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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teen Pregnancy

52 replies

charlie19283 · 01/09/2018 03:54

My daughter is almost 15, and she came to me around 8 days ago and told me she'd had unprotected sex. (Now its been 11 days since the unprotected sex) I'm so disappointed in her, as she always told me she'd come to me if she felt ready, and we'd talk about the pros and cons, and i definitely never imagined her doing the deed at 14, especially unprotected! Now there's a massive chance of her being pregnant, as my daughter told me what her on and off boyfriend said, i quote "I probably cummed in you for revenge" so now her on-off boyfriend is now admitting he ejaculated in her, and the only changes i've noticed in her is that shes became so so moody, and constantly tired and her appetites changed, eating a lot of what she used to hate and with strange things added to it. We've talked about all the options for her for if she is pregnant, and of course i wouldnt let her go through it alone. WWYD,
Help please!
A frightened mother Sad

OP posts:
JillCrewesmum · 01/09/2018 04:13

Pregnancy test?

Bufferingkisses · 01/09/2018 04:15

11 days is too soon for appetite changes but definitely not too soon for a gp appointment. Get her there tomorrow, insist on an emergency appointment and go from there. Poor child must be terrified but hiding from this can only make it worse.

As for the boyfriend, personally I'd want the police to explain to him why "cumming in people for revenge" is not something he should think about repeating.

celeryeater · 01/09/2018 04:17

Did you not think to get the MAP at the time? If I worked it out right she told you on day 3 you still could have used it, although obviously not as effective. Also, I would consider contacting police over bfs behaviour? Surely that counts as a sex crime? Cumming in someone knowingly without their consent

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 04:18

Hang tight and support her. You are doing it right - at least she came to you relatively quickly afterwards.
He sounds horrible.
Hopefully she is not. Do you know the date of her last period and length of her cycle?

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 04:20

How is MAP comment helpful? Ffs it’s not like you think particularly straight when these things are thrown at you.

celeryeater · 01/09/2018 04:21

It would have been the first thing I would have thought of!

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 04:24
Star
JillCrewesmum · 01/09/2018 04:39

Has it not occurred to you to do a pg test?

Hmm

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 04:54

A pg test at 11days is hardly going to be conclusive, is it? Hmm

What a spiteful bunch.

Op whatever the outcome you can get through this. She’s not the first 14yo to have sex or get pregnant. It’s not ideal but there are worse things than a baby.

I’d echo sentiments about holding the boy to account. Is he also underage?

TeenTimesTwo · 01/09/2018 10:06

Well, unless she and you have very strong ethical reasons for not having an abortion, then personally I would be advocating for that if it turns out she is pregnant. (As in, it is your choice and I will support you whatever, but I strongly feel …)

About to be 15, so just starting y10 (if in England).
Plus on off boyfriend.
The impact of a child at this age will be massively massive.
The changes in her you are seeing are probably just her worrying.

Hopefully it will just be a scare and she will be more sensible in future.

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 10:21

I agree with TeenTimesTwo but you have to tread so carefully because regardless of what happened and her age this is her body and her choice.

I’d avoid talking options until you know for sure. Hopefully this will be a false alarm and a lesson learned.

I still can get over this horrible boy or young man.

TeenTimesTwo · 01/09/2018 10:23

I’d avoid talking options until you know for sure.

Yes me too.

Mamabearx4 · 01/09/2018 10:33

Until you know if she is or isnt then not alot you can do

However i would be suggesting a contraception appoinment with the dr asap.

I would also be making sure she had nothing more to do with this boy (easier said then done im sure)

Now if she is pregnant then whatever you think has to be her call whichever way she goes as she has to live with that for the rest ofher life neither choice is easy.

I currently know a 14 yr old who is pregnant, she has all the support in the world inculding me. And it took her a long time to make her choice. She has support in place for her education etc....

I hope its just a close call and she learns her lesson to be more careful in future. But if not there is alot if support for teen mums now..

