What should a working teenager pay for?

[PennyBryn]

Hi
I have a 16yr old son who we will be taking on as an apprentice in September (we run a tiny design firm)
He has autism and a very poor concept of the value of money so I will also be helping him learn some life skills which will include budgeting

We are going to have a formal meeting with him before September to obviously discuss the apprenticeship and what he will earn etc
When we talk to him I would like to introduce the concept of budgeting from the outset.
He already understands that he will pay board so I will be more specific about exactly how much and over time I want to help him understand what he needs to pay for himself

I haven’t really had to think about this before, with another child I could be more “go with the flow”, but with this I would really appreciate your collective wisdom on the matter 😃

I feel that board covers the extremely obvious like food and lodgings. I think I should continue to buy his toiletries as he doesn’t have anything unusual or expensive

He hates clothes shopping so only goes when necessary for the absolute minimum so I feel he should buy his own things now

He wears glasses and as an employee we think we should get those, but if he wants contact lenses, he should get them

He doesn’t want to learn to drive but I think it will be a tremendous skill but I also think he should pay for his lessons, is that fair?

If he joins us on a family holiday (which i’m sure he will for years yet) should I ask a contribution?

I am trying to view it that he needs to grasp the concept of what he will have to pay for if and when he lives independently. My current thinking is that he should pay entirely for his clothes and entertainment (cinema, games etc) but more of a token amount towards things like holidays and a car?

What did you have to pay for and do you do with your own teens?

Just to clarify for the poster who said that his money issues were nothing to do with autism because their child didn’t have those particular issues....I can only speak of my own son and his challenges

My lovely boy finds making decisions extremely difficult and it fills him with anxiety and in his case this manifests itself in the decisions that’s are required when buying stuff. He becomes anxious when deciding whether or not to buy even just a snack or not so he avoids buying things. He accumulates pocket money and after many months of thinking about it he will finally buy a lego set. A big lego set 😂

But always avoiding making even a small decision is not the way to go

A lot of the last 16 years has been about encouraging him to face his anxieties and equipping him with the tools to do just that, gradually and in a way that he feels secure

Budgeting and buying some of his own stuff is a vital skill in his case, thanks guys for your opinions on where might be good places to start

Ok so £150 a week = £650 per month which is a lot of cash for a 16 year old to deal with.

To start with I'd take £250 board and explain this is his share of the food & utility bills.

Then I'd encourage him to put £200 into a savings account that he can't easily withdraw cash from and explain this is to save for the future when he's more independent.

That leaves £200 spends - to cover his phone and random purchases.

If you live somewhere with good transport links I wouldn't rush driving lessons. Way too many young people driving cars they're not ready to handle.

I am really glad I started this thread, it’s very useful to get advise and the perspective of different folk.
Putting my parent hat on, I do have to consider the financial implications of him being an apprentice on the family budget. He will no longer be entitled to NHS prescriptions and glasses, we will no longer get child benefit and we are far far from a wealthy family so paying his wages is a large amount of money to find
I just don’t want in any way for these burdens to feature on his radar, they are our problems not his

My husband and his brothers always paid their mother 25% of their wages to their mum and other than food and lodgings, everything else became their responsibility

I have always felt that’s a bit too extreme.

A few have mentioned he should pay for his own phone. We have a family plan and I think we should continue to pay for it but if he wants something different or better than mum and dad are asking, then he can pay for that. I suppose that’s the rule of thumb for holidays, transport, etc etc

I hear 25% is normal so £160 a month

But can you set him up a bank account with online banking -some have great apps for keeping track of money

Then set up a savings account and put the same in £160 -

Then set up an account for big purchase, like his glasses or new phone or Christmas (he should be encouraged to buy small gifts for familly)

The rest is then his to spend as he likes

I would also encourage him to buy something like toiletries so he has to make that decision for himself - you take him to the local shop and give him a list of must buys and meet him at the till.

Small steps

You're making a 16 year old pay to live in his home?! Seriously ???!

He’s working - why wouldn’t you?

Nans generation paid at 14, my mother started work at 15, I stay on for collage and paid when I was working.

Plenty of 16 year old leave home and pay their own way

You're making a 16 year old pay to live in his home?! Seriously

She's teaching him financial responsibility and independence. As he's earning a wage at 16, it's a good time to start. Or would you prefer a teenager to have £650 a month spends?

