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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What to do about daughter and her part-time job.

37 replies

Olimolyneux · 10/07/2019 16:57

Recently my eldest daughter sadly passed away very suddenly. Now, we are finding an issue with my 17 year old daughter who has a part-time job, she is back at work they only gave her one week off. She seems to be struggling emotionally and we are worried about her at work - she was shouted at unnecessarily by a manger and feels isolated. What do we do?

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 10/07/2019 17:01

Oh no I am so very sorry your poor family Flowers I think your dd might need more sick leave her manager doesn't sound compassionate at all if your Dd would let you i would get somebody to speak to the manager on her behalf.

Comefromaway · 10/07/2019 17:02

Tell her to leave. She’s got enough to cope with. They sound very uncaring. Presumably she’s at 6th form/college and coping there is her priority.

shumway · 10/07/2019 17:04

Let her leave and help her look for something else when she's ready.

Morgan12 · 10/07/2019 17:05

I would tell her to leave. A week off is not enough and they don't sound supportive at all.

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
Olimolyneux · 10/07/2019 17:09

Thank you for your replies, I have the number of one of the managers. Do I give her a text explaining and not tell DD I am doing this?

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 10/07/2019 17:10

I have heard of some shoddy treatment of teenagers at work but that is the very worst!

fblake · 10/07/2019 19:53

I'm so sorry for your loss. Her place of work sound awful. I'd ask her to look for somewhere else who treat her with more respect. X

Needtomovemore · 10/07/2019 20:06

She needs to leave the job. She’s 17 and this will affect her her whole life but worse so if she isn’t allowed to process things. So sorry for your loss.

dreichhighlands · 10/07/2019 20:10

Does she really need to work?
If she is still studying somewhere focusing on that and the death of her sibling seems like more than enough for her to manage.
💐 for you all.

RosaWaiting · 10/07/2019 20:15

Do talk to your DD before taking any action
I am also wondering if she needs the job

Comefromaway · 10/07/2019 20:17

No, don’t go behind your Dds back but support her to leave.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/07/2019 20:19

Do I give her a text explaining and not tell DD I am doing this?

I don’t think that’s a good idea. Can she text them?

I’m so very sorry for your loss Flowers

Mrsjayy · 10/07/2019 20:22

No don't text behindher back that isn't fair .

CupoTeap · 10/07/2019 20:30

Do t do it for her unless she wants that. Talk to her, tell her to leave she can find another when she's ready x

HairyFloppins · 10/07/2019 20:39

Sorry for your loss. I would find it very hard not to contact her boss but it's her choice first. Agree with the others, maybe let her quit for a few weeks/months, however long she needs.

SuzieQ10 · 10/07/2019 20:45

So sorry for your family's sad loss.

There will be many years for your DD to work. Now is a time to grieve and process what's happened. She doesn't need the additional pressure of work and managers shouting at her.

Is she also at school?

Ginger1982 · 10/07/2019 20:49

She needs to do it herself I think.

poopypants · 10/07/2019 21:43

Ginger no she bloody well doesn't have to do it herself. She's a teen and has just lost her sister. Many adults couldn't speak up for themselves in this situation let alone a teen. Stop being one of those awful people who think all young people should do everything for themselves. They are still growing. And somethings are more than they can cope with. I think you will find that most people will agree that the sudden DEATH of a sibling is one of those things. Sheesh. Some people.

TalkingAboutPride · 10/07/2019 21:47

I'm so sorry for your loss. You must all be reeling.

How does your daughter feel? Would she rather be at work and keeping busy? Is work treating her ok on the whole? Has she got supportive friends there? Would she like you to contact them, or would she like your help?

Original poster
Olimolyneux · 10/07/2019 22:33

Thank you everybody for your kind words, we are trying to come to terms with her death as a family. DD really does have some (maybe a couple I think she feels she can truly trust) supportive friends at work they're all older than her most 3-4 years at least and so I think she feels a little bit excluded. If she's lucky she'll get four hours a week and is lucky if she gets £100 a month! So no, I don't think she needs this job but then I feel she'd be very anxious about leaving the job and then I worry about how she's treated during the notice period. She is at college but has finished for the year now and so at least she doesn't have that stress too. I'm just at a bit of a loss and she is getting upset at the thought of having to work this weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
Olimolyneux · 10/07/2019 22:37

She pays for her own phone contract - about £30 a month for a latest iPhone model (a really good sim only deal she managed to find) she begged if it meant she could have a fancier phone than the one she already had. I've assured her that her father and I will cover the costs and I feel this is really her only outgoing other than the occasional meal out with friends etc.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 10/07/2019 22:39

Poor kid 4 hours isn't worth the stress what is the notice ? Tbh i would suggest she goes off sick then just quit she could do some healing and maybe find something else perhaps volunteering just something to get involved with when she is ready.

Ginger1982 · 10/07/2019 22:41

@poopypants there's no need to jump down my throat. Having lost a parent at 13 I understand exactly how death can affect a teenager. All I meant was that if she was going to hand in her notice that she might be better actually doing that herself rather than her mum doing it so that she felt in control of something. But I accept I obviously didn't say all that in my post.

Original poster
Olimolyneux · 10/07/2019 22:43

Thank you both @poopypants and @Ginger1982 I appreciate both your posts and your help. I do think doing it herself may help her reputation (not sure if they're really the right words) but with having to work a notice period she would have to work without my help even if I did essentially quit for her.

OP posts:
Chilledout11 · 10/07/2019 22:44

Sorry for your loss
I wouldn't text on your daughters behalf unless you tell her you first and she agrees. A doctor's letter could cover her period of notice I imagine. No way would I go back to an employer lacking in compassion and care for a part time job that will not impact her career or future.