How much should a teenager help in the house?

[totallycluelessoverhere]

How much do your teenagers help stubs the house or with younger siblings?
I’m wary of expecting too much of my teenager because he has school and homework but he also lives in the house and is part of the family so I think he should do something.
At the moment he is expected to load the washing machine on a Saturday (2 loads of washing through the day). But even that is a struggle to get him to do as he doesn’t think he should do anything. So now he has to do the 2 loads of washing or he doesn’t get his pocket money. He has previously had other small jobs but they never get done and then we end up arguing.
I think 2 loads of washing is barely a contribution to the running of the household. He never cooks or helps with the cooking and is reluctant to even make himself a sandwich etc for lunch if it is the school holidays (has school meals term time) and would rather go hungry.
I have tried to encourage him to do more around the house and to be able to do things for himself as he prepares for adulthood but it always ends in a major row or with him sulking for days on end and telling me that I am just old fashioned and kids these days are not expected to do chores. A likely story
He won’t even make his younger brothers a drink if I am busy and they ask him for a drink (they are toddlers).
So, if you have made it this far what is a reasonable expectation of teenagers?

Chores are non-negotiable and allow for internet access on the computers we paid for, their mobile phone bills, their sporting activities, Netflix etc.

These are privileges and not rights.

From reception in school a child has to collect their own tray and when finished they have to take them to the waste bin, scrape it, put their cutlery in one place and their water glass in another. We were encouraged by school to repeat this at home. We did. Gradually they work their way up to bigger and more responsible tasks.

You have to stand over them if they are not doing something. It becomes part of their day like brushing teeth, clean underwear.

I am a SAHM so obviously with teens I do the vast majority of everything, but the boys know how to do all the stuff I do but there isn't an expectation to do everything.

Things they do (just turned 16 and just turned 13)
Strip their bedding, into washing machine, I tumble it they put it back on
Responsible for a bin each (kitchen or recycling) both get emptied twice a week on set days one of which is bin day, bin goes out they bring it back in.
Set table, help clear table, wipe down & dry table. They are not allowed to leave the kitchen until everything is done and clear, so they stand with a tea towel waiting to dry stuff that cannot go in dishwasher. We chat/listen to music or podcast whilst doing this.
Ds1 knows how to cook simple meals (thai chicken curry) and does, Ds2 less enthusiastic (not a foody) but helps.
Will hoover rooms, wipe down bathrooms, know to leave a toilet as you found it - they have their own bathroom between them so if it is dirty it is only one of them.
Know to lift the bath mat out of the bath and stick it to the wall to drain.
Rooms are kept tidy, no food allowed (they have a large den downstairs so all gaming/computer etc is in there) laundry into basket.

I grew up in a teeny house so you couldn't leave a mess without risking someone getting injured. Dh was raised by a SAHM who taught him to cook/clean etc I am just repeating what she started.

Ds1 is a delight, makes lunches, helps without being asked. Ds2 complained that he had to make 2 cups of tea this morning but expects me to wash, dry, iron his uniform, make him dinner, make sure there is food for dinner. he doesn't see it yet, but Ds1 does.

We all live here, we all contribute to the mess so we all clean.
DD’s have been cooking since they were 8 and 9. They cook 1 night a week each and clean up after meal 2 times a week.
They have done their own washing since the were 14. They take turns to feed the dog and are responsible for their rooms. I did not look in their rooms for a lot of their teen years so as not to distress myself😄.
Now in their 20’s and we tick along quite well.

I've been battling with my kids for years now over them helping out more.
It's got particualry bad again and have had to take things away from them again this morning. Which will inevitably make the weekend miserable.
I only ask them to keep their own rooms tidy, clear up their own mess if making food/drink, put their bags and shoes etc away and put their dirty clothes in the wash bin, I also ask for them to do some washing up if it gets alot or if I'm working late, none of this gets done and it's actually driving me mad. I'm a single working mother with no outside support and it's really affecting me now.

They just don't get any allowance as they don't earn it, my son is now 16 and has no money, luckily he doesn't go out too much so doesn't tend to need it. My daughter is 12 and always wants money but won't do anything, I just get the tears and arguning and begging when she wants to go out, I'm at my wits end, no matter how many times I explain if they just did x,y, z I would give them a weekly allowance and they wouldn't keep getting phones taken off them..
They just don't listen!

I've tried everything over the years from chore charts, tokens,stickers, gonhenry cards, apps, writing a to do list everyday...nothing has worked. I've given up a few times and just left them to rot in the mess, but I have to rot in the mess as well as they don't care.

Just yesterday my son came down wearing and tshirt instead of his school shirt and said he had no clean ones (This is a common occurrence) when I asked him why, he says 'dunno' when I yet again explain it is because he does not put anything in the wash bin because he chucks it in a pile on his floor, he starts moaning at me and trying to cut me off because he doesn't want me 'going on at him'. I try to explain he can't go to school like that, but he just says it will be ok, grrrrrr!

I have been unwell with a migraine the past few days, will any of these lazy shits do anything to help, course not.

I don't know what to do anymore

Send help

Depends on what else they’re doing. Revising hard for IGCSEs and part time job, a lot less than if they’re bumming around all summer.

I don’t think older siblings should ever be expected to take responsibility for younger ones, never asked that of them.

Mine always did the dishwasher (from about 11) walking dog on request, vacuuming their rooms and from 16 they have done their own laundry including sheets. Not arduous but they work hard on school work. They also are expected to dog sit on occasion and gardening on request

Mine cooked meals at that age (each dc had to do one family meal a week), and the others who weren't cooking had to unload / load the dishwasher and get the table laid and get drinks for people etc.
Each responsible for their own pits rooms - up to them if they did or not, but I didn't. I only washed what arrived in the basket and, once clean it was left outside their room so up to them if they hung it or ironed it or mixed it up with rubbish on the floor.
Like a pp, obviously if making themselves a drink, etc, then expected to make for anyone else who was around.
Then occasionally do odd jobs (get the washing out the machine or collect the rubbish from round the house on bin day etc) as and when asked.

It's a good idea to start early and get children to help around the house from an early age. It raises awareness of how much actually goes into running a household, ie. laundry, ironing, providing clean bedding, vacuuming, dusting, washing the bathroom, mopping floors, cleaning hob, oven, worktops, recycling..and that's just a smidgen of what needs doing. There is also meal planning, admin to keep on top of utilities, school letters, projects..oh and going to work / school around that. So yes...everyone needs to pull their weight in the house. It's a shared space and children need to learn these basic life from an early age. It's not fair to put it all on the parents. Plus shared responsibilities bring the family together - after a few moans and groans of course...! Modern life is busy enough - when responsibilities are carried out by everyone who is living under the same roof, it teaches us that to take some ownership of tasks that need doing - it absolutely cannot be all on the parents. Start them early - before the age of 10, so that it becomes a natural and normal part of family life. In other words sow the seeds so that they can reap the rewards when they leave home. I left home at 18 and was fully equipped in cooking, clean and washing - the real basics. It helped and I thank my mum for that.