I think it's fair for him to pay board money, his phone bill (although I understand your reasons for not expecting him to pay this - maybe you could just ask for a tenner a month towards it).

Encourage him to save a set amount each month. Show him how to set up a savings account, set up a direct debit/standing order etc.

The rest should be his to do with as he pleases. £200 a month really isn't that much when you think about all of the things he'll want to do.

He should pay for driving lessons if HE wants them, but he won't be able to afford a car on apprenticeship salary.

It's unfair to expect him to pay towards the family holiday if he has no input into where the holiday is or how much it costs.

Something like a Monzo or Starling bank account might be helpful - he can set up pots for various things and it will also track what categories he spends money in. I also find the YNAB philosophy of giving money jobs to be useful and you can use that without using their software (which I do). My kids are a little younger (between 10-15, 15yo also has ASD although is different to your son in that he spends money like water!) but they find this concept fairly easy to understand. It might help a little with practicing making decisions about his money too - he can decide today that he's going to allocate £20 to clothing, and tomorrow decide that it would be better to put it towards something else. He can use pots to set aside money for larger annual expenses or things that he may not need every month, like clothing, without having lots of separate accounts.

I think you have a pretty good handle on what's fair - essentials are covered by you (partially reimbursed by his board) and extras are paid by him. I agree with a PP that I'd gently encourage saving for gifts for family (even if you don't mind not receiving gifts from him, a future partner or close friend may be upset by it so it's good to teach him to do so) and that for family holidays I'd probably only expect a token contribution (if that) given that he won't have the level of decision/input as the adults do. Later if he becomes more equal in deciding on a holiday I'd expect him to pay his share of the agreed costs.

He already has a bank account and I absolutely agree that he should get at least one more for savings
My husband and I use YNAB and it hadn’t occurred to me that this would be a great tool for ds too, thanks for that reminder!

Funnily enough, gifts are something he doesn’t have difficulty with. We have a traditional annual trip to the nearby city and he finds it challenging but enjoyable to come home clutching his secret bags of presents 😂

I do think he should absolutely contribute to his room and board and I think your "stuff mum and dad pay for" is right and you are going about it in such a great way to teach him-and help him learn to budget, spend and manage his money

however he is only 16 and I would still pay for him to go on family holidays if you can...

If you and DH already understand YNAB then it could definitely be a really helpful tool for him - I am awful with money and it really helps me to visualise that although I have £x in my account, that doesn't mean I can just spend it, because it has other jobs to do. If you use the subscription version (and you trust DS not to go poking around in your budget!) then you can set him up his own budget as part of your subscription to give it a try for a while. I haven't used the older version so I don't know if it's something you can do on that one. There's some helpful videos on YouTube for the new version too.

That's really lovely about the gifts btw - he sounds like a great kid

I find the concept of charging children board very odd. He's only 16. Christ I returned home briefly at 24 and my dad wouldnt have dreamed of asking for money to stay in my own family home.

Otterturk, thanks for your input, I think you made it perfectly clear in your previous comment also how you feel about the issue of children paying board

For clarification, I am not asking IF I should charge him or even how much, I am asking WHAT folk paid for when they were employed and living at home and also I am asking, in the difficult economic climate our youths are emerging into, what today’s parents require their employed youths to pay towards

I passionately believe that my children must learn to contribute towards the things they receive. We lead a simple life and they have not had to be aware of money and paying for things but as teenagers we have gradually begun to teach them about this stuff

Sadly we are not wealthy, we do not have the ability to buy them their first car or gift them the deposit on their first home so the next best thing that we can give them is education in how to achieve whatever they want and to be happy in doing it

I have argued many times on MN against the idea of charging children rent, I have never done it with my DC because I don't need it and they have lived at uni for three years on a tight budget so know how to manage money.

Lots of people argue that even if you don't need the money you should charge rent and save it on their behalf. I firmly believe that it's better to teach them financial management and budgeting and the best way to invest it themselves?

Your case is different OP IMO. Your boy has autism and you want to do this as a process of teaching him independence. Lots of great ideas on here and I would just comment on the holiday.
I don't know whether any 16 year old would choose to spend their hard earned cash on a holiday with parents. I've always paid for mine when they come with us which they have done up to last year aged 20 and 22. I love their company on holiday and it's a treat to me.