doesn’t have many like this but I think I will mention it to her mum anyway, I don’t know if she knows what DN posts.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 01/08/2019 21:41

Normal? Sadly yes Sad
Right? Appropriate? No.

Linneasweet · 01/08/2019 21:46

My daughter's old primary school friends does this. Makes me sick. Can't believe the parents either don't check their insta account or care, I would be fuming if mine did it. Not sure if any connection but I have noticed it's mainly the ones who went to mixed secondary schools rather than the girl schools ones but maybe just a coincidence.

womblessofwimbledon · 01/08/2019 21:56

I help run a youth group for 10-14year olds.
We do an internet safety with the kids. It shocks me looking at the girls insta accounts. It's always the girls too.
We talk about the permanent nature of the internet and if you wouldn't stand up during a school assembly and pose why would you do it online.

I also have a very good piece done by a leader which shows how easy it is to track someone down.

That always scares them a bit, we also do a search on one of the leaders or their parents to see what is out on the web.

FaithHowellsYellowCoat · 01/08/2019 21:58

Linneasweet that’s interesting. Though the girl I mention with the teacher parents goes to an all girls school, which both the parents teach at 🤦🏻‍♀️

Arewedone · 02/08/2019 03:05

Dd is 16, doesnt post those kind of photos but will often show me the posts from her extended friends which are overtly sexual. There seems to be a need amongst the girls to be seen as desirable, especially to illicit likes/comments from certain boys , but some of these images do verge on soft porn. My DS 18 tells me the boys at school save the images for their “wank banks”Confused it’s so sad that girls are devaluing themselves and that it has become normalised through social media.

Mary8076 · 06/08/2019 05:01

That is the reason I think Parental control should be still activated on teens phones and parents still need to actively use it.

notacooldad · 06/08/2019 05:07

Unfortunately with a iot of the teenage girls I work with it is very common.
No matter how many internet safety course we run or 1:1 sessions we do about keeping yourself safe they wont change.
Even when photos that are a lot worse are posted and circulated and police have become involved they still do it.

I dont know what the answer is.

EdWinchester · 06/08/2019 05:19

My 17 year old son has one particular girl friend whose instagram is one picture after another of her tits and arse, (plus eyebrows and pouty lips).

She’s 17 and looks 30 in the photos and some of the comments are awful. Her mum (friend of mine) thinks it’s fine.

JustDanceAddict · 06/08/2019 08:09

Thankfully my DD doesn’t - she posts stuff but not provocative. Loads of her peers do though and it is shocking.
It is very common, but my Dd doesn’t run in those circles and is more quirky!

anotheryearover · 06/08/2019 08:18

Yep, I'm afraid it is. Never ceases to amaze me how pornified some of these Instagram posts are. I have close friends who's daughter has been posting similar for several years, and I know for a fact her dad would have a fit if he saw them. Fortunately for her he doesn't do social media.

Daddylonglegs1965 · 06/08/2019 09:09

Fortunately my DD 14 has an Insta account set up to post photos of our dog she doesn’t get involved in the provocative pouty pose photos.
It does seem the especially around the ‘popular girls’ or the girls who desperately want to be ‘popular’. It also starts with some in junior/primary school.

WarriorsAll · 06/08/2019 09:10

My dd stopped doing the pout trout thing very soon after she started at 13, I googled pout trout and showed her the images - they didn't look very cool! She then returned to smiling normally in photos. Her friends aren't very body confident - so this doesn't seem to be a problem for their group.

skippy67 · 06/08/2019 12:39

Yes it's normal. Also normal for them to have 2 insta accounts. One that parents have access to, and another one where they can post those sorts of pics where parents won't see them.

Original poster
Pebbles574 · 06/08/2019 13:12

Yes - my son says everyone has a 'private' account for that very reason - to post photos they don't want parents to see!

@anotheryearover have you ever thought about telling her dad or do you fear repercussions?

A friend of mine was concerned about something she saw on her DD's Instagram from another girl and mentioned it to her mother. The mum flew off the handle at my friend and told her she was 'creepy and weird' and 'shouldn't have been looking' Hmm The fact that it was an open account visible to all manner of strangers and weirdos and her daughter had hundreds of followers seemed to pass her by Confused.

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TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 06/08/2019 13:24

Yes: if you think you've seen your DD's insta account and it's fine because she would never pose like that, just be aware that the two accounts thing is very usual. Some teens have two phones...

SushiTime · 06/08/2019 13:28

I'm only late 20s so not THAT old but it's so worrying. They think they're actually Tammy hembrow. My cousin is 20 and I cringe when I see her insta pics, especially the holiday ones, it is soft porn and family all talk about her. Non of my friends post these pics.

I wish they would look up to accounts like Louise Thompson, Lorna luxe, Lydia Millen etc. They're really good role models and gorgeous aswell.

FaithHowellsYellowCoat · 06/08/2019 14:18

That’s a very weird reaction Pebbles I really don’t understand these parents.

Sushi they still have lip fillers and cosmetic surgery though and basically just sell clothes and a lifestyle that most girls that age can’t afford though.

DirtyDennis · 06/08/2019 14:24

@SushiTime Just looked up Tammy Hembrow on Instagram.... is she actually human? She looks like a Plasticine model made by a child. Do young people seriously aspire to look and be like this? Sad

SushiTime · 06/08/2019 14:26

@FaithHowellsYellowCoat yes I see where you're coming from but I'd rather my daughter aspired to be like them and want nice clothes than not wearing any.

SushiTime · 06/08/2019 14:27

@DirtyDennis afraid so. If only I could share my cousins insta with you, she copies the poses etc it's really quite tragic.

HarrietSchulenberg · 06/08/2019 14:29

Whenever I notice scantily clad teens on my teenagers' Insta feeds, I bellow "Tell her/him to put a cardi on". Eldest ds has been known to try posting semi-naked muscle pics (he's not muscly) and received a similar online comment from his doting mother.