Suggestions for Persuading my 17 yr old Neice to have TOP (sorry not nice topic)

[SqueezyDiva]

I realise that teenage pregnancy is not the worst thing that could happen to her, but I really do think my neice would be making a BIG mistake if she continues with pregnancy. Currently 6 weeks gone.

Her mum got pregnant at 16 and regretted it. Her mum's mum (my mum) got pregnant at 16 and regretted it. I got pregnant as a teenager, aborted and went on to mature into a sensible person, get a career, get married have a nice life. etc.

I just don't want her to throw away her youth on child-rearing. Not to mention my sister's life who has only recently stopped needing babysitters and is now looking forward to the responsibilities of being a young Granny.

My niece's partner is not offering marriage or any material resources. He is the child of a refugee single mum. He had just got out of a year in prison when he met my neice 2 months ago.

She is 6 weeks pregnant. She is thinking of having the baby as she cannot stomach the idea of killing the embyro.

She's a gorgoeus girl but has the physical and enotional development of a 13 / 14 year old.

Please don't shoot me down if you disagree with me. I just want advice from those with wisdom / insight / experience as to how to get through to her.

Love and peace.

S.D.

definitely agree you cannot , and should not force her , or try to make her do things the way you think she should

excellent idea for her to have 24 hours with a young baby or toddler or a 'pretend' baby !

the reality of having a tiny person totally dependent on you, even for a short space of time can be a stark contrast and a good reality check to the 'oh, i'll manage somehow' mindset and romantic notions of having a baby

i'm sure there are many teenage mums who cope beautifully, but a hell of a lot more who don't

independent counselling, no forcing, would be a good start

'You might have been happy with your decision to abort your baby, but that might be something she could never live with.'

If that was in response to my post lisa then you will see that I did acknowledge that it isn't necessarily the right decision for everyone.

I don't think you should try to pursuade her, it has to be her decision and if she feels pressured and does it against her real wishes she might end up hating you, her family and herself. In an ideal world she's wait until she was older, in a relationship had her own place etc but it's not an ideal world and people have to choose their own way.

I saw a programme on tv about teenage mothers a while ago and they have help afer the babies were born. They helped the mother's give the babies the care they needed, helped them to bond in some cases and just made sure they were responsible for their baby.

I think it would be an extremely good idea to arrange for some counselling for her.
It is vital that she has the benefit of discussing the future with an independant and experienced professional - someone who is not already fixed in their views, and who has no emotional involvement with the situation.

Do you have a children's centre in your area, particularly a surestart centre. Many of them have "young parents" groups which are aimed at parents up to 20 years old. Some are pregnant, some have already had their babies. It may help your niece as part of the process of gathering information to make an informed decision. Your Health Visitor should be able to give you the contact details.

I am coming round to the idea that if she chooses a different choice to the one I made at her age...well, we cannot live her life for her. we are all different.

Also, if my neice does go ahead with motherhood then the Dad will be someone that we have to embrace and treat with respect as best we can.

My sister (her mum) took a few days off work with the shock and stress of it all.

They've been getting on badly recently, maybe this was why.

My sister is still in the 18-35 category herself and has in the last few years started a career which involves travel around the UK.

She is worried that if her daughter doesn't cope well with her new respponsibilites (which is looking unlikely at this stage) that she will be unable to sit by and watch her grandchild suffer....she'll have little choice but to go through the whole baby thing again just when she was regaining some independance.

Thank you all again for the advice and the opportunity to "talk it through" in confidence.

It has really helped me so much. There have been some excellent suggestions, some kind supportive comments and food for thought too.

My attitude has changed I hope for the better. I think I am now ready to be a better support to my sister and niece than I would otherwise have been.

Thank you. I'll be logging off on this one now.

Best wishes to you all.

SqueezyD