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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What are your 13yr olds doing this Summer

43 replies

Hedgyhoggy · 28/07/2019 23:53

Ds (13) is my eldest, there is also ds(10) with quite challenging SNs and dd (6), we also live in a rural quite isolated area. These factors make it quite tricky for him to independently access activities and family activities tend to focus around the other 2 dc. I take him occasionally to meet friends and my dh and I take it in turns to do something with him. He helps out at home, plays on Xbox, loves playing football but club is broken up for the Summer. He’ll take home self off for a bike ride. Friends are welcome but he doesn’t have many who he’d invite at the moment as he is moving schools in September and this has caused a few issues. What are your 13 year olds doing? Feel like he needs to be more productive

OP posts:

SnuggyBuggy · 29/07/2019 07:32

To be honest unless they have friends nearby I imagine most teens don't have anything better to do in the summer holidays. I used to find them boring at this age.

Skyejuly · 29/07/2019 07:34

Same situ. Mine are constantly bored

NancyJoan · 29/07/2019 07:37

My DD did a week of drama last week, and had some art classes this week. Are there any organised things like that that that you can take him to? Somewhere must run a football course.

Other than that, DD will be watching tv, drawing, having friends over/going to theirs,occasionally going to the shops. We don’t have ‘a plan’.

RedSkyLastNight · 29/07/2019 07:46

Watch too much YouTube and Netflix and hang out with friends (actually, not really even close friends, just whoever is available).

She's helped a bit with decorating DS's room and we are away on family holiday soon.
She would be sat at home doing not much if she didn't have friends nearby. If I was in the situation where my DC couldn't do much, I think I'd end up facilitating more.

We do have "rules" such as household chores that have to be done and insist that they leave the house at some point during the day!

autumnboys · 29/07/2019 07:53

Mine us currently doing a week of scout camp, next week we are camping at a Christian festival where he has chosen to volunteer. We have a weekly family holiday later on. He has some school work, as he starts his GCSEs in September.

It's hard to entertain them at this age, when they're a spread. I also have a 15yo and. 9yo with mild SN. If you can bear it, taking a friend for him might help if you’re doing days out and they can go off together (in reason).

Bunnybigears · 29/07/2019 07:58

Hanging about the streets with his friends.
He is booked on three 2 day cricket camps and one 4 day multi sports camp.
He will be doing a few days at his Nanas.

Decormad38 · 29/07/2019 08:04

DD is 13 but unlike my eldest (19) she has lots of friends at this age. If I try to plan activities they get in the way of her social life. We do live in the city so she's very close to any friends also. She's happy to come on holiday today as all her friends are away at the same time! It's a tricky age that's for sure.

Daphnesmate · 02/08/2019 14:52

I was relieved to see some of these posts because I am feeling quite stressed out about my 13 year old dd.

She reports that she has friends at school, yet is making very little effort to arrange meet ups (wondering if her confidence is lacking). We live in a village so likewise, transport is required. Also have 3 dcs with age gaps that can make getting to things difficult. My dd doesn't seem to move far from the house unless prompted and for some reason I find it difficult to watch. She has showed an interest in doing some voluntary work next Summer hols and I think this is what she needs but will obviously need arranging. The Summer hols, imo are too long, not to see peers or be properly stimulated, for various reasons including the difference in age gaps, I am finding this long break stressful. However, one positive thing is, I have arranged for dc2 to attend a lovely holiday club - dc really enjoys going and it seems like a lovely environment (dc2 is high energy/very sociable etc.) and this has definitely been a positive thing. However, eldest dc is too old for all of this and because I am trying to organise my younger two and she is swanning around painting her nails/trying on clothes day after day, this is getting a little wearing - I try to constantly remind myself that she is just a child and entitled to do all of these things, except she is almost the same size as me which makes it hard sometimes. Also, we have no extended family. Family holiday sadly already behind us - we all had a wonderful time including eldest dd.

Chasingsquirrels · 02/08/2019 15:00

He went away with his dad & family as soon as school finished for two weeks so isn't back until next Thursday.
Then we are away from Monday to Friday.
A week at home and then he'll be away with his dad for another week and that's pretty much the holidays gone 😲.

When he home he'll play on gadgets (probably the biggest time user), play uhgioh with his older brother, draw, read, go out on his bike to see a friend (and play with gadgets), walk the dog, go for a run.
We will probably meet with friends one day at a local NT place, maybe lunch out wkth my mum another day.

He wants a job (16yo is a lifeguard) but is too young in this area.
My mum has said he can do gardening jobs for her, so maybe he'll stay over one of the days we are home and do that.

Daphnesmate · 02/08/2019 15:08

That seems all good stuff Chasing. It would have been great if dd had some sort of camp to attend to break things up but she gave up most of her organised activities around the age of 10 and hasn't resumed anything (despite me encouraging her). Perhaps I should have seen this coming and perhaps I am just worrying too much and it is good for her to have some downtime but I think I just expected her to meet up with friends etc. a bit more and I get quite concerned that she isn't that motivated to leave the house (unless there is something very obvious in it for her). Next year, hopefully, she will be old enough to do some sort of voluntary work - definitely going to be more prepared next year! Just when I've got dc2 sorted, dc1 becomes the issue.

