15yr old going to be a father????

[beeswaxxx]

Today I was given some information that shocked me to the core.. my 15 yr old son got a 17 yr old girl pregnant and the baby is due next month.

He hasn't told me, my older daughter did but I'm sworn to secrecy til he tells me himself, which apparently he is planning to do soon.

At the time of conception he'd have been 14.. I had no idea he was active in that department, let alone having anyone to practice on and I'm torn between anger, hurt and embarrassment as well as wanting to offer help to the girl, I don't know her at all tho.

I just don't know what to do.

Well, my sister & her BF were both 15 when she got pregnant.

She had the baby & his parents & our parents helped buy the baby what she needed etc.

When her BF started working he bought a car & his parents still funded the baby... my sis & BF split up. Since then [10 years ago] He has give her a total of £40 a month for her dd.

I don't know what way it works if he is underage & not working as my sisters BF was just a spoilt wee shite who's mam & dad bailed him out of everything

the csa won't come to you, but if he has a part time job he might be expected to pay a tiny fraction of it.

fireflyfairy.. he said the baby looks like him but they look like everyone at first don't they? he did say the baby is blonde and blue eyed like him while the baby's mother has dark brown hair and eyes. I've never met her, don't even know her name so.. I dunno

As to the birth cert thing, I absolutely agree with you.. but without knowing who the girl is or where they live or anything, there's really nothing I can do as yet. I'm just hoping my son will open up a bit when things are a bit calmer.

I'm going to try and get some sleep tonight.. didn't get a wink last night, I gave my son a sleeping pill last night as he's not slept properly since he found out last week.. he slept til 4pm today and he looks and seems so much better for it, while I was having to sit thru meetings and try to concentrate on work stuff while my eyes kept filling up with tears cos I so want to see our new little girl, thankfully I was able to blame it on hayfever

The worst part is that I've not told anyone yet.. it kind of seems as tho there would be no point getting people worked up about it if we wont be able to see her.

Arrgh I just don't know what to do or say or suggest for the best really.

Im pretty sure its illegal to name a man on a birth Cert knowing he is not the father. Your son can only be on the cert if he attends the register office with the mum.

I would suggest you speak to son agin, the girl will need help and I think if you feel able to, be part of the child's life.

Hugs
L

the girl can refuse to let your son be on the birth certificate as they are not married but he can apply for parental responsibility and it is unlikely he would be denied this.

I'm more than happy to contribute towards the baby's upkeep, and I told him last night that he will have to start thinking like a man and put money aside for the little one from now on and either give it to her mother regularly or if that won't work then put it in a separate account to give to the baby when she's old enough.

It just seems so weird that my baby has a baby and my brain keeps running off at different tangents.

I think its wonderful that you want to help out and form a relationship with this baby girl.
I hope you find some way to get this to work
Hugs

Giving false information is a serious offence. Any person who knowingly gives false information in a material particular to a registrar is liable:
a) on conviction on indictment, to a fine or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding two years, or to both;
b) on summary conviction, to a fine not exceeding Level 3 on the standard scale or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding three months, or to both.

But you would need to prove that she knowingly did it. Does your son have any text messages or anything like that where she has said he is the father or stating what she is planning to do? if so he needs to keep these.

yes bees, get yourself some advice, maybe start at the CAB?.

Hopefully when the dust settles you can get it all sorted for everyone's benefit, but it's worth getting some idea of where you and DS stand.

oops I mean some advice IN ADDITION to the useful stuff everyone's already given you!!

Your son can make an application undr the Children Act l989 for parental responsibility and defined contact orders.

You can make an application for permission to apply for contact as well in a separate case and both you and your ds would almost certainly be successful, though the court may well say that contact can only take place either at a contact centre or under the mum's family's supervision until the little girl gets used to seeing her dad. Those orders usually get reviewed after 6 to 12 months.

He'll get legal aid and you will as well if you qualify financially.

It's extremely unlikely he'll pay anything via the CSA until he's working which presumably will be a few years off yet. When he is, he'll pay 15% of his net salary.

Before making any legal applications you could ask the mum if she'll agree to go for mediation.

i was 14 when i got pregnant (so my boyfriend was 14 aswell)

he's been a fantastic father and certainly wasnt a "role student" until DS was born, its changed him so much and his very mature and stuff now

people assume that all teen parents are stupid and crap as parents but truth is it matures you, most teen dads that i know were scared at first but have grown up quickly and now act like young adults

give him all the support he needs once he tells you and make sure he knows you believe in his parenting skills as he will (silently) be wanting your support

Good luck

i was 14 when i got pregnant (so my boyfriend was 14 aswell)

he's been a fantastic father and certainly wasnt a "role student" until DS was born, its changed him so much and his very mature and stuff now

people assume that all teen parents are stupid and crap as parents but truth is it matures you, most teen dads that i know were scared at first but have grown up quickly and now act like young adults

give him all the support he needs once he tells you and make sure he knows you believe in his parenting skills as he will (silently) be wanting your support

Good luck

ethanchristopher

you do realise this thread is over a year old don't you ?

You sound like you're doing really well besswaxxx.

Please keep trying to get contact with this new baby, and instilling in your son the idea of being a dad. It would be such a shame if the girls family succeeded in denying him access, the LO is very much his child too, so keep fighting! Has he told you the name of the mother/ or could your DD find out so that you could try and speak to the mother's parents and find out why they don't want him involved?

oh oops.

Ah just read this whole thread and then realised it was a year old. any updates beeswax how are things now?

nope had not realised at all

why is it still on active convo's???

Rachel2 - have you contacted Mn regardng media requests? You can contact them by email via the home page. There is a special section on MN or such requests rather than posting on lots of older threads.