Christmas Eve and we’ve given up

[Hen2018]

My 18 year old went to bed at 7pm. I’m just going now.

My 15 year old is so unremittingly spiteful and nasty that we can’t bear the thought of spending the evening downstairs with him.

The main taunts this evening are that his new Christmas Eve pyjamas, the stuffing today, the stuffing put out for tomorrow, me, my financial situation, the possible stocking fillers and his small monetary present are all “shit”.

He’s got tickets to watch his football team on Boxing Day and I spent 10 minutes chasing him while he threatened to tear them up. I’ve given up so I don’t know where they are now.

If I try and punish him he’ll get worse, louder, violent and break stuff - and decorations and other people’s presents are within reach.

Been in to say goodnight to my 18 year old (at bloody 7.45!) and am now crying in my room. I probably haven’t cried in 8 years.

Sending you hugs and strength OP. Christmas can be a bit of a powder keg for some youngsters with ASC, even if they like it really they can still get so touchy and agitated. Just because it's "different" from usual.

Hope your Christmas Day is going OK.

Hi OP.

Just wanted to say you are not on your own.
DS is 16 and 6ft 4. He is violent aggressive spiteful and frankly sucks the joy out of life.

I have called the police has as his dad countless times they do nothing so for all those saying call the police...it solves nothing it makes it worse.

I had my Christmas day on the 23rd (DC with dad today) and it was great at first but as always he ruined it in the end. Massive argument threats nothing is good enough.

Sorry my post holds no answers just wanted to say I am with you.

It’d be better to have this moved to the SN board. Otherwise you’ll get lots of generic responses from people with no idea about parenting a child with additional needs. There’s a lot of expertise and experience on the SN boards, and some posters don’t venture onto the main boards.

No real advice op but you sound lovely and a great Mum.

Thank you to everyone who has replied.

Today has gone pretty well. Son1 has gone to his father’s now until tomorrow. Son2 quite liked the stocking then went back to sleep until dinner was ready.

He’s now wearing his new dressing gown which has the look of a smoking jacket about it! New socks are also on, I notice.

Phew!

My son has what we believe to be PDA. We are currently going through the tortuously slow process of getting a formal diagnosis. Every day is like walking on a tightrope. All I can say is that I understand and totally sympathise.

Happy Christmas OP 🎄

Glad it's been a peaceful one hen

that is brilliant that he is feeling less anxious - there is a thread running in SN children or Chat about how Christmas can be really hard for children with ASD, even older ones - wanting it to be wonderful and worrying about the details I think sets them off You have really made it a lovely Christmas for him, even if he kicks off again later, don't forget that. Love the dressing gown like smoking jacket. My son with ASD is also a big football fan. My daughter who does not have ASd but is a sensitive and demanding teen always gets very upset by the end of the Christmas day about wrong "everything". this year she apologised though, it is a slow process for them to cope.

I'm with you love.. Our Xmas ruined by our 17 year old DD. Paraletic and psychotic on drink.. Threatening to jump out of window. All this in the early hours of Boxing Day morning... I love her but am mentally disengaging from her for my own sanity

Good choice of Christmas presents Hen