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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What should a working teenager pay for?

40 replies

PennyBryn · 04/06/2019 15:41

Hi
I have a 16yr old son who we will be taking on as an apprentice in September (we run a tiny design firm)
He has autism and a very poor concept of the value of money so I will also be helping him learn some life skills which will include budgeting

We are going to have a formal meeting with him before September to obviously discuss the apprenticeship and what he will earn etc
When we talk to him I would like to introduce the concept of budgeting from the outset.
He already understands that he will pay board so I will be more specific about exactly how much and over time I want to help him understand what he needs to pay for himself

I haven’t really had to think about this before, with another child I could be more “go with the flow”, but with this I would really appreciate your collective wisdom on the matter 😃

I feel that board covers the extremely obvious like food and lodgings. I think I should continue to buy his toiletries as he doesn’t have anything unusual or expensive

He hates clothes shopping so only goes when necessary for the absolute minimum so I feel he should buy his own things now

He wears glasses and as an employee we think we should get those, but if he wants contact lenses, he should get them

He doesn’t want to learn to drive but I think it will be a tremendous skill but I also think he should pay for his lessons, is that fair?

If he joins us on a family holiday (which i’m sure he will for years yet) should I ask a contribution?

I am trying to view it that he needs to grasp the concept of what he will have to pay for if and when he lives independently. My current thinking is that he should pay entirely for his clothes and entertainment (cinema, games etc) but more of a token amount towards things like holidays and a car?

What did you have to pay for and do you do with your own teens?

OP posts:

corythatwas · 04/06/2019 18:13

If he joins you for a family holiday, I think you need to ask yourself "if he felt no pressure from family, would this holiday, with these people be the one thing he would choose to do at the exclusion of all other things he might spend that money on".

For my 19yo, I am pretty sure that is not the case: he will come with us on holiday to his grandparents because he is an amiable sort and not complain about boredom, but it's absolutely not his dream holiday and if it became a choice between that and the Reading Festival (highlight of his year) I might get to hear some home truths.

mogloveseggs · 04/06/2019 18:14

I don't think you can ask him to pay for driving lessons when you want him to learn to drive.

FleetwoodStorms · 04/06/2019 18:15

How much will you be paying him?

IDontDrinkTea · 04/06/2019 18:16

If he doesn’t want to learn to drive, but you want him to, I think you should pay for his lessons. Or you have to allow him not to learn if he doesn’t want to. You can’t dictate what he spends his money on

sanmiguel · 04/06/2019 18:21

I think it all really depends on how much you're paying him OP

cookielove · 04/06/2019 18:23

I paid for nothing as a teen, although my mum asked me to save. Even now if i go on a family holiday my parents pay and i am no where near teen age.

I get where you are coming from, however i don't agree with you! He is 16 and paying rent and you want him to pay for contacts!

First time he is earning and he doesn't get to enjoy it!

daisypond · 04/06/2019 18:27

It depends how much you are paying him. A friend’s son started an apprenticeship four years ago and earned about 18k- in London. I thought that was quite good.

daisypond · 04/06/2019 18:32

But he should be paying for his own contact lenses, mobile phone, all entertainment, clothes, a contribution to a holiday- only if he wants to go on holiday with you - and rent- maybe not market rent. Driving lessons I’m not so sure about. Does he want to learn?

TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER · 04/06/2019 18:32

He should pay some board / rent. How will he get to work? If he’d get a bus then he should pay for that. Or a contribution to petrol (but like a tenner a week not a full tank) if he will be getting a lift.
He should pay for his entertainment/ weekend activities etc.

I wouldn’t expect him to pay for family holidays. I might expect him to save some spending money for this holiday but not to cover meals on holiday.
I wouldn’t expect him to pay for driving lessons if he doesn’t want to learn - see re bus pass.

TeenTimesTwo · 04/06/2019 18:34

On the one hand he is an apprentice.
On the other he is only 16.
Also apprentice wage is pretty small if that is what you are paying him.

I'd almost work backwards. Say he gets £150 per week.
Can you say £50 for 'keep', £50 for spends and £50 to save.

Then work out what he can reasonably be expected to pay for out of the £50 spends?

I'd go for he pays for clothes, entertainment, phone, presents for family & friends.

I wouldn't expect him to pay for anything that you are very keen for him to have/do, or medical/health. So you pay for driving lessons, glasses, and holidays with you.

My DD1 is 19, she was doing an apprenticeship, but has recently started a properly paid job. We currently pay for physio £ and counselling ££ and dental as we think they are important and we don't want her deciding they are too expensive and not doing them. If she comes on days out with us (rare is spends whole time with BF) then we would pay, ditto holidays.

stucknoue · 04/06/2019 18:34

It partly depends on what you are paying him, some apprenticeships don't pay much. I would suggest a token board, all his clothes and entertainment and spending money on holidays for now, reviewed as his pay increases. I would also suggest that he's encouraged to transfer money to savings each pay day. Dd is autistic and is super aware of money (downright mean with it) so asd isn't the problem, some teens just are not good with cash

BlackPrism · 04/06/2019 18:37

Clothes, shoes, takeaways, transport, any extra luxuries, car insurance or fees etc

Apprenticeship pay varies wildly - if earning £19k (my apprentice salary) then what you've suggested is fine. But if under £10k then I'd be inclined to treat him more

BackforGood · 04/06/2019 18:38

I wouldn't expect him to pay if he is coming along on a family holiday with you - I'd still pay for mine who are all older than your ds, if they wanted to come anywhere with me - however, he would need to save it all himself if he were going with a friend. (Tho' I'd probably pay if he wanted to go on an organised camp with a youth group or Church or support group or something).

