How much should a teenager help in the house?

[totallycluelessoverhere]

How much do your teenagers help stubs the house or with younger siblings?
I’m wary of expecting too much of my teenager because he has school and homework but he also lives in the house and is part of the family so I think he should do something.
At the moment he is expected to load the washing machine on a Saturday (2 loads of washing through the day). But even that is a struggle to get him to do as he doesn’t think he should do anything. So now he has to do the 2 loads of washing or he doesn’t get his pocket money. He has previously had other small jobs but they never get done and then we end up arguing.
I think 2 loads of washing is barely a contribution to the running of the household. He never cooks or helps with the cooking and is reluctant to even make himself a sandwich etc for lunch if it is the school holidays (has school meals term time) and would rather go hungry.
I have tried to encourage him to do more around the house and to be able to do things for himself as he prepares for adulthood but it always ends in a major row or with him sulking for days on end and telling me that I am just old fashioned and kids these days are not expected to do chores. A likely story
He won’t even make his younger brothers a drink if I am busy and they ask him for a drink (they are toddlers).
So, if you have made it this far what is a reasonable expectation of teenagers?

my dd is 15 and is lazy in very sector of her life. Its so frustrating as she is getting ggod grades so thinks thats enough. She doesnt eat until we get home when working late so will wait til gone 8 at times to eat as she 'forgets'. The other day my niece came to stay and we are at work the following morning. They didnt get up til 2 then ate me out of crisps and jaffa cakes rather than make themselves breakfast. Cant work out their thinking at times. Would have thought she should be making us a meal at times like that but she doesnt know how despite me showing her loads of times.
Can literally shout if i as her to hoover or put washing on.
Sorry for rant very down today!

Sounds very similar namechange

DD is 14.8, it's just her and me at home and she doesn't have regular chores but will generally help out with whatever I ask her to do.

She's usually up before me, even on week days so she feeds the cats. I'm trying to get her in the habit of washing up more regularly but she'll hang out and get the laundry in, put a load on, throw the hoover over, put the bins out, clean the guinea pig out (usually takes a bit of nagging and if quicker and cleaner to do it myself tbf but if my allergies are playing up I get her to do it).

She also keeps her room relatively clean and tidy, puts her laundry away, strips and makes her own bed and is really good at organising herself generally - never have to nag her about homework or drag her out of bed in the morning.

Need to work on cooking skills, but on a Monday (she has an early evening commitment that I have to run her to/from and I finish work an hour after she finishes school), she gets the bus home rather than waiting for a lift and will stick a pizza or fish and chips in the oven so we don't have to rush about too much.

I don't think I ask very much of my 15yo DS. He is supposed to lay the table nightly but often skips it and is supposed to clear and wipe it after and probably does that about 75% of the time. He has to keep his room vaguely tidy, put washing in bin, hang towels up etc. He cooks once a week during the school holidays and very very occasionally during term time. We do have a cleaner so the basics of vacuuming and cleaning are done for us.

I was the first in my immediate family to go to grammar school ( in the 60's) and was never asked to do anything at all in the house. I was expected though, to be doing school work while Mum and Dad were working.

I kind of carried this on in the 80s with my DD. The only thing she was asked to do was either the ironing or full prep of Sunday lunch. Whoever did the ironing got to choose the music that was played.

If I tell you I know all the words to Girlfriend in a Comma, you can guess what she usually chose.

DS1 (15) doesn't have any specific chores, but if I ask him to do something ( lay the table, walk the dog etc) then I expect him to do it with minimal moaning

How old are the other siblings?

My two teens have lots of jobs to do:
Ds1 has to clean the whole bathroom weekly. Ds2 has to sweep the back garden, pair the socks and wipe the downstairs toilet floor.

They also have to help occasionally hang washing out, tidy up, empty the dishwasher and empty the two bins from upstairs. And refill water bottles.

Shocked at so many of you saying no jobs, high grades are more important! I expect that too!

My 14 year old probably does the least in our house but she is still quite good. Will tidy her room put washing away, empty dishwasher, help with dinner etc but sometimes needs reminding. My younger 2 are amazing and do so much in the house 8 & 11. Help cook dinner, tidy rooms, Hoover, make their pack lunches, strip beds, clean bathrooms they are up and ready for school before I am ready for work. They both LOVE cleaning and always have so I hope it doesn’t wear off when they are teenagers.
I would expect a much higher level of help, especially simple things like get your brother a drink!

My 15 year old clears up after himself pots wise. He's expected to keep his room tidy ish, change his bed, put his washing away empty the dishwasher, make his own lunches. Also add hoc jobs when we ask him, such as hoovering, cleaning the bathroom, put load of washing on, bring in washing from the line, cook tea etc etc. If we ask him to mow the grass we pay him as that is over and above normal household .

It's only me and my 13yr old. I expect her to do a lot and she does it, it's our way. She sorts her own bedding out, washes, changes it. She dusts, I Hoover. We have equal responsibility for getting every thing done because that is what it takes to make a house run. She is not a baby, she can knock up dinner while I clean the bathroom. In return she gets to have the rewards that come with responsibility (waves to mintycedric (I'm a goth on a name change) ) e.g. tickets to the summertime ball - I value her and she doesn't get pocket money for her jobs, but she is worth spoiling because she is ace.

