Help! Girl sending sexual texts to my 13 yo son :(

[Nevertoolate14]

My son is nearly 14 and has recently started with his first girlfriend he sees at school. She’s in the year below.
We randomly check his phone (he knows this) and I’ve been so shocked and sad this week to find that this girl - who seems perfectly nice in person - is persistently trying to sext him.. making salacious remarks and trying to get him to talk sex almost constantly. “You’re the only person I want to shag”, “my friends say you should make me cum on the slide at the playpark”, “shall I tell you about how short my shorts are..” etc etc ....
Thankfully every single comment was shut down immediately by him by changing the topic or just saying ‘oh ok’ then making his excuses to go offline.
I was so angry at first but cooled off, took him for a walk and we chatted about it. I asked him about her and his feelings for her and what he thinks about her texts. He said he finds it “annoying” and that he really likes her. He says this is typical of how the kids talk to each other at school. I think he has realised that this is not ok, and gradually we are separating out ‘mum and dad just don’t want me having a girlfriend’ from ‘mum and dad don’t want me being sexual on text with my girlfriend at this age’ but it has taken a lot of difficult conversations and heartache on my part. I’ve just felt like his bubble of innocence has finally burst and I’ve been jettisoned into the world of parenting a teen.
I don’t want to be monitoring his phone but until he’s 16, I will be, periodically. He’s not allowed to delete anything and I’ve told him he will never get into trouble for what someone else says or does but that he also needs to reset some boundaries with the girl.
He sent her a msg yesterday asking her to stop referring to her body and sex all the time and that he just wants to get to know her for who she is.
I was proud of him but it was almost word for word what I’d suggested so I’m not sure how much he meant it lol!!
Can anyone who has been in a similar situation help me? I don’t have friends with teens this age and I don’t want to be ‘that’ controlling mother but I can’t shake off the feeling a 12-year old girl shouldn’t be doing this... it feels like baiting him. My DH pointed out if it was a boy texting our daughter, we would have contacted his parents by now!
Thoughts? Advice?
Thanks

the one thing we need to remember from our own experiences - we could shut off when we got home. Not so today with social media. It's relentless and it magnifies the problem. I agree that if I were the mother of the girl I'd want to know and yes she is at risk at being exploited, not everyone is going to be as considerate as Op's son. That includes the boys her same age. It's tricky though how people react and that's why I'd go through school.

Her parents need to know. If they don’t respond, school, before she gets herself/someone else into bother.

Would definitely report to school especially saying about cousin etc. She sounds at risk. Could go via parents but would say via school is better as parents may hush it up.

No advice sorry but I have an 8 year old who is so innocent that the idea of all this in less than 4 years makes me want to weep...

I spoke to my 14 year old dd about this thread she said some people do this kind off thing to get attention but they don' t actually mean it. Its just all talk from most off them. I think if you to school without asking your son he could get a hard time about telling. Try and sort with her parents and get your ds to stop contact there are plenty of nice girls who dont talk like that hes away to young

You do need to say something and I'd be inclined to approach the school on this one.

These messages might not be all that they seem

for instance One thing also to bear in mind that IT MIGHT BE POSSIBLE that this girl is being egged on to send these messages from her fellow girlfriends.. im afraid it is the sort of thing young teen girls do

either way, this needs addressing quickly.. school would be a good start - do they have a good pastoral team you could chat to?

It's a safeguarding issue. Speak to the school.

The situation is worrying on its own but the additional comments about when she was 7 and her cousin are definitely worrying. I'm pretty sure would be seen as a safeguarding issue by school. If you tell the school they will decide what course of action to take.