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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Drug dealers threatening me at my home

71 replies

Butterflybelly · 20/01/2019 23:03

I feel sick with anxiety about this. Two men intimidated me at my home tonight saying my 16 year old owes them money. I tried to stand my ground and get them to leave. They left saying they had tried to resolve it peacefully but clearly that wasn’t working. I do not know what to do. I live alone with my son. I have no one nearby to help. I don’t have the money to pay them and don’t know if I should anyway. I do not know what to do or who to turn to.

OP posts:

Earlywalker · 21/01/2019 07:53

Don’t call the police, it won’t end well.
You need to pay. Not a great lesson for your son that he gets away with it, but rather that than the alternative.

RadioGagga · 21/01/2019 07:56

I’m really reluctant to do that. My son has been doing so much better and just getting his life back in track

Clearly not

HawayMan · 21/01/2019 08:03

I'm so sorry OP. It sounds like an awful situation.

I agree with the previous posters, do not involve the police. Sell something, get an overdraft, or take out a small loan. Pay them off ASAP.

endofthelinefinally · 21/01/2019 08:17

Honestly. The police do not care.
The only reason the big dealer local to me was arrested was when guns and murder happened.
The other big dealer a little bit further away still lives comfortably in his mansion with his body guards and his tame lawyers and accountants.
Pay the debt.
Move if you can, or at least see if anyone can take your son to stay with them for a while, preferably a long way away.

Sarahjconnor · 21/01/2019 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Drogosnextwife · 21/01/2019 09:25

For the people saying phone the police, what do you think will happen? This dealer will be carted of to jail and never come back and everyone will live happily ever after. No, the police will let him straight back out and that's if the even find who it is, if he has no other charges he won't even serve any time. Even if they do serve time, these people don't work alone, they just send the next person round and after the OP phoning the police they won't be so nice about it next time. They aren't scared of the police, so I wouldn't get the debt paid OP.

Bowchicawowow · 21/01/2019 09:28

I would pay them. Just get rid of them then work on helping your DS to sort out his life.

Racecardriver · 21/01/2019 09:33

Sorry but your son is going to end up being roughed up if you don’t sort this out. They don’t risk anything by assaulting him because it’s not as of he will report them to the police. I’ve watched this happen to a friend of mine. First it was just threats, then they broke into her son’s house and beat him terribly. Then they kidnapped him for a couple of days. These people always escalate until they get what they want.

silkpyjamasallday · 21/01/2019 09:35

Don't call the police, they are unlikely to be able to actually do anything, and then your family will be known as grassers, you'll end up getting bricks through your windows. I would get the cash and pay them asap, the longer you wait the more they will add on and the more violent they will be. I know people who have been badly beaten for much less money. Your son can then work to pay you back.

FissionChips · 21/01/2019 09:36

You need to pay them and get your son to pay you back.
They won’t hang around waiting for him to earn it.

Absolutely don’t phone the police, can’t believe people are so stupid to even suggest it.

icannotremember · 21/01/2019 09:38

I'd pay them.

My friend's son hasn't lived with her for over a year and this summer she was still getting a dealer he owed knocking on for the money. She paid them off in the end because she has two other dc at home whose safety she was concerned about. Dealer hasn't been back. She could have called the police. Maybe they would have been able to nick that particular dealer (not likely but maybe). They could not have given her and the kids 24/7 protection from the fall out of that though.

It's not an easy situation to be in.

endofthelinefinally · 21/01/2019 09:39

You must talk to your son and find out all the facts about how much he owes and to whom, so you know how much you need to pay.

bobstersmum · 21/01/2019 09:46

Is this one of those pointless posts where loads of people give advice and the op ignores all of it?

Herja · 21/01/2019 09:47

Pay it. Swiftly. I'd borrow to do so. They've given him (via you), the gentle warning, he'll be hurt next time they see him. It needs to be paid and fast, there's not enough time for him to earn the money.

Yes, I have more experience than I'd like in this. No, at no point would I involve the police. Once it's paid they'll be gone, they won't see you as a new source of income.

UnderHerEye · 21/01/2019 09:48

What sort of society do we live in where the OP feels the only way to get rid of these scum bags is by paying them off ??

OP I really feel for you I do, and I can appreciate the catch -22 you are in, if the police where you live are crap and you don’t feel safe reporting this then the police are failing you and your son massively.

Sadly, drugs and gangs are rife in this country, ‘county lines’ are spreading the network further, and if this debt is connected to that then my advice is pay the debt and then help your son stay away. (I know easier said than done). Please do contact social services they have people who can help.

(Also anyone reading this post who dabbles themselves- smokes a bit of ‘harmless’ weed or take ‘harmless’ recreational drugs - you are part of the problem, google county lines and ask yourself do you really want to be contributing to this?)

NothingOnTellyAgain · 21/01/2019 10:28

I have to say I agree with "what will the police do"?

Best they will do is give the son a warning / or something that will stay on his record (as his mum has accused / he admits to buyng & taking drugs).

They aren't going to arrest the dealers are they, on what grounds?

Sorry OP but agree with others to pay them. Get the money back from your sn.

Original poster

Butterflybelly · 21/01/2019 15:23

I’ve had time to reflect. I’m moving out of the city. I’ve requested a transfer at work. I have scope to do this. I’ll pay the debt. I’ve got no qualms about involving the police if they come to my door again.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 21/01/2019 15:32

It is a good idea to get your son right away from these influences and make a fresh start. Good luck.

mrX2 · 25/11/2023 21:01

I know this is an old thread but there are a disturbingly large number of people saying "don't pay the police" and "pay".

If anyone is reading this in the future for god sake don't take any notice of these comments.

If you ever find yourself in a similar situation go to the police immediately.
there is help out there and they can protect you.

Burntouted · 07/12/2023 01:21

I know this is an old thread, but what's the update op?

I would have paid the debt, made your son get a job or something asap to reimburse you. I would have also told your son that if it happened again, he would face consequences for his actions.

He needs to face some sort of consequences now, than a brush off and a resuce from mom.

Police and drug dealers often have a mutual "understanding", alliance, work together, and on each other's payroll...they wouldn't have done much and perhaps turned a blind eye.

Unsure if they would have actually left you alone. It is a possibility that they would have harmed you, him, family friends, etc..tempted or forced him to take more drugs and more debt, made him work for them, etc...

I hope that you're out of the woods and they truly leave you alone....because it is possible that they can track you down.

If your son has a drug problem, moving anywhere won't solve the issue. Drugs are mostly everywhere.

If he has a drug problem, he will be doing these types of things repeatedly.

Hope all is well.

Perhaps he needs therapy and rehab

mrX2 · 21/12/2023 20:37

You said

"Absolutely don’t phone the police, can’t believe people are so stupid to even suggest it."

Actually she absolutely should go to the police.

The ones insisting that this is not an option and who are whinging about the consequences of doing so are the stupid ones.

These are the sort of people who end up paying ever increasing sums of money or worse still working for the criminals.

the police do take that sort of thing serious, they can protect you and frankly in a situation like that you need to put your foot down and end it ASAP.

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