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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Probably been asked a hundred times but would you leave a 13 year old home alone in the evening?

42 replies

ThespianTendencies · 17/03/2019 22:35

Says it all really. My youngest is 13 this year and as I am an actor, I do rehearse and perform in the evenings a lot of the time. I have my Mum or adult year old niece look after him but I am thinking, come Sept when he turns teen, would it be Ok to leave him at home lone between say, 7 and 10pm? He is absolutely fine with it and is happy to be left during the day if I am rehearsing or walking dogs, shopping etc. But evenings seem like a giant leap! when I was chatting about it to my niece he piped up with "you could leave me now, that's fine" but I absolutely would not feel comfortable when he is still 12! It would probably be a couple of evenings per week. What have others done? I don't think there are any rules as such. I'd value your opinions Mnetters :-)

OP posts:
madeyemoodysmum · 17/03/2019 22:39

Only if I was a few mins away I think. Daytime I’m happy a few hours but night no.

My dd loves horror films too so would prob freak herself out watching something.

ssd · 17/03/2019 22:41

No

TowelNumber42 · 17/03/2019 22:41

Yes, I have, he is sensible, he was fine. A couple of times he didn't want to be alone when stressed about something and so we made other arrangements.

PersonaNonGarter · 17/03/2019 22:45

It depends on how far away I was and how near help was. 13 is definitely on the cusp - but more as one offs not every night of a theatre run.

Birdie6 · 17/03/2019 22:46

I've done it with DD, she didn't have any problems.

MyDcAreMarvel · 17/03/2019 22:46

No 15 yes , not just 13.

Ikeameatballs · 17/03/2019 22:48

Yes, we are going to start leaving dd in the evening for a couple of hours from her 13th birthday. She’ll be in charge of ds 9 too. But this would be occasional rather than regular. Regularly and I’d be concerned re sleep and evening routines etc.

clary · 17/03/2019 22:50

He is fine with it, yes,, for sure.

Original poster
ThespianTendencies · 17/03/2019 22:50

So I am getting that is fairly subjective. To clarify, it would be the odd night. I certainly would not leave him night after night. I don't think I could cope - let alone him! He has been OK to be left since he was 9 while I walked the dogs. I was terrified and called him every 2 mins but he was like "Mum, I'm fine, you're around the corner! Chill out!" He's quite an independent and well rounded little soul. My daughter was totally the opposite (still is) but I find it is harder for me to leave him than it is for him to be left.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThespianTendencies · 17/03/2019 22:53

Ikeasmeatballs Wow, you're brave - leaving the teen in charge of the 9 year old but I do think that it is all dependent on how your know your children will cope. When I was 11 I was babysitting my 3 and 1 year old cousins while my auntie and uncle went out!! Not even in my own house and yet I didn't give it a second thought . Now, looking back, it seems outrageous but I honestly did not have any concerns any more than my Mum did (she worked nights so I had to stay at my A and U every weekend. Funny looking back...

OP posts:
Nofunkingworriesmate · 17/03/2019 22:54

Make sure he has several numbers of people preferably neighbours he can ring if anything happens
If sensible kid dnd happy then I see no problem

greenelephantscarf · 17/03/2019 22:56

yes. with sensible rules.

WatcherintheRye · 17/03/2019 23:00

I've done it, yes. It sounds as though he's fairly self-sufficient, and as long as a backup phone number (friend/neighbour/niece) is arranged in case of emergency, I'm sure he'll be fine!

Boulardii · 17/03/2019 23:01

As they get older, being around for them when they feel like chatting or struggling with homework or whatever becomes important. Therefore I would do it for one-offs, but if it became regular (you mentioned a couple of times a week I thought?) then make sure you have that time built into the rest of the week.

TheoriginalLEM · 17/03/2019 23:05

If he is happy with it. My dd is 13 and generally happy (ish) in the day, but complains of being bored/lonely. Not happy leave her to go out out in the evening though as she wouldn't like it but to nip to tesco or such like is ok.

Meet0nTheledge · 17/03/2019 23:05

We do, but not as late as 10, its once every couple of weeks 7-8.30ish with several phone numbers of her friends parents who live very close by in her phone and us able to drop what we are doing and be back in 15 mins.

Original poster
ThespianTendencies · 17/03/2019 23:18

Thanks all. It’s not something I’ll definitely do. It’s just something I’d like advice on. I don’t rehearse year round. It’s only when I’m in a production. I’d not go far from home, my niece lives in our road and my Mum’s across the road about 4 min walk (But she is 85 and I wouldn’t expect her to walk out at night anyway). It’s not something I feel comfy with but my son does! I’ll see in September. 😊

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 18/03/2019 18:35

I’d say yes if comfortable, but be able to call
On neighbour or nearby friend if needs be. I’d be happier once 14.

Lonecatwithkitten · 18/03/2019 19:34

Yes and I have done since DD was 12. One night a week I go to choir 7.30 to10 pm and one to two nights a week I am on call so in and out to work all night- only 5 mins away.
DD is sensible can make her own meal and has the dog and cat with her. She is highly like to move away from home next year at 16 for sixth form so 15 would be way to late to leave in the evening.

Original poster
ThespianTendencies · 18/03/2019 23:13

Lonecatwithkitten Your daughter sounds like my son! Funnily enough, my dd now 21 and in her final year at Uni was far less independent until she actually left home. She would never have felt comfortable being home alone but my boy is a totally different kettle of fish. He has never minded, in fact he was ready way before me. I think I will see how he is in a few months - who knows, I may not even have any castings!

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 18/03/2019 23:15

I'd leave mine (ds2, was 13 earlier in the year) from 7-10pm without a thought.

Mrskeats · 18/03/2019 23:17

Nope.

Sithee · 18/03/2019 23:18

Where I live, it is absolutely normal to leave children of this age alone. In fact, many 13 and even 12 year olds do paid babysitting in the evening for other families. Not making a judgement either way, just letting you know that it isn’t out of the ordinary. You know your child best.

Pinkprincess1978 · 18/03/2019 23:20

Yes I would. If I was reasonably close or had family close who could get there in an emergency.

Onacleardayyoucansee · 18/03/2019 23:25

I have done it, i have had to do it.
Left my 13 year old DD in charge of 8 year old brother.
Got loads of flak on here.
They were/are fine.
If i thought they wouldnt be i would not have done it...though there was no option really.

She has/had him a lot in the holidays as well, due to me having to work.

From ages 10 and 5, we all used to get the bus together and they would get off before me and walk to school while i would go to work.

Its not easy without support.

I wish you both well.