Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I have to pay my 16 yr old to do his GCSE work!

32 replies

caringdad66 · 21/02/2019 11:55

My son had some mental health problems back in October.
He stopped attending school and refuses to return.
No issues at school, just doesn't see the point.
He was forecast all grade 7s before he stopped attending.

Recently the local authority have been home tutoring him, and I set additional work for him also.
School are very supportive and send lots of practice GCSE papers home.

The issue is, that I have to pay him to do any kind of study.
£10 per hour for working with tutor, and £7 am hour for working on his own.
Have worked out what I can afford to pay him each week, and he's getting 60 quid a week.

It's all sitting quite uncomfortably with me, the fact that I have to pay him to do schoolwork.

However the pragmatic side of me says it's fine, as long as he leaves school with some GCSEs.

The money works wonders, btw, and he's engaged again.

Just thought I'd share.

Peace and love to all !

OP posts:
cauliflowersqueeze · 21/02/2019 11:57

Wow!

A boy at my previous school refused to get out of bed unless his mum had a packet of fags to give him. Aged 14. By 16 he was refusing to move for less than £20.

Pinkyyy · 21/02/2019 11:59

How silly of you. Great way to set him up for life.

LettuceP · 21/02/2019 12:00
Shock
Ottermum23 · 21/02/2019 12:05

Tragic.
Can I ask you what sort of mental problem he had, and whether he got help w it or not?

MephistophelesApprentice · 21/02/2019 12:06

Well, he's learning that hard works means money, which isn't a bad lesson to learn.

hoge · 21/02/2019 12:09

WTAF

Crazy. If he works he achieves. If he doesn't work he doesn't achieve.

hoge · 21/02/2019 12:10

Well, he's learning that hard works means money, which isn't a bad lesson to learn.

Pish. He is learning how to manipulate his parent into giving him money for something he should be doing anyway. Fuck that.

Slowknitter · 21/02/2019 12:12

It's all sitting quite uncomfortably with me, the fact that I have to pay him to do schoolwork.

You don't have to.

Well, he's learning that hard works means money, which isn't a bad lesson to learn.

All that he's learning is :"Why bother caring about my own future or having the motivation to do something that's purely for my own benefit if someone else can just do the caring about it for me?"

It's a terrible lesson to learn. Many kids in school expect to be able to piss about in lessons and make no effort because they know their teachers care more about the results than they do (because their jobs depend on them).

TeenTimesTwo · 21/02/2019 12:12

I think you are paying too much. It should be apprenticeship wage for a 16yo as he is 'learning on the job'.

Or it should be first 10 hours no pay, pay for hours after that, or something. You'll be broke by the summer.

And as he is now 'earning' you can charge him rent?

DerelictWreck · 21/02/2019 12:16

This is ridiculous, not least because if you're 'only' paying him £60 a week at £7-10 per hour, he's not doing anywhere near enough work!

Ellapaella · 21/02/2019 12:42

Instead of paying him to do homework maybe he can have a financial reward after his exams depending on his results?
This would be more of an incentive -so perhaps he gets a certain amount for each subject if he gets a certain grade or above?
He sounds like quite a businessman, perhaps he should consider doing economics at A level 😉

Pinkyyy · 21/02/2019 12:45

How about when he's finished his GCSEs and still expects you to pay him £10 an hour for doing things that benefit him. Because he won't get that from a minimum wage job. You're ruining his life not helping it.

SileneOliveira · 21/02/2019 12:48

The issue is, that I have to pay him to do any kind of study.

No you don't. This is a choice you have made.

FlyingMonkeys · 21/02/2019 12:51

Hmmm, £60 a week - minus; internet, electric, gas, food, board, clothing allowance, toiletries. Guessing it wouldn't leave much and would help him realise the value of money.

AnyFucker · 21/02/2019 12:51

You have painted yourself into a terrible corner there

VimFuego101 · 21/02/2019 12:59

I might consider a financial reward for the grades he eventually achieves, but paying him to study? No. If he fails it will be a learning experience for him seeing his friends go off to college while he has to sit through re-takes.

Original poster
caringdad66 · 21/02/2019 13:00

He had suicidal thoughts, anxiety and depression.
He went missing for a period, and the police thankfully found him on local moorland.
He was obviously referred to the local CAMHS team, but he refused to engage or talk with them.
He still suffers mild anxiety, but the depression and suicidal thoughts have disappeared, thankfully.

OP posts:
SileneOliveira · 21/02/2019 13:07

So he takes a year out, works on getting better and then goes back to sit GCSEs next year.

Paying him for study is not the answer to all of this.

hoge · 21/02/2019 13:10

Perhaps given his extensive mental health problems this is not the time to add the pressure of study and exams?

Original poster
caringdad66 · 21/02/2019 13:13

Agree with half of what's been said.
Thankyou for replying.
Thing is he gets one chance to do 8 GCSEs and they are vital, because they give him options in life.(college courses, a levels or an apprenticeship)

If I didn't pay him now, he would never get them.

Come the last exam, there's no more money for anything, and he can then choose to continue study or lie in bed!

At least though he should have these banked GCSES , for when he finally realised that he has to do something with his life.

The government will only pay for maths and English resits, after year 11, so in my mind it's better to do them all now, whilst they are available.

He is definitely manipulating me, and i am enabling that, but paying him is a short term answer.

Once he's got these GCSEs, the real problems of laziness, apathy and entitlement will have to be addressed by himself.

It's 60 quid a week for the next 12 weeks, or a very bleak long term future.

If I replaced the phrase 'paying him' with ' rewarding him for effort' would anyone see my logic?

OP posts:
Original poster
caringdad66 · 21/02/2019 13:17

Only maths and English available next year.
Unless I pay thousands to sit them privately.
At the moment , in year 11, he can sit 8 GCSEs , in a broad range of subjects.
That option isn't available next year.

OP posts:
hoge · 21/02/2019 13:21

If I replaced the phrase 'paying him' with ' rewarding him for effort' would anyone see my logic?

Not really, no.

I actually think you are putting for too much pressure on him. There are other paths than GCSE in year 11, and that isn't the path for someone with such troubles.

Pinkyyy · 21/02/2019 13:23

Come the last exam, there's no more money for anything, and he can then choose to continue study or lie in bed

Do you honestly believe that? What about when he wants paying to do college work? I assume then he will expect a pay rise with the work being more difficult.

Slowknitter · 21/02/2019 13:23

The thing is, I totally understand the desire to step in when your child won't motivate themself. You are fearful for their future (even if they are not).

Understandably, you want him to have those qualifications so that he can make use of them further down the line once he has grown up and learnt to be motivated about finding a good job etc. But he won't grow up and be motivated if you're teaching him he doesn't have to.

SileneOliveira · 21/02/2019 13:48

The thing is, I totally understand the desire to step in when your child won't motivate themself.

God yes. I have an almost 16 year old heading for exams in May. He is so laid back he's horizontal. i feel like I'm constantly on his back to study and revise as otherwise he'd do sod all. Usually I'll say "How about doing an hour of Biology before dinner, Child?" and he'll say "If you want me to". Which then leads to me ranting about how it's not about ME, I've got my GCSEs and degree and everything else and it's no skin off my nose if he fails the lot and ends up working in McDonalds for the rest of his life and then he'd be wishing he listened to his mum.

And all the time he's looking at me as if I had 2 heads.

But I'd never consider paying him. If he does well, treat when the exams are over. Not before.

Swipe left for the next trending thread