DD, 13yrs, just found a load of....

[youvegottobekidding]

Her packed lunches in her bedroom 🤢

It's not the first time, however this haul was huge. Ive've found the odd wrap before & questioned her about it & she's answered that she simply wasn't hungry. But this time she had hidden it in an old telescope bag under her bed, I thought I could could smell something, so pulled everything out & thought it was heavy & when I opened it up, all her fruit was in there (oranges, plums, apples & about 5 wraps & 3 sandwiches. I also found various chocolate biscuits wrappers stashed here & there.

At mealtimes she eats like a horse, she comes home from school, saying she's ate her lunch 😳 and can she have a snack, she's hungry, well she fucking would be wouldn't she as she clearly hasn't been eaten her lunch.

Last time I found her lunch, I caught it in her bag this time still in her box, I asked her what was going on & she tried to fob me off, I asked her off she didn't like her packed lunches what would she prefer to have in them, so I did what she suggested & she still hiding them, not eating them.

She only has her bus money so she cant be buying anything at school. She's obviously still eating at home like I said she eats when she's around us & appears to have a good appetite.

I've got rid of the old telescope & its bag and moved any other bags, so she won't be able to stash anything anymore. I'm not going to fly off the handle. I might just wait & see if she says something first. I'm just really disappointed, all that wasted food & there are people desperately hungry, that makes me more angry. has anyone else had experience of this?

She’s may have an eating disorder. You say that she eats fine around family but people with eating disorders are very good at hiding things. Have you noticed any weight loss or different clothes?

If she's eating well when she's with you I'm guessing there's some kind of peer pressure going on at school. Someone may have been mocking her size, whether she's overweight or not? It sounds to me like she just doesn't want to eat in front of her peers.

I'd have a gentle conversation with her asking whether it's the food she doesn't like or eating at school. If it's the latter then you need to find out why. If it's that much of an issue then the school day isn't that long, as long as she has a decent breakfast then she can eat when she gets in until you get to the bottom of the issue which is making her hide her food.

Good luck!

What kind of thingsdoes she eat at breakfast and dinner OP and do you sit together and eat at the same time?

Maybe the lunch hall isn't a pleasant place to be for her? Do her friends leave school for lunch and she doesn't want to sit alone?
Does she go off to the loo after meals?

I thought eating disorder but you say she eats normal amounts at home.

Could be peer pressure - ,we don't eat lunch, it'll make you fat!! But why dispose of them in school or the walk home??

I'd def tread with caution but think you have to address it, she might think of she keeps quiet and you keep quiet there's some informal approval

2 of mine don’t take lunch to school. They eat before and afterwards. I used to be forced to take lunch so I used to bin it. I don’t like the waste. If they want to take something they can - I always have cereal bars if they want to take a couple with them.

So I suppose I am saying that I would stop providing her with lunch unless she specifically asks for it.

How old is she? Around 12/13 a good friend of mine developed anorexia and would calculate my calories eaten and burnt alongside her own. I also ended up losing a lot of weight despite eating normally at home because of the pressure and shame of eating around her.

I imagine her friends/peers probably don't have packed lunches and she is maybe being teased/bullied about this? Broach it with her and maybe start letting her have lunch at school with whatever system they have in place?

If not an eating issue it could be a bullying issue that means she is wanting to avoid the lunch hall

Pret that’s awful. I worked with a woman like that for many years, she used to announce to the office what I was eating and how many calories I’d eaten that day. As an adult though it’s easier to smile and say things like “yes, and I’ve loved every bloody one of them”.

I never ate lunch at secondary school because I couldn't stand the noise and overcrowding in the lunch hall and eating elsewhere wasn't allowed. It might be something like that, if it isn't one of the possibilities other posters have already mentioned.

