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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD overheard half sisters talking about her.

36 replies

Julie3008 · 30/07/2018 02:20

Hi, my 13yo DD has overheard her two older half sisters (25 and 21yo) talking about her. They are my husband’s daughters from his first marriage. They were calling her a brat and criticising her music and clothing choices (she’s into Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance etc so there’s a lot of black!). She’s hurt/upset because she thought they all got on well together and were close. I would not have guessed that they thought about her like that as they seem to be ok with her when we’re all together. Two faced? We’re currently on our first big holiday away together, 2 days into a 10 day trip, and it’s put a whole new light on everything. Not sure how to approach it or what to do. DD doesn’t want me to say anything as they’ll know it came from her. Please help!!

OP posts:
Perfectly1mperfect · 30/07/2018 02:40

They need to grow up....21 and 25 and talking nastily between themselves about a 13 year old....how vile.

Could you not pretend that you overheard them, not your daughter, then you can confront them without saying it was your daughter ? If you can do this, I would absolutely wipe the floor with them.

I hope your daughter is okay, that must have been horrible for her to overhear.

DarkDarkNight · 30/07/2018 02:49

God that’s harsh of them Sad I wonder if they remember what it’s like to be 13?

How is your relationship? Were you of the opinion you all get on? I think I would have to say something, even if only to make them be a little more discrete in future. I would in a non-accusatory way mention what your daughter heard and how hurt she is. Hopefully it will shame them into being a bit more careful with the feelings of their half sister.

Zommum · 30/07/2018 02:55

I agree, pretend you heard them. I would have a go and belittle them for some of their choices. I would also send them to bed at 8 and say if you are going to behave like little kids you will be treated like little kids.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 30/07/2018 02:57

If they’re her half sisters, not step sisters, there must be a huge back story if this is the first holiday you’ve taken together in 13 years, without that it’s impossible to advise what you should do or say.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/07/2018 03:07

Punishing and belittling 20+ year olds? Just no.

Have a chat with them though. People say things away from people that they wouldn't say in front of them. That's human nature. I was a black-wearing, miserable-music-listening kid and I didn't expect anyone to like it.

The stuff about her personality and behaviour though. That's meaner and needs dealt with.

PolkaHots · 30/07/2018 03:09

I can’t believe that people are telling you to lie to them! I would be very wary of this because if they have a different take on the conversation you won’t know if that’s a reasonable interpretation.

I would just have a quiet word and ask them to be a bit more discrete. Hopefully they will be mortified and will sincerely apologise.

Horrible thing to happen though.

RoboJesus · 30/07/2018 03:24

That's just typical sister stuff. They've been around her all her life, since they were 8 and 12. Im sure the half doesn't come into it. They didn't even know she could hear. Just tell them to cut it out and be nicer to their sister. But aswell they are entitled to their own opinion. If she's going through her teenage phase already, I get it.

SofiaAmes · 30/07/2018 03:35

That's just typical sister stuff. WRONG. That's not typical sister stuff and certainly not appropriate from anyone aged 21 and 25. How awful for your dd. Please do talk to them and protect your dd from them if it continues. 13 is a teenager and it's a very very difficult age to manage.

I experienced the opposite, so I know how nice it can be. My ex's dd's from his first two relationships (age 25 and 27) have been beyond amazing with my 15 year old dd and worked really hard at helping her through her teenage years even though they live 6000 miles away and their dad is being a total s**t to all of them. They both suffered terribly through his breakups with their mums and could easily have taken out on dd, but have done the complete opposite.

fortyandfrumpy · 30/07/2018 04:14

I wouldn't lie to them. I'd be upfront and say hey dd overhead you talking about her and she's really hurt. And then work it through with them on how to solve it.

Shortstuff08 · 30/07/2018 04:41

Don't start lying. How is that behaviour ever better.

Do you know what, ever moans about people. Everyone finds their siblings annoying and lots of people would sit with another sibling and moan to them or about them.

It's slightly off because they are older than her. But she won't have heard the whole conversation or understand the context.

We have all done this and wouldn't want the person to hear it.

If you are a family, sort it out properly. They will probably be mortified.

thebewilderness · 30/07/2018 05:22

There is no need to say anything to them unless you intend to force them to apologize.
You and your daughter know more about them now than you did before. That is no bad thing.

Cupoteap · 30/07/2018 06:27

There not just sisters, these are adults. Tbh they sound like jealous brats.

AlonsoTigerHeart · 30/07/2018 06:34

I would have a go and belittle them for some of their choices. I would also send them to bed at 8

Like fuck would you😂😂😂😂

Awrite · 30/07/2018 06:38

I'm sure my sister has said worse about me.

Hurtful but not unforgivable.

BertrandRussell · 30/07/2018 06:42

I suppose it depends on what was said and how. I have two much older brothers who are close in age, and I am sure I was a pain in the neck to them sometimes, and I would be amazed if they never had a moan to each other about me. It is entirely possible that 13 had been a bit of a brat about something, and they are allowed not to like her music! So it could have been typical sibling stuff. Can you find an opportunity to ask them about it privately, in a low key -13 heard you saying X and she's a bit upset-what's going on?- kind of way?

Wallywobbles · 30/07/2018 07:38

Sadly it's the kind of thing that if not addressed directly it will damage their relationship forever.

BertrandRussell · 30/07/2018 07:50

Have you never had a moan about a sibling?

Sophieelmer · 30/07/2018 08:02

Siblings can be dicks about each over sometimes! I imagine it’s quite difficult as a grown up sibling watching a younger one behave badly and not be called on it by parents or even be indulged. Was your dd being a brat? Don’t make a drama of it with your dd, sometimes you annoy people and they need to vent doesn’t mean they don’t love their little sister. They should be told very neutrally that she heard so they can handle it, I’d be amazed if they aren’t embarrassed and don’t fee an apology is due without a lecture.

Clairetree1 · 30/07/2018 08:05

why would 25 year old be close to a 13 year old?

your DD sounds deluded, and it sounds as if you have encouraged her to be.

SmileSweetly · 30/07/2018 08:07

You need to tell them they've hurt their little sister's feelings, how immature and nasty for adults to gossip about a 13YO like that. This needs to be tackled head on.

lastnamefirstfirstnamelast · 30/07/2018 08:12

your DD sounds deluded, and it sounds as if you have encouraged her to be.

Ignore that troll comment, no need to call a 13 year old girl deluded. your just as vile as the step daughters.

BertrandRussell · 30/07/2018 08:17

"You need to tell them they've hurt their little sister's feelings, how immature and nasty for adults to gossip about a 13YO like that. This needs to be tackled head on"

Have you never had a moan about your siblings?

Veterinari · 30/07/2018 08:17

Get your DH to speak to them. They prob don’t realise that she’s upset. Yes they’ve been thoughtless but rolling their eyes at her music taste/goth dress sense is hardly the crime of the centuary. Teenagers are hard work and the Emo look is fairly dramatic. I guess your daughter needs to recognise that if she chooses to stand out, people are likely to comment on her choices and she needs to learn to be ok with that, not feed the drama.

FrancisCrawford · 30/07/2018 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lindy2 · 30/07/2018 08:29

Just let them know that your DD heard them and is a bit upset.
They are in their 20s so should be able to work out how to sort it out themselves in an adult manner.
If they normally get on ok hopefully they will apologise and remember to be a bit kinder in the future.

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