Best of luck

Original poster
charlie19283 · 02/09/2018 07:19

The boy is the exact same age as her

OP posts:
Original poster
charlie19283 · 02/09/2018 07:23

And to all asking about MAP, teens are good with their phones and googling and she's very aware of the MAP and what it does because we've had plenty of conversations about MAP, protection etc, and she refused to take the MAP because she had this idea in her head that it isn't always 100% effective, and also, the boy talking of "revenge", he apparently said it when he was drunk! He's made a promise to be there for her if she is pregnant, but I don't believe him for a second. She talks about him like he's a bloody angel sent from heaven, and in my eyes it looks like she'll be getting most of the support from her family, definitely not the boy.

OP posts:
Original poster
charlie19283 · 02/09/2018 07:25

And she also came off her period a few days before she had the unprotected sex which her 16 year old cousin shouted at her for as its apparently a females most fertile time, so it looks like we've got a lengthy wait ahead of us to see if she misses or is at least late on her period!!!

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 02/09/2018 07:28

I think all you can do is wait and take a test and hopefully she won't be pregnant.

cathyandclare · 02/09/2018 07:32

A few days after her period finished is unlikely to be her fertile time. That's usually around day 14 ( if you count the first day of bleeding as day 1.)

So hopefully a lower risk time to have unprotected sex- although still a chance if her cycle is erratic

Zoflorabore · 02/09/2018 07:34

Oh op this is so worrying Flowers

I've always believed that the most fertile time is around 10-14 days in the cycle which would probably fit in with what you're saying.

What has your dd said she will do if indeed pregnant? I worry about this as have a 15yr old son and whilst he's nowhere near ready for a sexual relationship ( body very ready but said no girls until after year 11) hmmm we shall see. I've just drummed it into him about condoms etc but you can't be with them 24/7.

what's the plan now re: testing? Try and be calm xx

Purdyflick · 02/09/2018 08:04

What a worry!
I too think the changes in her are because she's extremely worried.
All you can do now is get her tested,and if she is pregnant there's got to be some decisions made. I really hope she isn't,for her sake.
As for the boy! I really don't think he will stand by her. He sounds very immature and irresponsible.

I hope it works out for the best.

Original poster
charlie19283 · 02/09/2018 11:51

I've decided ill test her when shes missed or is late on her period as thats just the most obvious sign, she's adamant that she wants to keep the baby if shes pregnant and ive told her repeatedly how stressful it is and that she'll hardly be able to go out with her friends and her response was "I dont care, id give it all up for my kid", which i thought was a rather sensible reply from her! Just hoping that she isn't but she's really got the idea into her head that she might be and is much more excited than I'd like her to be. She'll be staying in the house for a while other than when i take her out as the other day she got an apparently "jokey" threat to "throw the baby" and to also "kick her in the stomach if shes pregnant" off her boyfriends friends! Great father he'd be if he cant even defend her when she's possibly pregnant, imagine if she actually is! I understand he's 14 and these things may be expected but it takes two to tango, my daughters stepped up and said that she'd risk so much if she is pregnant, but all hes done is made a lousy promise that probably wont last a week if shes pregnant!

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 02/09/2018 11:55

she also came off her period a few days before she had the unprotected sex

Take some comfort from this op. Even a full 7day period plus a few days (3?) brings her to day 10 on the cycle. There is always a change but it is unlikely she had ovulated by that point.

Now on day 18-22 (based on her period lasting 3-7days) you have a while to wait before you can test or her period shows up.

Don’t bank on it showing up on time - the worry and stress could postpone it a bit.

I think she will probably be ok. But the fact she seems to think that this drunken 14yo is a dream... she’s on a dangerous path.

khakoney · 02/09/2018 16:50

This reply has been deleted

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PurpleDaisies · 02/09/2018 16:58

But you can just feel(by gently pressing) her lower abdomen(uterus) with your palm(let her lie flat on her back).You can feel stiffness or tenderness(just a simple home test)on her uterus,before taking her for a pg test.

What a load of nonsense. You can’t feel a pregnant uterus until at least 12 weeks. Any stiffness or tenderness is more likely than not due to someone non medical poking you. Don’t bother with this op.

The only sensible way to confirm pregnancy is a test.

I hope she doesn’t turn out to be pregnant.

NotTakenUsername · 02/09/2018 17:47

khakoney - what a lot of khaki baloney...!

I’ve never heard the likes of it!

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