As happy as your saddest child

[littlebillie]

I have a few difficult conversations to have with my DS, first world disappointments which are not life changing. But I feel so sad for him, as it's not his fault.

Someone said to me recently your are only as happy as your saddest child. I definitely feel like this at the moment ☹️

I'm so sorry to hear that there are so many of us that this resonates with.

My 18 yr old DS is just in the process of being diagnosed with BPD (the struggles we have faced just to get this far with the NHS have been ridiculous). It's heart breaking seeing the daily struggles he faces, not to mention the suicide attempts and frequent self harm. After dropping out of A levels we were so happy for him when he got accepted on an apprenticeship scheme, however last night he dropped the bombshell that he can't face it and won't be starting next week.
Most days I think back to the happy, smiling child that seemed not to have a care in the world that he once was and wonder what on earth happened?

for you @Hollowgirl

and for both of us. She had a much better day today but still have my fingers firmly crossed. All we can do is be there for them, give them love, advice and just do our best. I wish your son all the best for his future, and hugs for you. I think schools and the NHS need to take mental health way more seriously, currently they are simply putting out fires as they happen with a leaky bucket. This needs to change if lives are to be transformed and saved.

Thank you so much @Blessthekids

Thats good that she has had a better day, hopefully it will continue to improve.
The college that my DS attended was absolutely useless when it came to pastoral care. He ended up going from a grade A student to dropping out without any support from them along the way. After his suicide attempt he was placed under CAHMS which caused more harm than good. The mental health service is woeful in my area, both for children and adults. Luckily DS has our support but I dread to think what happens to those who don't have anyone to fight for them to get the help that they need.

All the best to the new posters

Very true x

Thanks Any

Jumping on this sad little band wagon. My 14yo is desperately sad and I feel her problems are worse to cope with than mine as I'm powerless.
Wishing you all well

you too @mmmbeans

If you wanna share, we are here to listen. Keeping fingers crossed for all our dc. X

She's got a lot of anxiety which (I know sounds selfish) is impacting everyone. Been having counselling for best part of a year but doesn't seem to be helping.

She'll beg me to meet her halfway from school on her way home but I can't as when I work from home (about half the week) I have to be near my laptop and take calls with sensitive information which I can't do in public. Gets hysterical and in a mood when I won't meet her. When walking to and from school will opt to walk through a muddy field instead of by pavement as she can't bear to have people look at her whether pedestrians or from cars etc. Comes home with school shoes and tights filthy. Won't come out shopping, cinema, meals etc. Refuses to use public transport which is a pain when dh isn't about and we need to get places as I don't drive (medical condition) so I end up paying for taxis.

Awful relationship with her dad (my ex) and I end up getting drawn in to the drama, really affecting my own mental health. (Huge back story with this tbh).

I do everything I can to support her but it's not enough and it's so draining. Her anxiety makes her v snappy.

Would give anything for her to be happy but she tells me repeatedly she's not and would rather not be here. Gp and camhs useless. Sigh.

That sounds very tough on all of you. Do you know what the cause of her anxiety is?

I have not had counselling myself but those I know who have for things like depression say if it doesn't help, its because you haven't found the right counsellor. I don't know whether this is true though.

Draining. Yep....that's the right word. You would give anything to make it right but unfortunately it's not within our power.

And as someone very in control (usually) it's a tough pill to swallow.

My son is not in education and not in work at 18. My greatest wish is that he finds his place in the world. One day he will, I have to trust him on that.

Cause of anxiety, probably a lot of things tbh.

Long story, very controlling father. Stopped from seeing him when younger due to his anger towards her. Now she's of an age she can decide, she's decided she wants him in her life no matter what. So she'll come home from an overnight upset about one thing or another and I offer as much support as I can while biting my tongue. She'll probably see eventually that it's a toxic relationship but until then we all suffer the consequences. She believes what he tells her...she's a disgrace (for using half a bottle of bubble bath), causing upset in HIS family due to her mood swings. She feels like an outsider when she visits however I'm powerless as he'll not listen and can't see his own faults etc etc. Too long to get in to. But she has zero confidence.

Probably affected by my own mental health, have had a rocky road but (touch wood) I've been fairly healthy for a few years. I was very unwell on and off for a few years which involves me being pretty much unable to function but luckily I have a very supportive dh who picked up all the pieces when I couldn't. Can't imagine that was good for her either.

If I could go back and change things I absolutely would. Could have made better choices regarding access with her dad and how I handled it

@Anyfucker - I just kept nodding reading your post. You are not alone, though i don't know what comfort if any that will bring you. I think talking about it helps. I have a ds much younger with MH issues that makes me anxious often. I know that dreaded feeling when they're starting to slip, the OCD is kicking in, negativity about everything etc but oh! when they are well and you know for sure they are feeling well, like when he takes his bike out for a ride down the road it feels like the sun is shining just for you.

MH is a bitch because you can't see it, no one can see it, everything looks alright on the outside, you can't massage it better and there's no quick pill to just get rid. It fools people into thinking they are okay, so it doesn't garner the same sympathy and support other illnesses do. Sometimes I wish i could just reach into ds's head and yank out the illness.

Talking always helps though to an extent, it helps them as well, there's some peace DS gets after telling me everything that's been going on in his head, because they have a fear of letting people know the confused thoughts going on in their minds so bottle it up for a long time, until finally they are in a place or with someone that can let it all out with.

to all other posters.

back atcha OM