Should my 16 year old son get a job?

[Shazzasp]

My partner keeps nagging my son to get a part time job that fits around his college. I understand why it's important but I'm not really bothered if he does or doesn't get one. My son just doesn't want one because he's worried he won't cope with his college work as well. He just scraped through his GCSE'S (he has to re-take his English) And he's just about managing to keep on top of his college assignments. But my partner still insists he get a job. He reckons the reason why he is struggling is because he spends too much time playing on his xbox or watching YouTube! We turn the internet off at 10.30 every night during the week so he goes to bed at a reasonable time but he has asked for the curfew to be extended during the Xmas hols but my partner has said no. Not until he gets a job! It's stressing me out! It doesn't help that his dad doesn't want him to get a job I think it's because he's worried that he won't go and see him every other weekend if he has to work! I'm in the middle and don't know what to do!

I definitely think your son should get a job. From experience, your kid will turn into an ungrateful brat and take everything for granted if they don't

What times is he at college? Why is your partner so set on him getting a job? And why does he seem to have the main say on what your son does?

If he’s already struggling keeping up with his course work then no, he shouldn’t get a job. I didn’t get a job until I’d finished with all my education because I struggled keeping up with everything and I’m not ungrateful brat, I’m more grateful than I could ever be for my parents helping me out.

Also 10:30 bed time for a 16 year old isnt really ideal, especially during the Christmas holidays. Lay off a bit.

Your partner should wind his neck in. If you and his dad think he needs the time and energy to concentrate on his college work, then that's the answer.

Hard for us to say whether your son should get a job or not, not knowing him or his routine or his aptitudes. I certainly don't want my 16yo to get a job yet. He has more than enough on his plate as it is. But some of his friends work and are fine.

Is your son expecting you to buy him lots of expensive items that you can't afford ? If so, the maybe a part time job would helpful. I would limit the hours he does though due to his education. He also needs some chill out time on his console or YouTube and to see his dad.

If he's not expecting you to buy him things you can't afford then I would tell your partner that he's not getting a job as you want him to study and have time to Serbia dad etc.

It sounds like your partner is just trying to make a point about Xbox with him refusing to extend the Internet time over the Xmas holidays. I think you need topics your battles to keep a good relationship with your son.

Serbia ??? See his 😂

And topics....lol. That should be 'to pick'.

Bloody autocorrect !

How much revision is he putting in. I would say don't worry about the job if he's doing 9-3 at school everyday mon-fri, coming home and revising for 1 hour and studying for 4 hours a day on the weekend.

If he's at school 3 days a week and spends all weekend doing no work and not a lot after school is say he should get a job!

Jobs can build confidence, too. It's a good threshold to cross & break (get it over with). A small job (< 15 hrs/week) isn't going to impact his studies if he only has college + a bit of social life as well.

I'm on the fence about the late night access. I can't see any benefit in extending that curfew.

Lol. I knew what you meant x

Yes, he needs to get a job.

Thank you all for the advice. I think the common thing here is that he is MY son and my partner needs to respect mine and my son's decision. It's not going to be easy having the conversation though 😐

I don’t get why your partner thinks it’s his decision.

My DS17 who is currently doing A levels works 6 hours on a Sunday at a garden centre. Not only does he have some extra money but his social skills have improved so much.

At 16 I was working weekend shifts in my grandad's petrol station. Then, I got all my friends jobs there too.

At 14/15, I would sit with my nana who has dementia and clean/make lunch while my other grandad went to the supermarket for a few hours. They'd pay me.

I have worked when I was 16 and it was great for my social development and I still managed to study at college and uni.

Having experience with work even if it is a retail part time job helped me get a job when I graduated too, so there are lots of positives to working while studying. However working was something I wanted to do and that's the real difference here- don't force your son to work if he doesn't want too but point out the benefits too.

And yep your partner needs to quit 'insisting' so much, it's ultimately your sons, your and his dads decision.

My son did go for an interview at a large retailers but because he told them he couldn't work every other weekend (coz he sees his dad) he didn't get the job! Plus his heart isn't in it. It is frustrating coz I know it would do him good. Get him out, meet people, build his confidence plus gives him more independence but his heart just isn't in it.

I think it's a decision be made by you and your son. At his age part-time work is good for developing personal responsibility and budgeting skills. However, the focus needs to be on completing college. Unless your partner has been in your son's life for most of his life these sorts of decision are yours to make not your partner's.

I think a very small part time job

His education needs to come first. Different children will be able to cope with different things. Some will cope with juggling work and college and some won't. You and your son need to make that decision.

I think a part time job is good for most 16 year olds, my son had various jobs at that age, mostly in hospitality. He is now in final year of sixth form & isn’t doing a regular weekly job but does occasional work in the school holidays. I know lots of teenagers like to say they are concentrating on school work but in my experience seem more likely to be concentrating on X box/PlayStation & mobile phone .

Why isn't his heart in it? If you are spoiling him and all he has to do is ask for money to get it then could you maybe hold more back so he has an incentive. Not assuming that's the case, my brother was 18 before he got a job (lazy bastard) because he's really immaterialistic so the incentive of material possessions was not there.

I think all the while he's saying he won't work every weekend because he sees his dad will make him a non starter anywhere in retail as that's when he will be needed. Maybe his dad could drop him to and from work and they do stuff together in the evenings instead?

Becareful if your son works over so many hours a week he is classed as working rather than education.

The crux is, how much time is he
a) attending (and traveling to and from) college?
b) studying independently around that ?

Neither of which you have told us.

Then what time is he taking part in other 'constructive' activities - a sports Team or volunteering, or a music activity or a youth activity?

My dc (Youngest dc, or 3 is now in Yr12) have all had a PT job in 6th form. Have earned enough money to pay for their driving lessons. Not only the ability to drive, but the experience of holding down a job and all the confidence and social skills needed for that have been held in very high esteem when presented with further opportunities later. So I'd agree, in principle with your partner.

Try sitting down and working out how many hours there are in a week, when your ds is awake. Take away eating / washing / dressing / etc. Take away time on jobs round the house. Take away time spent at college + traveling there. Take away time studying at home.
I bet there are still hours upon hours upon hours of time he can then choose to do as he wants with. Yes, including X Box, but I bet there is time for work if he wanted to.

What is his incentive ? Does he not want a phone contract or the latest trainers or to go to a concert or two or to learn to drive ?

As to if your partner should have a say or not - that's going to depend if this is someone who shares your life and your home and is a long term fixture, or a new squeeze you've been dating 6 weeks I'd have thought. I don't think you can rightly live together as a family (if that is what you do) and not expect your partner to have an opinion.

Well, I never had a job when I was doing A-levels and I've managed to be employable... I have two DDs aged 15 and 17 and the academic workload is insane - I want my DDs to have all the time they need to get the grades they are capable of, and to have hobbies and a social life too.

Why does your partner, who is presumably not your DS' dad, get to make these decisions? His stance on extending play time during the Christmas holidays is especially unreasonable.

@backforgood. I've been with my partner for 8 years. Living together for 3. I think what really winds us up is the fact that my son has no other interests. His games are like an addiction. And to top it off I have just had his college report. It isnt good! He's not got college today so I hid his xbox controllers & told him to do some college work then he can have them back. He went ballistic. He smacked his fist on his desk & made his hand bleed! I'm not sure what to do. Do I stick to my guns & not give him his controllers or give in? He's not doing his college work. I can hear him chatting to mates on his computer. I'm no good at this parenting lark.