I think of it more in terms of "we're all in this together" but I am lucky in that my kids are fairly cooperative unlike your son OP. I usually get laundry washed and dry, after that it's up to my two to sort and distribute. They set the table and clear up after meals and DS vacuums for me once a week. They both need to keep their bedrooms and bathrooms clean. DS struggles to change the bedding on his queen size bed so he will ask DD to help, if they need to prepare their own food when DH and I are out they will generally work together or negotiate. DD will often prepare DS's packed lunch while she is doing her own, DS will help DD with her history homework as that's his strength. I pretty much sat them down a few years ago and explained that now they were older the expectation of what mum did for them needed to change. DH worked long hours and travelled for years so it was very much to my benefit to get them to share the load.

ineedaholiday they are 2 and 3 and severely disabled teenager as well as the 14 year old I am discussing here.

she is worth spoiling because she is ace.

(waves back at Mac) that's kind of my perspective too with my DD.

I suspect some think she's a bit indulged, probably stereotypically as she's an only child, but actually, she's a great kid so she simply gets the privileges that come with that.

totally do you think then, with that mix of DC, that he might be rebelling as I assume he will be the only one expected to do chores (although with that mix him doing chores would be helpful). Also I assume he may feel he is not getting as much attention as he did a few years ago, pre the 2 and 3 year old arriving on the scene.

My Ds are 16 and 12. They are expected to tidy their own bedrooms/common areas when asked, they bring their laundry baskets down when asked and put away clean laundry, they help me to change their bed linen and DS1 cooks a meal once a week from scratch independently

Helping do the required jobs in OUR house is not optional. We ALL work. As in DH & I are full time and the two currently at home go to school. I do not regard 'getting good grades' as a free pass to letting others do their share of the chores required to run a house - anymore than I may want to exempt myself from household jobs because I am good at my employment!! That only reinforces the general entitlement already prevalent amongst teenagers these days.
I have had 7 teenagers through the house . These are my last 2.. From secondary school onwards they were expected to ;
Do their own laundry . (Washing AND Ironing if they chose to have ironed clothes)
Make their own pack lunches or arrange a Rota amongst their siblings.
Clean their bathroom on Saturday every fortnight (weekly alternately between siblings)
Cook one supper each a week.
Clean out chickens also fortnightly.
Never to 'do something' for themselves (ie make a sandwich/cup of tea/ run to the shops) without asking anyone around - sibling/parent - if they would like to make them/buy them something.

These are the basic rules for human co-existence and harmony. If we were doing some out of the norm project then I would expect them to offer to help within the realm of their ability with regards to time/social commitments/studies.
Quite honestly though, because they have been part of the team keeping the house running, from such a young age - it wouldn't cross their muds not to pull their weight !

Totally agree with regards bedrooms. If they want to live in a pig sty then that's their problem. I don't do their washing, so never need to venture in !

My three and a half year old fills the washing powder bit up in the washing machine and helps me unload the washing. I also give cloths to her and her brother who is nearly two and they wipe table or cupboards. They are obviously supervised and there’s nothing harmful on the cloths. I ask my three year old to help tidy and help.

When I was about ten I was expected every Saturday morning to run the vac and duster round the house. My mum always did the bathroom.

I think it’s completely reasonable to ask for help. Not only does it teach them some responsibility but they live there too!

I have a cleaner come once a week but with two small children and a husband we both work full time. The kids don’t know we have a cleaner lol and I try not mention her 😂😂

We all need to club in together! Me my husband, kids and cleaner

My DD is using revision as her current excuse.
She does no chores but will hoover if I ask.
However she tidies her things away,cleans her room and the bathroom.She does grocery shopping with me and put it away.
She goes to college next year and will be getting an allowance which will be dependant on a bit more sharing of the cooking and washing up.

ineedaholiday i suppose loading the washing machine a couple of times a week is a chore but in reality it only takes 5 minutes x 2 times. So 10 minutes out of the entire week.
The toddlers tidy up after themselves and the three year old helps me take non breakable things to the kitchen when we have finished eating. He also enthusiastically helps me with putting shopping away etc in cupboards that are floor level. The disabled teenager puts dirty laundry in the wash basket without being asked and strips own bed as part of routine without being asked and tries to help with other small tasks within his capability. He cannot physically do much but overall he does a lot considering his situation.
The 14 year old doesn’t put his laundry in the wash unless I nag (pe kit etc stinks so I’m not prepared to ignore it and leave it dirty on the basis that if he can’t be bothered then I’m not bothered) as other people have to put up with the smell from his bedroom. He literally doesn’t do anything to help himself or anybody else unless I nag and argue. His 10 mins weekly of loading the washing machine amounts to less than the time the other children spend doing their little things every day.
We have tried setting aside time to give him 1:1 attention and to do stuff solely with him but he isn’t interested and doesn’t want to be seen dead with us outside of the house

If my teen did as much as yours hotter I would be ecstatic.

I have two older teen DSs.
They take it in turn to shop for and cook the evening meal every night.
They have a completely free choice of what to make but pretty much every night it is cooked from scratch and healthy.
The one who isn't cooking is in charge of putting DC3 to bed.
My job is to clean up the kitchen.
All my friends are dead jealous 😁

I’m jealous too chiara

Oh its a struggle. I have a cleaner so mine are quite lucky not to have to help with a lot of cleaning. But they are routinely bad at leaving plates, cups and rubbish lying around. Their rooms are pretty messy.

My two are older teens - 18 and 16 - and have always been expected to clear the table and wash the pots and pans after dinner. I also routinely get them to empty the bins. (But when they are going through major exam periods - last year's A levels and GCSEs) I let them off the hook a bit.

Standardly, if they are in the house I also ask them to help with putting away the grocery delivery and changing light bulbs and doing their washing (DS is rubbish at doing his washing). DD will cook her own meals and do her own clothes washing but she is 18!