Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

15yr old going to be a father????

46 replies

beeswaxxx · 05/06/2007 21:55

Today I was given some information that shocked me to the core.. my 15 yr old son got a 17 yr old girl pregnant and the baby is due next month.

He hasn't told me, my older daughter did but I'm sworn to secrecy til he tells me himself, which apparently he is planning to do soon.

At the time of conception he'd have been 14.. I had no idea he was active in that department, let alone having anyone to practice on and I'm torn between anger, hurt and embarrassment as well as wanting to offer help to the girl, I don't know her at all tho.

I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:

ash6605 · 05/06/2007 22:02

oh,poor you.i can only imagine how horrified you must feel.

sorry,no advice here just wanted to send you my best wishes,it must be awful for you.xx

Original poster

beeswaxxx · 05/06/2007 22:02

Thank you... I thought I had taught him to know better than to have unprotected sex.. seems I was wrong

OP posts:

Loshad · 05/06/2007 22:05

hugs beeswaxxx, that must have been really shocking for you. Have you had a chance to speak to him about it, sort of open the door to a conversation for him about so and so's baby or similar?

BrothelSprouts · 05/06/2007 22:05

What a shock for you.
I think I would ask him about it now though, rather than waiting for him to tell you, considering the baby is due next month.
There will obviously be a lot for you all to discuss.
Best wishes for a happy outcome for both families.

Boredveryverybored · 05/06/2007 22:06

Tbh there is no way on earth I'd be keeping it quiet until he decided to tell me himself, when will that be anyway?
I'd be sitting him down at the first available opportunity and talking to him about it. He must be scared among a million other things, and practically things will need to happen.
Will he want to be in babies life, supporting the mum etc.
I really dont think you can just wait it out.

jeangenie · 05/06/2007 22:08

well he must be feeling fairly awful considering he hasn't told you yet, poor kid
hope you manage to keep your top on when he does come clean, he'd better get a move on though
how are you going to look him in the eye until he tells you? I'd find that the hardest thing
do you know anything about the girl? does your daughter know her? were they in a relationship?

best of luck to you and them

MaureenMLove · 05/06/2007 22:08

You poor thing and your poor son too. He must be in a complete mess atm. Does his father know yet? I have never been in this situation, so its difficult to know how I would react, but I would imagine that anger is probably a waste of time now - its too late to do anything about it. I hope he can tell you soon, then you can try to help them both and support them as much as you can.

Wotz · 05/06/2007 22:10

He needs your support. I would suggest that you explain to your older sister (as she told you in confidence) that as his mother, you can not help wait and do nothing for your ds knowing what pressure he must be going through. He will have all sorts of concerns and needs you.

Hope things work out.

Shoshable · 05/06/2007 22:13

beeswaxxx at 4 days past 17 my son became a father, the mother was 10 days over 15, and like you we only found out just before the birth. (10 days).

They were not together and actually DS didn't know till the day before he told me.

11 years on, he is now married to somebody else (14 months ago), but sees his daughter often, had always paid maintenance (even when at collage gave the mother half his money)

Dh and Myself have brought DGD up for alot of that time, and have helped support her.

Her mother has now two other children by her now partner, and I still get on with her (most of the time) although DS and she do not speak at all.

It didnt hinder DS life he went on to become a Electrician, did hinder Mothers life, although as I had DGD most of the time (am a CM so it was possible) she could have gone back to school, but chose not to.

It was ashock at the time, but basically, we had to just get on with it.

And DGD is the light of our lives.

Original poster

beeswaxxx · 05/06/2007 22:20

well he's been acting strangely for the last week or so, moody, grumpy, snappy, staying out late, which is not like him at all... he went stomping off this afternoon and hasn't come home yet so I've not had a chance to talk to him. I think he will tell me soon, we've always had a pretty good relationship - very open and honest with each other, and he does tell me most things.

None of us know this girl, daughter didn't have many details so I'm guessing it was a one night thing.. apparently the girl doesn't want a relationship with him as she has a b/f now but she would like him to babysit n stuff. I'd like to be able to offer some help with the baby too.. it's a girl btw..

I divorced his father years ago and he didn't have any contact because of abuse, so.. he's not on the scene. I daren't talk to my mum or partner about it cos they'll go nuts, I'm the calm one in our family and I'd rather wait til I've got concrete news really.

I'm gobsmacked, my baby is having a baby.. and i'm not even 36 yet! Part of me also wants to kill him cos I've always made sure my children were educated about safe sex etc and waiting for someone special and all that.. I feel ashamed and let down too.

What a bloody mess

OP posts:

Original poster

beeswaxxx · 05/06/2007 22:22

Thanks for that shoshable.. I hope things turn out as positively as that for us too.

OP posts:

BrothelSprouts · 05/06/2007 22:23

You sound like a lovely mum, beeswaxxx.
Once you all get over the shock of the situation, I'm sure the new baby will be a blessing to you all.

