AIBU to ground 14 nearly 15yr old ds

[bliey]

Just after some advice.
Apparently I'm treating him like a baby!
Ds 14, 15 in may told me he was going out with friends, fine he was only 15-20 mins away.
I found out he'd lied and actually gone to a shopping centre that's about an hour away, 2 tram rides and he would have to change trams in town centre at which on a Friday night will be full of drunken people!
I've told him before he's not to go to this shopping centre so late (6.30) spend a few hours there and get back at 10.40pm when he knows he as to be in at 10pm when he as no school.
Am I being unreasonable for grounding him due to lying and going to the shopping centre at night and coming home at 10.40?

[anotherwearytraveller]

Blimey I must be super strict!
At 14 no way are they allowed to come in at 10.40 having been out in the dark in a major city centre cruising around malls.

Mine have all happily kept to the rules because I am clear and we discuss together why I’m worried and what they think about it then try and find a compromise.

I would def ground for lying. Lying about whereabouts is a real biggy to me. If I leave them home alone and go out for an evening I wouldn’t lie to the about where I am and not come back when I say I will. I expect the same respect in return

[Sproutingcorm]

Just to clarify, I meant arcade, food outlets, cinema doesn't sound too bad. A lot better than drugs, drink, vandalising stuff for example! I wouldn't let my 15 yr old daughter out alone with friends in the centre of town late at night either! I think Mabelface's approach sounds good.

[bliey]

If the centre was say 20-30mins away and just 1 team ride home I wouldn't mind at all. As long as he was home for 10. Not 10.30-11pm. I feel I'm being generous letting him out till 10 on weekends, specially with the dark nights!
It's the fact he as to get 2 trams and home and stop in town centre and maybe wait 10-15mins for the next tram I don't like. Oh, and the lying about it!!

I've spoke with him earlier about he "dangers" his answer was.... well I'm stupid mum and nothings happened to me so why would it!!

Why do teenagers think they are invincible!!

[bliey]

*not stupid!

[Sproutingcorm]

Stick to your guns op

[Mabelface]

Thanks, @sprouting. Learning to compromise worked really well with my 4 in their teen years. They knew that the more they told me and were honest, the more I was prepared to lengthen the leash, so to speak. I also told them that I trusted them, it was other people that I didn't and any boundaries I had in place were because I love them and wanted them to be safe. I also told them that if they were in a situation they were uncomfortable with, they could message and I'd call them and tell them they had to come home. That way, they could roll their eyes and pretend their unreasonable mother wanted them home.