I think taking a packed lunch to secondary school is seen as being a bit babyish and 'uncool' 🙄 I used to him mine. My DC never wanted a packed lunch after primary school, I gave them £3 a day to buy lunch from the canteen. I'm sure they never bought anything particularly healthy, but my view was at least they ate something and I wasn't wasting food by making packed lunches they wouldn't eat.

My two cannot bear the noise in the lunch hall either. When they had hot lunches they used to cry with the stress sometimes.

I have never found any packed lunch food particularly appetising. Fresh cut sandwiches, brilliant. Carry it around, no 'fridge to keep it cool, nothing is very appetising after three or four hours. Endless rows between my mother and I, but even now, i avoid packed lunches like the plague.

Do you know any of her friends mums? Could you ask them what their Dd does for lunch. It may be that they all are far too cool got packed lunch and that’s the reason. No ideal but maybe sending her with bought snacks, not the healthiest things but you can get nut and cereal protein bars which are quite filling. Is she drinking much?

It also might be worth speaking to school, if this is the culture within school they need to be addressing in en mass.

I would talk openly about it, not leave it for her to raise. You're the adult. Don't be angry about it, you need to suss out if there's a problem she needs help with.
There's a possibility of an eating disorder or at least disordered eating - I used to binge at meals then vomit afterwards for about five years as a teenager, my family never knew. It was more a kind of self-harm than bulimia, I never got thin as I'd eat in other contexts. It was particular kinds of food and settings that made it happen. Would have been much, much better if I'd have been able to talk to someone about it - I only sorted it out when I was about 25.
So yeah. I'd talk about it rather than keep up an angry silence!

I used to do this as a teen and sadly it was part of an eating disorder for me so definitely something to keep an eye on

I know you say she's eating a lot at home but she could be bulimic. Are you aware of what she does after eating?

I think you need have a chat with her. Don't focus on the food being wasted. It's done. Arguing or shouting about it won't bring it back. It's time to find out if there's a practical reason she's not eating her packed lunch as PPs have suggested or if she has an eating disorder.

If she eats normally at home could it be that she's embarrassed by the wraps and and the plums?
It sounds silly but teens are often desperate to fit in.

I did this when I was exactly the same age. I wanted school meals and my parents gave me packed lunches. I wanted school meals (or money so I could go to the local shop with my friends and buy chips etc) to fit in with my friends. At that time I was the only one with a packed lunch and I didn't fit in.

It could be for any number of reasons but not always an eating disorder - ask her.

My DD also 13 hates any fuss around taking food to school. She won't have sandwiches as thats not cool. She only takes food that will fit unobtrusively in her bag so no lunch boxes and it has to be foods that aren't smelly.
There's a lot of peer pressure at that age.
Also she says that the queue in the lunch hall makes buying food at lunchtime too difficult although she occasionally gets a drink (I can look online at what she buys and get an alert when more money goes on her account.
I'm just hoping she grows out of it.
I'd keep an eye on her and have a chat.

I had Bullrexia as a teenager. Its called Bullrexia because you both starve yourself but also binge eat and vomit. For me the red flag is that she is hoarding the food - might be a psychological reason why otherwise she would just dump it in a bin. Most importantly - please don't get mad at her for the waste. She's already likely to be feeling some guilt and you don't want to pile more on top of her. I can I recommend that you google how to talk to a child about eating disorders - if the conversation all goes pear shaped then sadly things could get worse. Eating disorders can be life-threatening so they are really tricky to deal with from both parents and the child's perspectives.

Dd(almost 15) never eats lunch at school but eats like a horse at home. She said it gets so hot and busy in the canteen with the pushing and shoving that she prefers not to go, so she eats when she gets home.

Her lunchtime at school is 1-2 so she’s only eating an hour -ish later than she would anyway.

Is she Year 8? Because in Year 8 and 9 the boys and girls at ds1's school are very very aware of height, weight, body shape, what others are eating, playing sports, going to the gym.

So, my first thought was not eating disorder at all, but sadly just the way it is for girls and boys this age.