Shoshable · 05/06/2007 22:32

BW, and one consilation, you will always win the glamerous granny contest

chin up, it is ahell of ashock, but babies always bring there own joy and love.

jeangenie · 06/06/2007 14:03

how are you doing today beeswaxxx? have you spoken to your son yet? shock died down enough to let you enjoy the thought of yourself as most glamourous granny in town? (don't mean to be flippant at all btw)

I hope all works out well for you and all concerned, and as shoshable says babies are great

Idobelieveinfairies · 06/06/2007 14:09

Hope it all works out ok for you. I am suprised the girls parents haven't been in contact with you tbh.

We can only advise our children on what to do, tell them wrong from right. We can't be with the every minute of the day, and that is when they make mistakes.

Just think of them baby cuddles.x

FioFio · 06/06/2007 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

beeswaxxx · 06/06/2007 21:47

thanks everyone.. yes he came in last night and told me, he's not slept for days worrying about it and the baby girl was born yesterday. He said she's got a tiny bit of blonde hair and blue eyes like his... the girl has brown eyes and dark hair

He won't tell me who the family are or where they live or anything so not much I can do as yet.. he says they don't want him or us to be involved, they're happy to do it all themselves but as far as I'm concerned that little baby is part of our family too and I don't want her to come looking for us and feeling rejected or unwanted by us when she's older. I asked him again tonight about seeing the baby or at least being able to speak to the girl's family about it and he said he'd think about it.

I couldn't help but look in mothercare today at all the lovely little dresses and things but I don't know whether to buy things or not if they won't be welcomed. It's so difficult to know what to do but at the moment if he won't tell me who they are there's nothing I can do is there? I just feel so helpless and shocked, tbh

OP posts:

dolally · 06/06/2007 22:09

what a confusion for you, poor thing, and a great big melting pot of emotions. Stick to your guns about wanting to be involved with the child though - very important for you and the baby in the future, not to mention your son.

Probably best to take it gently though - step by step. Eventually you'll discover more, your ds is probably shell shocked himself at the mo.

What is the legal situation, will your son have his name on the baby's birth cert? Too soon even to think about that I guess.

Lots of luck

nappyaddict · 06/06/2007 22:31

grrr it really pisses me off when girls say they don't want the father involved. fair enough if they are violent or absuive but otherwise it makes me very angry.

it breaks my heart reading things like this. my little boy is the most wonderful thing you'd ever meet and it makes me so sad that his father has never clapped eyes on him. i've lost many nights sleep worrying about whether it will affect him. my ds' dad is an absolute selfish twat and it really irritates me that mothers can be so selfish to deny their child seeing their own father.

sorry rant over.

if i were you i would see what the legal situation is.

Original poster

beeswaxxx · 06/06/2007 22:42

at the moment everything is up in the air.. from what I can gather the girl is putting her current b/f's name on the birth cert.. very noble of him but they're 17 ffs... it's hardly likely to be a lifelong relationship [cynical smiley] and what's going to happen if they break up and the CSA come after him? I don't even know if that would be legal?

I just haven't a clue what's going to happen/is happening to be honest but I do want us to be part of this baby's life even if it's a small part, just so she knows she has other family who care about her.

OP posts:

jeangenie · 06/06/2007 22:42

wow, well at least your son got to see his daughter so the girl's family are obviously not burning all bridges which must be a good sign
let's just hope they turn out to be a reasonable bunch (as you certainly sound) and let your family welcome their new addition too
I hope you'll be buying those baby dresses really soon!
how is your son doing? he must be feeling very mixed up right now

jeangenie · 06/06/2007 22:45

crossed posts beeswaxx - that sounds crazy, putting her current bf on the cert, I wonder if it can be legal if your son wants to claim his right as the little girl's father
sorry, no idea how all that works but I hope it is in your favour, that little girl deserves to know she has another loving family, as it certainly sounds like you are, even though you must still be in shock having only found out yesterday
best of luck with sorting it all out

nappyaddict · 06/06/2007 22:47

surely it is not legal to put someone else on the birth certificate if they are not the father?

i really think you need to talk to someone about this. maybe ask in the legal section on here for starters just to see where you stand?

fireflyfairy2 · 06/06/2007 22:54

First of all though, is your son 100% sure he is the childs daddy?

If so, i'd fight her tooth & nail for access & there's no way in hell I would let someone else be named as the father.

Original poster

beeswaxxx · 06/06/2007 22:56

That's a great idea.. I'll do it tomorrow when my head's a bit more together, I feel a bit out of it just now :/

The girl's boyfriend is black but the girl and my son and obviously the baby is white so I would imagine that it would generate a few comments anyway.. I was just thinking ahead to the sleepless nights and not being able to go out and all their money going on nappies and baby things, if the boyfriend gets fed up and leaves what will happen then?

I'm also wondering about the CSA... if they can't get money from my son as he's only just turned 15, (14 at the time of conception) will they come to me instead? Is there some kind of legality about underage sex or sex with a minor that could cause problems in future.. I just get these random thoughts with no clue to the answers yet.. I think it just needs to sink in first and then let reality bite.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2