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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teen Pregnancy

52 replies

charlie19283 · 01/09/2018 03:54

My daughter is almost 15, and she came to me around 8 days ago and told me she'd had unprotected sex. (Now its been 11 days since the unprotected sex) I'm so disappointed in her, as she always told me she'd come to me if she felt ready, and we'd talk about the pros and cons, and i definitely never imagined her doing the deed at 14, especially unprotected! Now there's a massive chance of her being pregnant, as my daughter told me what her on and off boyfriend said, i quote "I probably cummed in you for revenge" so now her on-off boyfriend is now admitting he ejaculated in her, and the only changes i've noticed in her is that shes became so so moody, and constantly tired and her appetites changed, eating a lot of what she used to hate and with strange things added to it. We've talked about all the options for her for if she is pregnant, and of course i wouldnt let her go through it alone. WWYD,
Help please!
A frightened mother Sad

OP posts:
LemonysSnicket · 02/09/2018 19:32

Hopefully she isn't. If she isn't you need to have a serious conversation... yes, the MAP isn't 100% effective, but it gives you a damn sight better chance than without!

Do you think she wants a baby to keep the boy? I can't imagine at 14 ever being prepared to have a baby... she'll have a bloody uphill struggle in life if she does.

You need to make sure she won't do this again. Get her on the implant or something...

titchy · 02/09/2018 19:37

"I dont care, id give it all up for my kid", which i thought was a rather sensible reply from her!

SensibleHmm No. that's not a sensible comment. That's a 14 year old who knows fuck all about anything comment.

khakoney · 02/09/2018 20:32

PurpleDaisies
Unless otherwise,I meant no harm.

khakoney · 02/09/2018 20:36

NotTakenUsername
Any better name for me?

Original poster
charlie19283 · 02/09/2018 21:57

well she's already said adamantly that if she's pregnant her father is having nothing to do with his grandchild! I sincerely hope she isn't pregnant too, i just thinks school and then college and university all with a baby will be a lot to handle, but i've already told her ill support her on whatever decision she makes if she's pregnant as she's the one who'll have to take care of a child for what? 18-20 years?

OP posts:
ASAS · 02/09/2018 22:01

Fuck me if this is what 14 year old boys are saying.

OP, hopefully she isn't. When you know for sure for the love of God keep her away from this little prick.

Xx

Original poster
charlie19283 · 02/09/2018 22:06

She just seems obsessed with him, i understand she lost her virginity to him so i understand her being so infatuated with him, but i just really dont like him. He was asking her for a picture of just her face before, and she asked why and he said "well you might be fat and pregnant soon so"! She knows I don't like him especially since his friends have threatened her and the possible baby and he sat there and did nothing while they threatened her, but I guess all i can do is reinforce wherever i can all the reasons why i dont like him, he doesn't treat her very well either, calls her a "daft ugly sket" to his friends and also even her friends!

OP posts:
RowenaDedalus · 02/09/2018 22:09

It doesn’t sound likely that she will be pregnant although her reasons for not taking MAP make zero sense....
I would be concerned that when she isn’t pregnant she will try to get pregnant soon anyway.

ASAS · 02/09/2018 22:09

In that case I'd seriously be talking to the police and school about this abusive relationship.

Original poster
charlie19283 · 02/09/2018 22:24

She hates the idea of getting her school involved as she simply feels like if she gets him in trouble because she opens up about what he's said, she'll get 10x the amount of trouble off kids her age. She's had a very rough year, and her getting a load of trouble off a pack off kids because she got one of them in trouble seems to happen a lot. She was sexually harassed by one of her "friends" and the police were involved and so was her school, the school kept the boy and his pack of friends in the school to torment her which may I add they knew about but did nothing, and the police also did nothing, so she hates the idea of both of them, I guess because she feels failed by them.

OP posts:
Sarahandduck18 · 02/09/2018 22:24

Sounds like she planned this pregnancy.

Does she not see much of a future for herself?

You say you’ll support her but how? Do you have an extra bedroom? Are you going to provide full time childcare? What about money? The child will be well into primary school before she could graduate and earn more than a pittance.

What are the boys parents like?

You should report this ‘relationship’ to the school as it is technically a sexual offence against a child.

Taylor22 · 02/09/2018 22:27

Sounds like she planned this pregnancy.

This is what I thought reading.

She's going to ride off into the sunset with Prince Charming and their bouncing bundle of joy.

