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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13 year old boy and girl sleepover.

30 replies

Jemmaaaaaa · 07/02/2019 23:49

My son asked me if he could sleep round his friend's house today and I said whos house. He said this girl. I said that I don't think boys and girls should be sleeping in the same room this age but my son said that him and the girl were just friends and have known each other for 3 yrs. They are both mature but I wasnt comfortable with letting sleep in the same room so I told him he can't go. He is really upset about it. What would everyone else done in this situation???

OP posts:
artisanscotcheggs · 07/02/2019 23:50

Speak to the girl's parents and see what they think. I don't see any harm, as long as they're just mates. If they're just mates then why not?

SleepingStandingUp · 07/02/2019 23:51

Called the other Mum and let her say no haha

Realistically if thry want to have sex, they isn't need a sleepover but I do see how a sleepover would give opportunities to push boundaries.

Have you had the sex talk with him?

I'd prob say no tbh

Ribbonsonabox · 07/02/2019 23:55

I'd say it was fine if it was a proper sleepover style setup, ie duvets on the floor in the living room watching films type of thing. I'd not be happy with them just in her bedroom together on their own.
I dont see why a young boy and girl cannot have a friendship as long as theres proper supervision.
I'd contact her parents and see what the setup is?

Original poster
Jemmaaaaaa · 07/02/2019 23:55

I'm pretty sure they aren't into anything sexual so I don't think that's an issue but I don't know

OP posts:
artisanscotcheggs · 07/02/2019 23:57

That's why you gotta ask her parents. Share your concerns.

PCohle · 08/02/2019 00:02

I think it's really difficult at that age.

On one hand it gives them an opportunity for sexual activity that I think they are way too young to have parentally condoned.

On the other hand I worried that by refusing I was prematurely sexualising what was still a completely innocent relationship between children.

When I was a teenager, getting talks about sex and contraception when I was 14/15 made me feel like the adults around me thought I "should" be sexually active by that age. Obviously that wasn't the case but it is something I think back on now as a parent to teens.

ALittleBitofVitriol · 08/02/2019 00:06

It would be a no from me too. The boundary creep would be an issue for me, if he's already sleeping over at girls houses at 13, when it maybe isn't yet sexual, then it will be more difficult to stop it at 14/15.

I would talk to him and try to compromise, what does he want to go there to do? Watch movies? Hang out? A specific activity? None of that requires sleeping over. I'd offer picking him up at say 9pm ish. With lots of talk about boundaries.

lovely36 · 08/02/2019 00:13

Absolutely not. Why do they need to have a sleepover? Why can't they see each other during the day. No way, no chance in hell. Especially at 13. That's a very very tricky age of curiosity etc. For me it would be a big fat NO.

MidnightMystery · 08/02/2019 00:16

It would be a big NO from me too.

TeenTimesTwo · 09/02/2019 16:25

It would be a no from me too.

I think saying no provides protection for your son as well as the girl.
What if she (or the next friend when they are 14/15) said your son had done xyz? Or if she or the next friend encourage him to do something stupid.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 09/02/2019 18:12

No I don't think I would allow this. They are at that age where it's possible for sex to be possible and it's giving them the opportunity.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 09/02/2019 18:13
  • possible for sex to happen
Aridane · 09/02/2019 18:14

No!

WendyCope · 09/02/2019 18:23

No way!

pilates · 09/02/2019 18:26

No

ShelleyMae · 09/02/2019 18:43

I think I would say yes

ReaganSomerset · 09/02/2019 18:45

I had a mate who lost his virginity at 12 to a friend he'd known a few years, also 12. It'd be a no from me.

RevolvingBananaHaiku · 09/02/2019 18:47

Why don't you arrange with the other parent to pick him up at 11pm or midnight? The late night for you is a faff, but it gives them the sleepover effect and acknowledges that they deserve something a tad more grown up like a movie night.

CandyFlossLegend · 09/02/2019 18:48

It would be a No from me.

AmIAWeed · 09/02/2019 18:50

My son is 14 so a smidge different, however due to the distance we live from his girlfriend we have always said she can stay over but in a separate room. I'd happily have her parents drop her off to show the situation on sleeping arrangements. At the moment he's only just kissed her for the first time so there's no risk of anything else but for me it's about setting clear boundaries from the beginning.
Can you just talk to her parents to see if the sleepover involves 2 rooms?

Aridane · 09/02/2019 18:52

At the moment he's only just kissed her for the first time so there's no risk of anything else

I don't get the logic here

mimibunz · 09/02/2019 18:54

Definitely no.

silkpyjamasallday · 09/02/2019 19:03

As a teen I thought I'd be the cool parent who would allow this stuff, now that I am a parent - no fucking way would that sleepover be happening. I had group sleepovers with boys and girls, but never one on one with a boy, enough went on in the groups so I dread to think how it would be with more privacy.

ChakiraChakra · 09/02/2019 19:04

^a late pick up sounds reasonable!

ourkidmolly · 09/02/2019 19:06

Don't be mad. No way.