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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Smoking dope: normal/no big deal or cause for concern?

31 replies

avenueq · 26/05/2019 20:49

Dd says everyone does it. And I know lots of people did when I was young. But isn't it more harmful/dangerous nowadays? She does it maybe once a week. I just don't know how to react. She's 17 btw

OP posts:
Original poster
avenueq · 26/05/2019 21:21

.

OP posts:
Original poster
avenueq · 26/05/2019 21:41

Why is nobody answering- did I ask the wrong thing?

OP posts:
booboo82 · 26/05/2019 21:47

the teens round my way do it , we used to do it as teens and my parents did aswell , remember the swinging 60s and 70s , weed has been around for years and years , some countries have even legalised it , I would have a chat about safety and the issue of moving on to harder drugs but to me if shes only doing once a week it dosnt sound like shes that into it and hopefully will grow out of it xx

SimonJT · 26/05/2019 21:49

I smoked it a lot as a teen, I had moved out at 17 so had no one to stop, for me smoking pot was probably the least harmful thing I was upto at that time.

My worry would be what’s in the pot, but I would also worry about her becoming a regular tobacco smoker.

HermioneMakepeace · 26/05/2019 21:50

My DS says everyone smokes weed at his school. I don’t believe it. I think a lot of it is kids showing off pretending to be cool.

Not that weed is cool, by the way. I’ve seen way too many people end up with mental health problems from smoking weed Sad.

Wolfiefan · 26/05/2019 21:51

If everyone she mixes with does it then she’s mixing with the wrong people.

Dollywilde · 26/05/2019 21:52

This is a less active board than eg AIBU or chat, don’t feel bad about lack of responses Smile

Personally it’s not normal but I know people for whom it is. I’d watch other things - is she up for college/work? Getting her grades? Engaging with non drug life generally, friends and family? I’d be relatively relaxed if it wasn’t influencing her life. Like alcohol/gambling/shopping, it’s probably not an issue in isolation. But if it’s impacting on other things, then a conversation needs to be had.

BrokenWing · 26/05/2019 21:58

Ds(15) says everyone at his school wears £200 trainers and don't need to go to bed on a school night until after midnight 🤥

Smoking weed is a lot less common than not smoking weed. It is a big deal and it is a cause for concern.

Punxsutawney · 26/05/2019 23:13

Just before Easter at my son's school there were 13 children permanently excluded for having possession of or smoking weed on school premises. Some have returned after appeal but most have had to find other schools. The ages ranged from year 9 to year 13. For some reason all the young people involved did not seem to think that they would get into trouble for smoking weed in the toilets and other places and being in school completely stoned.

choirgirlsings · 26/05/2019 23:25

From my personal experience I started smoking weed at 16, then drinking, stopped smoking weed in my twenties and went onto to heavy drinking, coke and ecstasy. To the point it became a big problem and got me into lots of trouble. I'm now in my thirties and 3 years clean and sober.

For me I used substances to change the way I felt, maybe you should talk to her and try and find out if there's anything that's troubling her or that troubled her in her childhood. Maybe some counselling would help.

Good luck op

Original poster
avenueq · 27/05/2019 07:17

I must admit I am alarmed but I don't want to alienate her.

OP posts:
user1487194234 · 27/05/2019 11:31

Pretty normal
I think as long as they are still engaging at school and doing sports etc I wouldn't worry too much

Ellabella989 · 27/05/2019 11:33

It depends on the scenario. If she does it very occasionally at a party or something then I don’t think it’s any worse than getting a bit drunk.
If she’s doing it more regularly than that then i’d be concerned. I used to smoke it a lot and it made me quite paranoid and anxious. It also made me lazy as I would get so drowsy and would just want to lie around watching films all weekend

ItWentInMyEye · 27/05/2019 11:37

I smoked weed on the odd occasion at that age, I wouldn't be worried. As long as it's not daily and she's not having so much she's putting herself in danger.

WaxOnFeckOff · 27/05/2019 11:39

Not normal as far as I'm concerned. It has a terrible effect on mental health. But then, I let my 16 plus teens have the odd beer or cider so what do I know?

howwudufeel · 27/05/2019 11:43

Some of dc’s friends smoke it. I think it triggers some worrying mental health issues. One of his friends smoked a lot of it at a party and went missing a day or so later. Thankfully he was found. I think of it as Russian roulette. Some will be fine, others not so much. Depends if you are happy to take that risk.

viques · 27/05/2019 11:47

Yes it is a concern.

The weed around now is very strong, much more of the active components that give you a high. It has been proven to be a component in developing mental illness. It has also recently been implicated as a factor in teen suicide. She is 17, her brain is still developing, the last thing it needs is hits of weed to knock it off track.

