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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Cancelled Florida

35 replies

Kmc1988 · 27/06/2019 14:00

My partner has cancelled our Disney world holiday because the way our 2 children have been behaving daughter 13 and son age 5 I don’t know if we’re being to harsh on them but they have no respect for us every day is a constant battle with them constantly fighting each other and weekly phone calls from school about are daughters behaviour nothing seems to be working with her I’ve removed all her gadgets e.g. phone iPad PlayStation and stopped her going out but she still continues to push us is taking away there holiday to harsh any advice or tips would be much appreciated

OP posts:
user1494670108 · 27/06/2019 14:02

It certainly seems pretty harsh - on all of you.
I hope at the least you gave lots of warnings that continuing the same behaviour would result in this.
FWIW I think that the good times are the glue that sticks us together through the bad

ChicCroissant · 27/06/2019 14:04

Way too harsh. I wonder where they get their explosive temper from?

Happyspud · 27/06/2019 14:05

What will you do instead? Sit at home having a battle? I’m just not sure where you can possibly go with this cancellation. Do you really think it will shock them into better behaviour? And if it doesn’t, what then?

Rebook the holiday, something like that is not a tool for punishment (not least because you all lose out greatly). And look into some family counselling if you are at a point where you can’t manage the family dynamics yourselves anymore.

needsomesleepy · 27/06/2019 14:07

Cancelled?

Have you actually booked it? Because I'm not sure holiday insurance will cover 'they way the children have been behaving'

Happyspud · 27/06/2019 14:08

Oh and your DD is 13. I’d expect there to be massive upheaval in family relationships and behaviour as she changes role from child to teen. But the 5 yr old should be disciplinable. With some good boundaries and lots of support and encouragement.

Chimchar · 27/06/2019 14:12

Teenage years are hard. All behaviour is communication. Your 13yo is full of hormones and teenager stuff.

Maybe you need to have some open, honest conversations with her about what is going on in her life.

Like pp's have said... holidays are the good bits... it's something to look forward to. It's something to share. It's something to talk about afterwards.

Go on the holiday.

Do nice things.

Build your relationship.

I hope things work out. Thanks

Original poster
Kmc1988 · 27/06/2019 14:12

We had already booked and paid it an will loose out on a bit of money but will get most of the money back even now the kids don’t listen and we have said so many times if you don’t behave we will not be going and they just don’t seem bothered at all

OP posts:
Original poster
Kmc1988 · 27/06/2019 14:16

I really wanted to take them but I can’t go against him on this one as he is the one she seems to take her moods out on we have said we will not be doing Disney this year but if there behaviour improves we could book somewhere October when we were meant to go I just don’t know what to do about this 😢

OP posts:
Nesssie · 27/06/2019 14:16

Well if you threatened to cancel and they still misbehaved then well done on following through.

Explain it is cancelled and the only way for them to go now is to 'earn' it back. I.e need to earn 50 points to get the holiday back. 1 point for each day/week you don;t get a call for the school, 1 point for each day they don't fight etc. Minus points for fighting, misbehaving.

Make a chart with stickers and get them involved.

PreachesPeaches · 27/06/2019 14:18

Ridiculous punishment.

You've lost control as parents and have not only punished your 13yo (who is full of hormones and needs some understanding) but also your 5yo (who's still a baby) and yourselves.

And for what? What does that actually teach them?
From where I'm standing it's a perfect example of irrational, erratic behaviour - which your children are going to pick up on. Not exactly the best lesson.

I hope you're not going to blame them for losing the money from the trip - seeing as that was your idea completely.
Poor kids.

needsomesleepy · 27/06/2019 14:20

Your problem isn't the holiday. It is the controlling bully you live with.

Nesssie · 27/06/2019 14:21

they have no respect for us every day is a constant battle with them constantly fighting each other and weekly phone calls from school about are daughters behaviour

I don't think hes a controlling bully, hes a parent who is at at the end of his tether.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 27/06/2019 14:27

Why is it a ridiculous punishment? If it was clearly explained that their behaviour would result in the holiday being cancelled, then crucial to follow through on that and ensure that the 13 yr old at least sees that her actions have consequences. That's what it teaches.

needsomesleepy · 27/06/2019 14:33

You think that works for the 5 year old as well?

What about OP who actually wants to go?

Of course it's ridiculous to cancel your family holiday.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 27/06/2019 14:34

School is ringing you weekly about your daughter's behaviour. You've warned her repeatedly that the holiday will be cancelled if she doesn't improve. She's ignored this and you have followed through by cancelling the holiday. I don't see anything wrong here at all.

needsomesleepy · 27/06/2019 14:35

@dickiedavisthunderthighs

What about the 5 year old? What about OP who wants to go?

Punish the whole family because he made a ridiculous threat about the teenagers behaviour? Nah, that's not ok.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 27/06/2019 14:37

I think you were right to cancel the holiday.
That is the consequence of their bad behavior.

Ragwort · 27/06/2019 14:39

I think it is the right decision BUT are you and your DH totally on board about sorts of decisions, did you both decide to cancel it or was it his decision alone?

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 27/06/2019 14:39

@needsomesleepy a five year old is totally capable of understanding about consequences - from the OP it's not just about the 13 year old's behaviour.
OP has done the right thing by offering an alternative holiday in October if they both improve.
As for the OP wanting to go, I can't imagine spending £££ on a holiday where my kids are going to misbehave the whole time. That's not enjoyable.

needsomesleepy · 27/06/2019 14:39

OP said she wants to go but can't go against him.

Not much discussion gone on there..

needsomesleepy · 27/06/2019 14:41

@dickiedavisthunderthighs

There is no way a 5 year old child has misbehaved so much that their holiday needed to be cancelled.

As for the OP wanting to go, I can't imagine spending £££ on a holiday where my kids are going to misbehave the whole time. That's not enjoyable.

It doesn't matter what you can imagine, OP said she wanted to go. That's a fact.

Greenolivesorblackolives · 27/06/2019 14:42

Nice to hear of a parent that actually sticks to what they say.
Good on you for seeing it through.

Nanny0gg · 27/06/2019 14:43

A five year old doesn't understand Bad Behaviour = no Florida, sorry. And if their behaviour is that bad then there should have been intervention long before.

And now it's cancelled there is nowhere to go if teen's behaviour escalates.
Why is she playing up? Has anyone spoken calmly to her?

Is DP their father?

needsomesleepy · 27/06/2019 14:44

Good on you for seeing it through.

Did you read the posts from OP. She isn't seeing anything through. She simply isn't 'going against him', but she wants to go on the holiday.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 27/06/2019 14:47

I live with a child where consequences don’t work. We’ve tried the ‘if you don’t do, or do X you won’t get Y’ and it simply doesn’t work. Actually it makes her worse... we’re currently on the waiting list for her to see a paediatrician as she’s showing signs of a behavioural disorder.

Your dd is in the early stages of being a teenager, rather than cancelling holidays etc (and I do understand how it gets to that), maybe you should be talking to family services about coping and parenting techniques