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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Not sure my son 14 is normal

47 replies

salterello1 · 15/10/2018 21:41

My son 14 doesn’t seem normal to me - but I think may be I’ve lost sight of what normal is as teens can be such a handful.

School - he has no interest whatsoever. He often is in trouble and often storms out of class.

He has no interest in spending any time with his family- he’s either out or in his room.

I’ve tried to get him into in various activities or hobbies but he just shrugs and says he’s not interested.

He’s very moody and often gets angry and swears.

He sometimes makes loud and spontaneous noises

I’ve just found out he’s been in the bathroom with a scissors cutting up the toothpaste tube and a shampoo container- when I asked him why he just laughed in a sort of mock evil way.

He often refuses to eat during the day then will eat a lot in the evening.

Constantly lies and secretive

Is this normal or should I take him to the GP?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 15/10/2018 21:43

It all sounds normal apart from the eating and the cutting up toiletries.

Teen boys usually eat tons, and I don't know of any who cut up toiletries, the rest, yeah, it's fairly normal.

Annandale · 15/10/2018 21:52

I would be worried by some of this, yes. Depression or drugs would be on my mind.

I'd start with him; tell him you're worried about him. Ask if he's worried or whether he would be concerned about a friend who was behaving like him.

Then school; go and see his tutor and ask open questions, say you're worried and his behaviour has changed. See what they say.

I'd certainly consider taking him to the GP. My GP is part angel, part feral and is great with alienated people; not all are of course but they definitely can't help if you don't ask.

I'd tell hom to help with one small activity a week, with you, out of his room. My usual suggestions are cooking a meal or table tennis - short, practical and fun. No choices.

BarbarianMum · 16/10/2018 15:37

Doesn't sound healthy to me. Id be concerned that he is angry and unhappy.

AssassinatedBeauty · 16/10/2018 15:39

What was he like when he was younger? How long has he been behaving like this?

Complete disinterest at school and storming out of lessons is not the norm and shouldn't be ignored and not addressed.

Spreadingcudweed · 16/10/2018 15:41

Spontaneous noises? Have you considered Tourette's syndrome?

info here

Spreadingcudweed · 16/10/2018 15:46

Sorry was interrupted posting. Sorry you are worried op and hope you get to the bottom of things with him.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 16/10/2018 15:50

I think it depends on whether this is a more recent change or whether he's always been a bit different. My son has adhd but ever since he was small I knew something wasn't quite right. Now at 14 he's very challenging, a bit like you describe. Did he change suddenly, anxiety? Depression? Or is it something more long-standing

JustDanceAddict · 16/10/2018 17:44

I have 14 year old DS. He’s def got more stroppy and argumentative recently but it’s def typical teen behaviour as he’s doing ok at school and not changed his essential character.
I’d be worried about the cutting up of bottles, possibly not eating in day (my ds eats like it’s going out of fashion), storming out of lessons, random noisies and rejecting school life.

Original poster
salterello1 · 16/10/2018 18:18

He does seem angry - he's always been highly strung, impatient and intolerant, even as a young child

He just says he's bored all the time, but when I make suggestions he's not interested.

He can't seem to process information very effectively and has little concept of time. E.g I'll ask him if he's hungry and he'll reply he's not, then within 2 minutes he will ask for food. Then he will get agitated by the length of time it takes to prepare (even if it's something really quick like a sandwich)

If he's out he'll phone me to be picked up (he's never more than a mile or two away so less than 5 minutes in the car). I always leave straight away and by the time I've pulled off the drive he's called again asking how far away I am. and to 'go quicker'.

I believe he has a learning difficulty which the school are trying to rectify with catch up lessons, but the difficulty is he is now either refusing to go to school or is truanting - he says because he's 'bored'.

He doesn't want to talk with me about anything, which really concerns me as I think it's important to keep channels of communication open.

What also concerns me is there doesn't seem to be anything that acts like a deterrent to him. I.e he just doesn't care about consequences either in or out of school.

I mentioned I think a trip to the GP would be good as I think he is suffering from anxiety but he's just refusing :(

Not sure what I can be doing for him, or whether to just leave him to it and hope he comes out the other side?

OP posts:
MorningCuppa · 16/10/2018 18:27

I would be worried about depression and drugs? What's he doing when he's out do you know?

If he's refusing the gp, I would speak to the school and let them know your worries, is there anyone at school he likes ie a teacher? Do they have someone he is able to speak to at school?

I wouldn't leave him like this, I think he will only get worse.

IfNotNowThenWhen1 · 16/10/2018 18:33

A lot if it is normal I think-teen boys are really odd(!) but some of it sounds like anxiety to me.

Original poster
salterello1 · 16/10/2018 18:42

He's also my eldest so I have no experience with other teenagers. I also thinks he is suffering from anxiety - I am not sure how to address this especially if he refuses to see the GP.

I wish he would talk to me but he just tells me to 'go away' and 'no teenager likes their parents' :(

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 16/10/2018 18:46

I think you could go to the GP without him and see if there's anything they can recommend.

Does he come with you if you do family activities? Is his dad around at all?

shapeshifter88 · 16/10/2018 18:47

cutting up a bottle to make a bong or something else drug related or just randomly chopping up stuff?

waxy1 · 16/10/2018 18:50

He can make his own sandwich.

tutu112 · 16/10/2018 19:12

I'm no expert but have you considered autism?

tenredthings · 16/10/2018 19:22

My teen used to cut bottles and things up to make bongs. Is he smoking dope ? The rest sounds like normal teen behaviour , they do grow out of it eventually.

AssassinatedBeauty · 16/10/2018 19:24

Truanting, school refusing and storming out of lessons is not the norm, and needs addressing.

BishyBarneyBee3 · 16/10/2018 19:24

I really don't like armchair diagnoses, however, look up ADHD and see if he 'fits' any of the discriptions.

Squeegle · 16/10/2018 19:36

He sounds exactly like my DS who is 14 and who has adhd. He is medicated but I don’t think enough- but he won’t increase the dose.

Squeegle · 16/10/2018 19:41

The school may be able to help with mentoring if he really won’t go to the GP.

buscaution · 16/10/2018 19:45

I'll ask him if he's hungry and he'll reply he's not, then within 2 minutes he will ask for food. Then he will get agitated by the length of time it takes to prepare (even if it's something really quick like a sandwich)

If he says he doesn't want something when you offer, tell him to make it himself when he changes his mind. He is exerting low level control over you there which will grow if you let it.

spidereye · 16/10/2018 19:49

I'm on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment and can relate to feeling bored all the time

Squeegle · 16/10/2018 20:04

You can also ask for an educational psychologist assessment

Singlenotsingle · 16/10/2018 20:07

Some of the stuff is normal but much of it is quite worrying. There's all sorts of possibilities - ADHD, Tourettes, or is he autistic maybe? You probably do fuss over him a bit much. He can make sandwiches surely? And if he's only 5 minutes away he could walk home.

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