Secondly, she is buying it from somewhere. The people she is buying from are running a business, they see her as a customer, as far as they are concerned the more she buys, the better a customer she is. If later she can be persuaded to buy their other products then she is an even better customer.

By buying she is not only risking her physical and mental health but is supporting violent gangs who use money laundering, murder, intimidation and people trafficking to continue their illegal enterprises.

BishopofBathandWells · 27/05/2019 11:55

I smoked weed as a student, and it's quite commonplace in the town where I live (think surfer type seaside town), but the weed today is very different from the stuff that I'd have smoked 20 years ago.

The DD of a friend of mine was recently sectioned as the result of a psychotic break triggered by drug use.

It's a difficult conversation to have as you won't want to alienate her. I think just try to have a conversation as to why she feels the need to do it - does she enjoy it, or is it simply because all her friends are into it? Also, how is she funding it? Is there something else you can tempt her into spending that money on?

I don't have answers I'm afraid, but I think constant communication is key.

borntobequiet · 27/05/2019 11:58

The stuff being smoked by young people around where I live (nice little West Midlands market town) and where I work (fairly deprived city about 25 miles away) is very very strong, judging by the smell. I’d be worried about anyone smoking that.

freshstartnewme · 27/05/2019 12:02

I would be horrified. Most would say it's an over reaction.

Watchingthetelly · 27/05/2019 12:02

I'd agree with it being an issue. Especially as teenagers brains are still forming, there have been some studies on how badly weed affects teenagers. I'd also agree with PPs that there will be far more of her peers that don't smoke it.

Starlive23 · 27/05/2019 12:04

I'd say it was pretty commonplace when I was younger, but the worry is that she could move on to harder drugs like cocaine etc which are obviously a lot more of a worry. I would echo pp in that you have a chat with her about the dangers of other drugs but I would say once a week if it's only weed isn't the worst thing you could be contending with. My personal view is that it's much safer than alcohol and she's far less likely to end up in a situation she can't get out of.

FWIW pretty much everyone I knew smoked week when I was at uni and none of them do now! So I'd say it's something people do grow out of. Probably a bit of a phase with them all thinking they are cool!

TheSmallAssassin · 27/05/2019 12:04

I did at that age, probably to the same degree, but I wish I hadn't, there were definitely times when I found it hard to concentrate on my school work because of it. I was influenced by my boyfriend of the time and made some silly decisions which didn't have bad consequences but definitely could have. I stopped when I went to university because I didn't like how it made me feel (out of control, anxious, paranoid).

Surely you've heard the "everyone does it" claim loads of times by now and know it's rarely true?

If I were you I would let her know that it is illegal, that it's not good for brains/minds that are still developing and that you don't want her doing it. I don't think you can just ignore it and let her think it's OK, but going over the top will just push her in the wrong direction. It's a fine line, but you need to let her know you disapprove and won't allow it where you have influence. She'll probably do it anyway, but that line still needs to be there.

Know why you are concerned, talk to your daughter calmly about it and explain your reasoning. I didn't listen to my parents because they were completely overblown. If you are measured and realistic, it will be harder to ignore you!

bringbacksideburns · 27/05/2019 12:12

It is rife yes but it all depends on your friendship group. My two are uninterested although I've had underage drinking issues with dd and one of her friend's ended up passing out and going to hospital aged 14.

Dd has really got into the Gym and healthy eating but she knows someone who ended up in a PRU due to turning up to school stoned in year 9.

What would worry me is they now start at a ridiculously young age. When I was young in the eighties it was more a thing you did as a student for a couple of years. It also wasn't super strength skunk - that stuff can lead to problems with depression in later life and I do believe the younger you start the worse it can get.

I suppose at 17 you can just guide and advise her. Once a week may well fizzle out if she makes friends not into it.

PlinkPlink · 27/05/2019 12:15

Knowledge is the answer here (as with all recreational drug use).

Go and visit The Loop. Fabulous charity. Talk to Frank is reasonable too. The Loop have some brilliant posts on Insta about safe doses, safer practices, drug testing at festivals, they put out warnings about dangerous pills in circulation etc. They have saved many lives by just arming people with knowledge. Their posts are mainly MDMA, Ket and Cocaine but they do discuss others.
I've just looked at the NHS website on it as well and they have some interesting facts about the dangers of it.

It's such a hard issue to deal with as a parent. The thing is, if kids want to do it, they are going to do it. You can't be there with them every second of the day. I think it's best to arm people with the knowledge of how to do things safely, with the obvious statement that the best way to avoid danger is by not taking them at all.

I would also really try and hammer home that just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't mean they have to.

Maybe you could both sit down and look at some stuff together and discuss it?

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