Chasingsquirrels · 02/08/2019 15:18

It reads like all good stuff, but the screen time far outweighs all the other stuff combined, it's probably a good job he is away for most of the summer 🤣

SnuggyBuggy · 02/08/2019 15:24

The tricky thing I found in my teens is that I didn't want to be driven to things by parents anymore and wanted to just make my own plans. It's difficult when a teen doesn't live near their friends but is too old for playdates.

Benjispruce · 02/08/2019 15:28

DD15 is bored. Started a weekend job which helps. ‘All my friends are in holiday this week ‘ has been heard. I’ve taken her clothes shopping and to the cinema and she’s done ALL of her summer homework.She’s walked the dog lots and cooked dinner twice. Not much else I can do. Sometimes they just have to experience being bored.
I work term time too so I’m adjusting but quite happily filling my time

Daphnesmate · 02/08/2019 15:37

Yes Benji, I am hoping dd will be bored and seek out something...but screen time is a constant battle. Of course they are encouraged to have phones for homework etc but there is a negative flip side to this I think. DD's good friend who lives about half an hour away by car has a sibling very close in age and parent works term-time only, so I think there is a very good reason why they are pre-occupied and don't have the same need to socialise etc.

Daphnesmate · 02/08/2019 15:38

A dog would help the situation I think (no guarantees) but there is no way I am taking the risk of ending up being the sole carer for it - I have two young dcs in the mix, it would be too much (but wonderful for eldest - not convinced she would be responsible and/or novelty would wear off).

Benjispruce · 02/08/2019 15:41

Oh big warning here. DD begged for the dog but novelty wore off . We love the dog but 90% of walks are taken by DH and me. It’s boredom that’s driven her to do it this holiday

Daphnesmate · 02/08/2019 15:42

Thanks for clearing that up Benji - as I suspected about the novelty thing and I am feeling a little less guilty now - she started off wanting a horse!

AChickenCalledDaal · 02/08/2019 15:45

Mine is binge-watching the entire series of Glee on Netflix. Using up random ingredients from our fridge creating "new recipes" for her lunch and leaving the debris all over the kitchen. WhatsApping, Instagramming. A bit of art - she starts GCSE art in Sept and has a summer project to do.

There will be a scout camp and as soon as she's back from that, we're going camping as a family for a fortnight. So by the end of the summer, she'll have had plenty of fresh air and exercise and I reckon three unproductive and lazy weeks won't hurt her.

Benjispruce · 02/08/2019 15:47

It’s good to know there are other bored teens out there! Mine have never been up for organised clubs or camps. Not even on holiday with kids clubs.Shame ..... for us !

CMOTDibbler · 02/08/2019 15:47

DS who is 13 is reading, playing minecraft with friends (3 hours a day max of screen time), going to the gym/swimming, walking the dogs, riding his bike, drawing, and cooking/shopping for the ingredients.
We have a family week camping next week, then dh is off with him (I work from home so he has to largely sort himself out) but has seemed pretty happy. This is his first summer without childcare, but he seems to be enjoying relaxing so far

Daphnesmate · 02/08/2019 15:51

So by the end of the summer, she'll have had plenty of fresh air and exercise and I reckon three unproductive and lazy weeks won't hurt her.

This would be my ideal scenario for dd - maybe not dds ideal scenario but she does enjoy the outdoors. Wondering if we could sneak in another break - highly improbable - everything booked up I expect/dh working - going to have a look later - even 3 days away would really break things up.

namechangedforthis1980 · 02/08/2019 15:53

My 15 year old has been out with friends a lot since they broke up a week ago. We're about to hit a quiet point as a few of his friends have gone on their holidays this next week.

So I'm expecting a lot of laying in bed, playing on the PS4, watching films and I might drag him and DS2 to visit their grandparents for a couple of days

I'm currently enjoying this year's summer holiday, found the last couple hard work as DS1 wasn't really old enough to ferry himself around ( his school is 15 miles away so friends are spread around), this year he's confident on the train etc

ChilliMum · 02/08/2019 15:54

Daphnesmate you could be describing my dd13 there!!

She wafts around the house or festers in her darkened bedroom watching teen dramas on Netflix unless we go out as a family which she is happy enough to do. She claims all her friends are on holiday / doing clubs related to their interests etc..

I worry about her. I think she is just introverted and happy with her own company (I am exactly the same) but friendships can drift without a little input and I don't want her to become too isolated.

I have made a deal with her that she must text at least 1 friend / extrrnal family member (grandparent , cousin etc) per day and we have planned some projects which she must devote some time to every day and in return I will 'get off her case' about screen time

It's not what I imagined for her but i keep reminding myself it's her holiday time and she is entitled to down time.

summerdown · 02/08/2019 15:56

DS plays a lot of cricket - probably an average of 4 days per week (and it's a long game!) otherwise he hangs out at the cricket club with his mates. Plays football a bit and likes cooking but otherwise he watches sport on tv and plays a lot of xbox!

Benjispruce · 02/08/2019 16:41

The other issue DD has is that her 2 main friends have parents that live apart so often they go away on two separate holidays or are staying further away with the other parent which leaves less time to get together.

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