DD overheard half sisters talking about her.

[Julie3008]

Hi, my 13yo DD has overheard her two older half sisters (25 and 21yo) talking about her. They are my husband’s daughters from his first marriage. They were calling her a brat and criticising her music and clothing choices (she’s into Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance etc so there’s a lot of black!). She’s hurt/upset because she thought they all got on well together and were close. I would not have guessed that they thought about her like that as they seem to be ok with her when we’re all together. Two faced? We’re currently on our first big holiday away together, 2 days into a 10 day trip, and it’s put a whole new light on everything. Not sure how to approach it or what to do. DD doesn’t want me to say anything as they’ll know it came from her. Please help!!

That is not typical sister stuff at all, not at the ages of 21 and 25. That's disgusting to be bitching about their little sister in such a way. I'm 29 and have you get sisters at 14 and 11, and if my 21 yr old sister started saying anything horrible about them (though she wouldn't) then I'd actually be fuming with her.
Yes as sisters we all get on each other's nerves sometimes, but not to a point that grown adults are slagging off the young teenagers personality in general and also her interests etc.
What has your husband said? I mean he's the father to all of them so surely he's not happy that 2 of his daughters would speak like this of his youngest?

my girls are full sisters and are 23, 21 and 10. the older girls were typical arguing siblings. they would never criticise the 10 year old in her hearing or speak badly of her. she would be devastated.
the complicated factor here is that they didnt realise she could hear.
ifi asked my dds they would tell me that dd3 is spoilt. i disagree and think they have had a similar lifestyle.
in your situation, assuming you all get on normally i would tell them that dd has overheard their comments and is upset. over to them.

This is typical sister stuff in my experience. Sorry if I missed it but how did she over hear them - was she listening at their door?

I don't think this is typical sister stuff when they are so much older than the one they are talking about.

My school friend had 2 sisters and a brother in their twenties when she was a teenager. They were really protective of her, and really nice to us as her friends. I suppose she looked up to them and they were more like 'cool parents'. 😂

This is the sort of thing that you get if there's a couple of years age gap between siblings maybe when they are 13 and 15.

I don't think its okay for them to be criticising her clothing and music choices (shes 13!) but in terms of her being a brat, it is actually okay for them to sound off to each other about it, especially on a holiday - that part of it is just sister stuff.
I don't think theres any need to over dramatise it, and its naive to say you would not have guessed they thought that about her. I'm sure they are close and they do love her but shes 13 and likely is very annoying to them at times

What is with some of the posters on this thread?!

Send two adults to bed at 8pm and expect compliance?

Call a teenager deluded for daring to believe her own sisters like her? WTFery!

As they are two grown women you have to relate to them as grown women and remind them of their own teen hormones, angsts, phases and struggles.

They are probably a bit amused by her Emo phase but would be embarrassed if any decency to think she'd heard them and felt mocked

Conversation should start with "you know DD looks up to you both and feeling like she's close to you is important to her and your opinion of her is important to her, therefore..."

This can be drama free if tackled correctly

Your husband should be tackling this with them as their dad. Or both of you have a chat with them.

I would thank them for being so inclusive with their sister, and say how much it means to all of you. And then mention that you understand younger siblings can be a bit irritating with their lack of maturity and odd music tastes, but how lovely that they are mature and able to get beyond that.

Maybe???

My half sister is 12 years older than me. We are close, always have been but that doesn't mean she liked my musical taste, or admired my dress sense and I probably was a brat sometimes and she would have known about it. She probably complained about it behind my back sometimes too - luckily I never overheard.

I dont think they've done anything wrong particularly, but its a pity she overheard. I think you or your dh should let them know. Either they've got a real problem w her and if so, you need to talk about that. Or they were just venting in which case they need to apologise to her and make friends again.

MrStark has given the most sensible response on here - I would follow that advice

Do you get on well with them? Just have a word, if you do, telling them she;s upset, she overheard them, heard the word brat and that they didn't like her music. Remind them how important image is at that age and ask them to be kind to her - maybe say sorry, so she knows they're not being two-faced, but also tell them you understand that younger siblings can be annoying sometimes and you're sure they didn't mean anything cruel. Unless you know them to be manipulative, don't escalate anything. Assuem the best from them.