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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Constant loud music be played by my teenage daughter.

32 replies

NadeFC · 10/05/2019 19:28

Hi.. just after some advise please guys..
My 14 year old daughter plays her music so loud I can barely hear anything else.
I love music too and I'm happy to let her have it loud as I know it helps with her anxiety and stress.
Just sometimes I need it lowered so I can think or watch TV and when I ask her to turn it down a little, I get screamed at.. that I'm trying to ruin her fun or I'm boring..
Any advice on how I can find a happy medium with her?
Thank you

OP posts:
englishdictionary · 10/05/2019 19:33

when I ask her to turn it down a little, I get screamed at.. that I'm trying to ruin her fun or I'm boring..

Not acceptable.

Any advice on how I can find a happy medium

Stop trying to look for one. She is being a disrespectful brat. Treat her as she deserves. Remove the music at source.

Silversky70 · 10/05/2019 19:34

Wireless headphones or give her a time slot when she can blast it?

Twillow · 10/05/2019 19:35

Take her to get some wireless Bluetooth headphones. £20.

englishdictionary · 10/05/2019 19:38

I can't believe anyone would reward their child for screaming at them.

Don't buy her headphones. She doesn't deserve a treat, she needs to learn to respect you first.

pasanda · 10/05/2019 19:47

Didn't we all listen to music loudly as teens? Confused

MaverickSnoopy · 10/05/2019 19:51

I must say when I read this my first thought was I miss dancing round my room and singing into my hairbrush.

But. Screaming at you over it isn't acceptable. Chat when she's not listening to music and set out boundaries. Maybe when she's proven she can stick to them, then she can have a pair of headphones.

Original poster
NadeFC · 10/05/2019 20:01

I know I must sound like a weak mum thinking it's acceptable to be screamed, I don't at all.
The struggle is I'm on my own with her, and if she kicks off, which she does, I don't want a huge argument erupting. There's no one here to be mediator if you like..
I'm trying to find a calm solution, one that won't result in emotional upheaval for both of us..
Thanks

OP posts:
MummyBear2352 · 10/05/2019 20:08

A good pair of headphones maybe!

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 10/05/2019 20:10

We all use headphones here, to avoid those clashes.
In your case:
What's right for her is right for you. Play your music loudly against hers. The worse she finds it the better. Perhaps her brain starts working again and you can compromise.

MummyBear2352 · 10/05/2019 20:11

Not the best help in the world sorry but may work?

CarolDanvers · 10/05/2019 20:13

I think I'd hoist whatever was playing the music out of the nearest window if my teenager screamed at me when asked politely to turn it down.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/05/2019 20:15

You need to stop allowing this behaviour, full stop. Her screaming at you is completely unacceptable and by ignoring it, her behaviour will only get worse. If she refuses to turn the music down, you take the player away. Every single time. She needs to learn what consequence means.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/05/2019 20:16

You're the mother, you don't need a mediator.

englishdictionary · 10/05/2019 20:16

Didn't we all listen to music loudly as teens? Confused*

Well yes, lots. If I was asked to turn it down though I did. I certainly didn’t scream at my mum.

finnmcool · 10/05/2019 20:18

Perhaps you should ask her why she thinks it's acceptable to scream at you. Would she scream at her friends if they disagreed over something?
I was a single parent, it is hard, but you mustn't cower. She needs to know the boundaries.

IHaveBrilloHair · 10/05/2019 20:19

Would she use headphones?
I understand being on your own and not wanting to cause an argument, I've had the same.
Sometimes I just put my music on louder!

CherryPavlova · 10/05/2019 20:19

Chop the plug off and only replace it when she’s courteous.

englishdictionary · 10/05/2019 20:19

The struggle is I'm on my own with her, and if she kicks off, which she does, I don't want a huge argument erupting. There's no one here to be mediator if you like..

You don’t need a mediator. Stop avoiding issues. Your Daughter clearly knows she can get away with this. Nip it in the bud now before you have a ridiculously uncontrollable 16 year old.

FireflyEden · 10/05/2019 20:21

You tell her in no uncertain terms to either turn it down or turn it off. No arguments, if she refuses you remove it from her until she agrees. Who cares if she gets upset, tough!

Original poster
NadeFC · 10/05/2019 20:36

Hi I'm not avoiding issues.
I'm trying to find a calm solution as it's a struggle dealing with the issues when she goes berserk..

OP posts:
Twillow · 10/05/2019 20:49

You're right, I think, to pick your battles and deal with this calmly. Teenagers do love loud music, fact. Teenagers can be disrespectful and entitled, fact. It does sound a little like she is becoming over-challenging though, and that needs to be handled sensitively. Perhaps start by tieing any pocket money into a daily chore. Do something together to keep your relationship going and have some fun - maybe make a cake, weekly coffee shop visit together. Those are things I have found helped, anyway.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/05/2019 21:05

Even if she is having a tantrum, that doesn't mean you have to loose control over your emotions. Speak in a normal voice and remain expressionless. Tell her what you expect and what the consequences will be. If she refuses to obey you, stay calm and follow through with what you said. Leave her to calm down and go about your day. She is clearly very good at manipulating you. This needs to stop.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/05/2019 21:06

*lose control

ASoul · 10/05/2019 22:33

She has learnt that "going beserk" and screaming at you results in you backing down: job done! I think loud music helping her with anxiety and stress is story you've been sold.

Teens and even older people love loud music, but sometimes we have to think of others. These days they are even lucky 'cos they can get headphones!

If she won't adjust her music, just get rid of the speakers: job done!

ASoul · 10/05/2019 22:35

p.s. if you want a "calm" solution i.e. not in the moment, tell her when she's calmed down that if she screams at you again you'll get rid of her speakers next time. Sometimes you have to be prepared to "go there" with brattish behaviour - but thats just my opinion.