Have you asked her how she plans to pay for bills, nappies, clothes, hold down a job and go to school full time? You know the real life stuff?

BrokenWing · 02/09/2018 22:29

Dn was pregnant at 14 and initially insisted she was keeping the baby. Her mum (separated from my brother) explained the decision was hers and she would fully support her in whatever decision she made.

But she was also clear on what "support" actually meant as at 14 dn thought it meant DSIL would practically raise the child for her. DSIL said she would love any dgc and would love to babysit in evenings and weekends but she would still be working long hours ft to pay the mortgage so dn would need to look after the baby ft and get up with it during the night. Dn could stay at home with the baby for the first 2-3 years, but as it was only a small 2 bed house she would need to find her own place eventually when the child needed its own room. She would need to be prepared the 14 year old dad who was already showing cold feet would not be around to help. etc.

Hopefully your dd won't be pg, but make sure she has a realistic picture of how things will be so she can make her decision fully armed with facts.

Zoflorabore · 02/09/2018 22:34

Brokenwing- what happened in the end? It sounds like she changed her mind from what you wrote?

Original poster
charlie19283 · 02/09/2018 22:35

She's sat down today and had a long talk with one of my friends daughters who was pregnant at 16, she's now 18 with her two year old little girl and trust me she's thoroughly explained the problems, real life matters etc that she will come across so she's got a bit more information on what teen pregnancy will be like if she is pregnant, and how truly difficult it will be.

OP posts:
Fucksgiven · 02/09/2018 22:43

This happened to us. She was 13, nearly 14 when little one was born. It's been hard, but with support she's doing ok, and we all adore the child, who we are special guardians to. (Hopefully won't be forever)

If she is pregnant (or tested at doctors) there will be social services involvement. She can get childcare funding for school and college through Care to Learn.

If she is pregnant there's not much you can do if she decides to keep the baby, except decide where you are prepared to help and where you're not.

It's been a hard road, but I'm glad of the lovely child in our lives, we adore her. People have been far less judgemental than I expected.

Good luck OP, I'm here if you need any support

Bimgy85 · 02/09/2018 22:50

It's ok op. At least there are abortions available most likely where you live! Tg

Bimgy85 · 02/09/2018 22:52

She's a child. Please do not allow her to make the decision to keep the baby. At 15 she will be excited at the thought of a 'cute baby' and rolling the child in its pram. The 'reality' will only kick in once it's too late and she's nearly giving birth. Please, op if you're not seriously against it, get an abortion if possible.

Fucksgiven · 02/09/2018 22:54

The difficult part is that you have no say about abortion or not, you just have to support someone so young in making such a hard call. Being kind is the only thing that worked for us.

BrokenWing · 02/09/2018 23:09

ZoFlora, the father to be became more and more of an arse (he was only 14 too so can't really blame him) and she decided to terminate. She is in her mid 20s now, getting married soon and while we were reminising about her teenage years recently she brought it up and said she sometimes thinks about how it would have been but has absolutely no regrets..

ASAS · 03/09/2018 00:00

God good change schools!

PurpleDaisies · 03/09/2018 07:07

Please do not allow her to make the decision to keep the baby.

It’s not the op’s decision. She can make sure the daughter knows what she’s getting herself in for but it would be absolutely awful to force her to have a termination with potential repercussions for both of them.

Yogagirl123 · 03/09/2018 07:34

Hand hold OP, you must be worried sick about your DD, I hope everything works out ok for you both.

I have a DS a similar age, they do sex Ed and drugs awareness at school, why isn’t the message getting through?

I know a few of his friends are having unprotected sex and using drugs etc. I am very concern to read what the boy said about revenge, what’s that all about? Sounds controlling.

I am just pleased DS is so honest with me, (he has been offered sex, but declined as he is not ready)as your DD has been with you, that’s great that she can talk to you, and I am sure she will listen to your advice and learn from it, unless of course she wants a baby?

I had a friend who got pregnant at 15, gave birth with she was 16, she just couldn’t wait to have a baby. If that turns out to be the case perhaps school may have access to one of those computerised babies that cry at night etc and she could look after one of those for a couple of weeks to see what being a mum to a newborn is like. Just a suggestion.

I hope everything works out ok. Flowers

Amy1996 · 18/09/2018 22:46

@charlie19283 did your daughter do a test ? How is everything ? X

Alfiemoon1 · 22/09/2018 21:16

Have been lurking on this how is your dd op has she done a test yet?

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