I would expect him to cover transport and I would teach him to put something into savings on every payday - which might come for driving lessons if he is more motivated a little later, or for holidays or whatever.

BackforGood · 04/06/2019 18:38

Yes, I do agree with others it will depend on what he is being paid.

BlackPrism · 04/06/2019 18:38

My mum paid my rent, phone, car, food (when at home) and bills until I was 22 (when I graduated my MA). I paid everything else which wasn't much tbh

VioletCharlotte · 04/06/2019 18:39

He's only 16, I think you need to cut him a bit of slack! If he was at college he wouldn't be paying anything. How much are you paying him?

I think I would say that he should pay for clothes, toiletries, his mobile phone, and subscriptions (Netflix, Spotify, etc) I wouldn't be charging him rent on an apprentice wage. If he doesn't want to learn to drive then I don't think you should push him.

Original poster

PennyBryn · 04/06/2019 18:47

Thanks for your imput guys, I think I am feeling suddenly overwhelmed by being the parent and the employer. In a normal apprenticeship relationship I wouldn’t obviously feel responsible for this side of things but then you throw Autism into the mix too....
I just desperately want to be fair to him and at the same time set about teaching him budgeting but maybe that needs to be more of a thing once his apprenticeship ends and he is a full employee
I wonder if the initial lesson of “board covers all the stuff mum and dad have always paid for” will be a good start

Thanks again for listening

OP posts:

Aimily · 04/06/2019 18:51

I think this is brilliant and when children get jobs their parents should do this! possibly because I had it and I've benefited massively from it
I would approach it the way you are planning to, sitting down to have a meeting to go over details, especially if you give him an example breakdown of what your wages cover, my parents did this with me and I have to say seeing it on paper (not necessary real figures), was really useful.

However there are a few things personally I would omit i.e driving lessons (if he isn't interested) and the holiday contribution but that's personal experience for me, we had a final family holiday at the end of my alevel and dbs gcses and I was only expected to provide my own spending money.

I started paying board as soon as I started working at 16, 10% of my monthly take home part time and then increased to 20% when I started working full time went to my parents, this contributed towards food shop, household bills etc. I was expected to pay for the things I wanted myself:
Toiletries beyond the usual shampoo, conditioner, sanitary products etc
My driving lessons, but I wanted to learn, I also bought my first car myself and subsequently all costs associated with the car.
All my clothes I paid for myself, although I got an allowance from the age of 12 and had been doing that anyway.
Entertainment, days out etc same as clothes buying.

This was 2006 until I moved out in 2013, so not necessarily recent but possibly helpful?

TeenTimesTwo · 04/06/2019 19:34

With DD we helped her with a spreadsheet where she could see monthly general stuff (eg entertainment) and bills that come in randomly/yearly (eg car breakdowns, car insurance).
We then together estimated values and made sure she was allowing for things properly.
This meant that after 1 year's working she had enough sat in her 'bills' account ready for the next year's car insurance.

It has also helped, as she wanted to move in with BF. So we said she needed to estimate all the extra costs that would come with moving out...

Rarfy · 04/06/2019 19:37

On my apprenticeship I paid lodge which covered food and a roof over my head. Everything else I paid for myself including clothes, toiletries, phone, driving lessons.

If I went on a family holiday I'm assuming that would have been paid for but not sure as I never ever went once I was old enough not to have to

FleetwoodStorms · 04/06/2019 19:40

So how much are you paying him?

There's no need to be overwhelmed, he's only 16 - plenty of time to practise being an adult

Undies1990 · 04/06/2019 19:53

It depends on how much you are paying him. Please tell us then we can give you sensible opinions

TeenTimesTwo · 04/06/2019 19:53

As the employer you need to pay him at least the apprentice wage, give him 10% time 'off the job' for learning and make sure he is working towards a recognised qualification. You need to expect him to come to work on time, suitably dressed, and ready to work. To work at work, and not be on his phone.

As a parent you are responsible for teaching him budgeting skills and paying for his glasses. You are responsible for helping him get into a routine whereby he gets to work on time, suitably attired, and ready to work (i.e. not overtired from staying up gaming all night). If you are expecting he will eventually live independently you are responsible in teaching other life skills such as ironing, cooking, whatever. But it doesn't all need to come at once at 16, it can be gradual.

Original poster

PennyBryn · 04/06/2019 23:06

Thank you everyone for your input. I had a very extreme and miserly example set for me by my own parents so by getting the opinions of a variety of people I feel I can check myself for balance and fairness

We are just in the process of sorting his training provider at the moment and therefore what his hours and exact pay will be but sadly we are not in a position to pay him anywhere near 18 or 19k!

We hope to pay him around £150 a week based on £5 per hour for 30 hours a week which should allow me opportunity to take my employer hat off, put my mum hat on and look at some life skills too

OP posts:

stayathomer · 04/06/2019 23:14

I think it's great you're teaching him the value of money OP, there's some good stuff above but I'd ask that you pay for the holiday but just make a point that he has to bring a bit of spending money, then it's not so much 'there, you're an adult, I'm not helping you out any more!' My friend did what someone else said above, a third on bills, a third spend, a third save, and she was always much more savvy than me! A savings account is a great thing, if he could set up that e.g. a tenner comes out a week into a savings account and that's only for emergencies/not at all

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