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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DD, 13yrs, just found a load of....

40 replies

youvegottobekidding · 29/06/2018 10:04

Her packed lunches in her bedroom 🤢

It's not the first time, however this haul was huge. Ive've found the odd wrap before & questioned her about it & she's answered that she simply wasn't hungry. But this time she had hidden it in an old telescope bag under her bed, I thought I could could smell something, so pulled everything out & thought it was heavy & when I opened it up, all her fruit was in there (oranges, plums, apples & about 5 wraps & 3 sandwiches. I also found various chocolate biscuits wrappers stashed here & there.

At mealtimes she eats like a horse, she comes home from school, saying she's ate her lunch 😳 and can she have a snack, she's hungry, well she fucking would be wouldn't she as she clearly hasn't been eaten her lunch.

Last time I found her lunch, I caught it in her bag this time still in her box, I asked her what was going on & she tried to fob me off, I asked her off she didn't like her packed lunches what would she prefer to have in them, so I did what she suggested & she still hiding them, not eating them.

She only has her bus money so she cant be buying anything at school. She's obviously still eating at home like I said she eats when she's around us & appears to have a good appetite.

I've got rid of the old telescope & its bag and moved any other bags, so she won't be able to stash anything anymore. I'm not going to fly off the handle. I might just wait & see if she says something first. I'm just really disappointed, all that wasted food & there are people desperately hungry, that makes me more angry. has anyone else had experience of this?

OP posts:
youvegottobekidding · 29/06/2018 11:21

Thank you all for your replies.

Yes, we all eat together at meal times & she's always had such a good appetite & attitude towards her food. She'll eat anything & everything really, she's not fussy. She's not overweight by any means, but she's not as 'thin' as some of her friends, she does complain she thinks she has 'fat' legs, she has a lovely figure, she's gorgeous & i do tell her that.

As far as I know there isn't any bullying as such, she did have a bit of silly stuff going on with a couple of girls but it's done & dusted. She probably would prefer to buy something for lunch but it's not feesible giving her money everyday for food, however it's not something we'll rule out entirely.

I'll have a quiet word with her. She doesn't go to the bathroom after eating. I'd rather her bring her food home & tell me she's not eaten it & if she really doesn't like it I can just not make it anymore & see what she'd rather take instead. She does have breakfast, sometimes toast or cereal or sometimes just an apple. I too find it strange that if she doesn't want to eat it & doesn't want me to know, why bring it home to hide in her room when eventually I'll find it, than throw it away at school?

They aren't allowed out if school grounds at lunchtime so it can't be that. I'm pretty sure some of her friends take a packed lunch so I'll find out what they take as well, maybe they do the same I don't know.

Sorry for any typos, I've got my contacts in & off to work soon!!

OP posts:
fannyanddick · 29/06/2018 11:25

I used to stash sandwich in my desk at secondary. No idea why. I think I just didn't get round to eating them! Wish I had that issue now haha

HeartCurrent · 29/06/2018 11:26

Hiding food is a major red flag for me especially in a 13 yr old. Sounds like the beginnings of what could be an issue with food. Talk to her. Thanks

Namechange128 · 29/06/2018 11:41

Agree that if she eats at other meals there's quite possibly something going on. My sister developed anorexia at the same age, after being picked on for her weight and it started with skipping meals (although of course it's also quite possible that she just forgets lunch and is too disorganised to deal with it). It is great you haven't flown off the handle, I'd approach it from the hygiene angle - that you'll end up with mould and mice, and maybe the time/cost angle of spending money and time on unnecessary prep - rather than guilt about people going hungry, which would just make it harder for her to talk openly if there is an issue.

Has all else seemed well with her at school? Is her weight and physical development stage unusually high or low for her age?

I'd be hesitatant to chat to any other mums as there's such a high chance that they might ask questions to their own daughters (even if they're not trying to gossip) and might get back to your DD.

deplorabelle · 29/06/2018 11:51

Is she possibly hiding the food before she leaves in the morning? If it's uncool to have a lunchbox maybe she doesn't want to risk being seen with it so it never leaves the house? That might explain why it's hidden rather than binned.

LarryFreakinStylinson · 29/06/2018 12:02

We had exactly the same issue with DD. Same age. Year 8. Was worried she wasn’t eating, imagined all sorts. She was evasive.

Then the bill from the council came because the little bugger had been pretending she hadn’t been given any lunch and so the school had been providing her with school dinners for the best part of a term.

Went from worried to instantly pissed off. Top and bottom of it was, packed lunches weren’t cool and she wanted dinners. But rather than discussing it with us thought she’d just toss her lunch (or hide it) and get ‘free’ lunches from school. Except they obviously weren’t free 🙄🙄 which I would have pointed out had I been aware.

youvegottobekidding · 29/06/2018 14:04

If I'm honest, she's probably put a tiny bit of weight on the last few months (of course I'd never tell her that) we went away not too long ago, full board & we all ate together at the same times & we were together 98% of the time & she ate loads, she probably eats more than me! Like I said though, we make sure it's balanced so yes she can have puddings etc (she's got a sweet tooth like me) as long as she eats fruit & veg too, which she does, well at home anyway.

She definitely leaves the house with her lunch as we make it on the morning & put it in her bag downstairs & she takes it out the door with her. I'm going to log into her account & see if it shows anything on there, which will be surprising because dheMs not had the cash to put any money on it.

OP posts:
BackInTime · 29/06/2018 14:57

Is it possible OP that your DD just doesn’t want a packed lunch and is worried about telling you this?

My DD refuses to take a packed lunch as apparently sandwiches that have been sitting in her bag all day are just gross, they smell and no one else has a lunch box. I have tried lots of alternatives but these all ended up in the bin too so she now has things like an apple, cereal bar and crisps and something from the canteen 2 days a week.

vjg13 · 02/07/2018 14:24

My daughter is 15 and it seems to have become a real issue with her to eat any lunch at school. She has the school food but spends very little each day. I really encourage her with breakfast and a post school snack as I had been worried about weight loss a few months ago.

Exploring · 02/07/2018 14:43

I've started putting the packed lunch stuff box on the kitchen side along with a roll or something and saying take what you'll eat today. I'm observant enough to work out what gets taken, but the rest usually gets eaten for after school snack.

lifechangesforever · 02/07/2018 14:49

I think it's probably that she doesn't want to eat a packed lunch at school - it's been 15 years since I was there but it wasn't considered the 'thing' to do then either. Like you say though, she needs to tell you that instead of food going to waste and rotting - bless her.

I used to eat a plate of beans with a small tub of cheese on top from the school canteen, looking back now - a packed lunch would surely have been more exciting!

LemonysSnicket · 02/07/2018 17:55

I threw my lunch away every day for 5 years st school - I wasn't anorexic or anything, there just was too much going on at lunch with my friends and there was nowhere decent to sit. My mum went psycho if she thought I hadn't eaten it so I always threw it.

LemonysSnicket · 02/07/2018 18:01

Mainly it was because we were only allowed to eat in the hall and it was rammed so by the time you got in and out most of your lunchtime was wasted

Hamsterstolemyoreo · 03/07/2018 17:42

I didn't ( and still don't) like eating in front of people..this comes from a teacher being a bitch to me in the 80s but that's another story...it may be a case of this..it is not unknown to have anxieties about eating in front of people..like when you cant pee in a public loo when you know someone is listening kind of thing.

ratbaggy · 03/07/2018 17:47

I did this as a child. My mums packed lunches were gross. Soggy sandwiches that would taste of banana or whatever fruit was added to my lunchbox.

I used to come home and throw them on top of my wardrobe.

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