Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD's boyfriend coming to join our evening meal tomorrow - etiquette tips please!

39 replies

Hassled · 22/05/2007 20:41

It's the first time I've met him - she's "in lurve" and has very timidly asked if we can meet him. She's 17. He's then staying the night (in DS1's currently empty bed, because I chickened out of saying he could sleep in her room). It's going to be hideous - much younger DS2 and 3 will be there (DS2 asked earlier "Do you think they've actually kissed?" ), she will be embarrassed and hissing at me every time I make what she considers to be a social blunder, I'll be embarrassed on her behalf - what should/shouldn't I do? What was the most mortifying thing your parents ever did/said in front of a new boyfriend?

OP posts:
Speccy · 22/05/2007 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 22/05/2007 20:55

Keep everything nice and relaxed. No twenty questions and all that. Just general chit chat over dinner.

Bribe DSs, if DD hasn't already!

And let them have some private time on their own before bedtime

Good luck. Bet your DD and boyfriend are far more nervous that you. I remember taking my boyfriend (now DH) home at that age - it was scary; even more scary going to his house!

LittleWonder · 22/05/2007 20:59

ooh, good luck - just recently asked similar question in RL and was told to bring out the baby photos

Just treat as you would any friend over. 'Tis v v scary though. good luck!

mumblechum · 22/05/2007 21:28

Wear a long leather coat and a monacle and train a strong light in his eyes over the dinner table.
That's what I'm planning when my ds starts bringing girls home.

mumeeee · 23/05/2007 12:59

Just be relaxed and do what you normally do. DD1 19 has often brings her boyfriend home and we just act normally.

Listmaker · 23/05/2007 13:05

My sdd is 15 and her bf is at our house all the time! We have 5 dds so the poor chap usually doesn't get a word in edgeways! I ask him things sometimes and apparently I am not scary to him so that's OK but generally I think he likes to keep in the background and we let him. Just keep things normal I'd say as if it was any friend.

Apparently their Mum is all false when he goes there and it winds them up!!

poppy34 · 23/05/2007 13:08

never mind what you say - would imagine that ds 2/3 will be lined up for comment of night.

Just act as normal as possible - and remember if you don't like him nothing is going to drive your dd into his arms faster than any obvious show of parental approval (years of watching my parents do this with the gems my sister brought home! also having to live this with ss's lovely girlfriend..)

word of warning -you are allowed to gag if they start mauling each other in front of you (mind you your dd soundsa bit too old/cool for that!)

Issy · 23/05/2007 13:24

Make sure that your DH does not do what my father did: saunter downstairs entirely naked the next morning to get the post and make a cup of coffee and then bump into nervous 18yo, very prudishly-raised boyfriend in kitchen getting a glass of water. My father was utterly unconcerned, the boyfriend (now DH) still breaks into a light sweat at the memory 25 years later.

OrmIrian · 23/05/2007 13:27

Ha! Issy.... my mum used to wander from the bedroom to the bathroom via the kitchen starkers!

Kathyis6incheshigh · 23/05/2007 13:30

My parents have a bad track record on this.

I remember my mum serving a pie with a very tough crust and handing the knife to the new bf to start. He stuck the knife in and half the piecrust went whizzing across the table and into his lap.

Then there was the time she served horsemeat.

And the time she insisted on discussing 'where would you like to be buried when you die?' and went on about how she wants to be buried in the back garden.

I have no memory whatsoever of what happened when she first met dh though.

Issy · 23/05/2007 13:39

I'd temporarily blanked my mother from my mind. The first time she met DH she ended up chasing him around the kitchen with a screw-driver because he had said something mildly impudent.

Absolute miracle that he ever returned.

There again, on my first visit to DH's home, his mother asked his older brother to ask me to leave their house as I was alone with DH in his bedroom (discussing politics as it happened) and she was concerned about what my mother and what the neighbours would think of this. Gah! I didn't return to his house for a year.

As a codicil, DH returned home after dropping me back home to find his mother in her dressing gown in tears at the kitchen table. 'This is the first girlfriend you or your brother have ever brought home and I have ruined everything' wept his mother. 'Yes. You have.' said DH and flounced off to bed in a characteristically thoughtful 18yo way!

I'm sure these stories are helping the OP - not.

ledodgy · 23/05/2007 13:43

Just relax and be yourself. She'll be alot more frightened than you. A friend of mine had her stepson's girlfriend round for dinner for the first time a few weeks ago my friend said "Hello i'm Claire" and the girlfriend shook her hand and said "Hello, i'm absolutely terrified." My friend adored her instantly after this.

indignatio · 23/05/2007 13:45

Remember, just because he is very polite and raves about your pumkin pie - DO NOT ever serve this again - He hates pumpkin pie and was just trying to ingratiatte himself

Oh no - I've just remembered, this is not your dd's bf, this is me. 18 years on I have just about managed to persuade mil not to make pumpkin pie for me

poppy34 · 23/05/2007 14:39

come to think of it why not lighten the atmosphere by intense questioning of him about his life, previous girlfriends etc and then end it with a comment like " well you've not had much luck "

I found that really broke the ice when my MIL did that

Kathyis6incheshigh · 23/05/2007 14:41

Oh god Poppy, that reminds me - another of my mum's specials was to slag off all my previous boyfriends.

madamez · 23/05/2007 14:45

If you're feeding him, check with your DD if he has any food allergies/intense vegan politics/other dietary issues. Oh, and if you are the vegan one, don't feel obliged to serve meat, while wincing, retching and weeping over it, but don't rant at him about being an evil flesh-eater either.

(Of course, if he's awful, flip these strategies around to drive him away: offer him rare steaks if he's an animal libber etc)
Good luck.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 23/05/2007 14:48

Include him in the getting stuff ready if you have DD and your other children help you.

Dont let the conversation turn into an inquisition/job interview

DONT DONT DONT bring up "funny" embarrassing stories about what your DD did when she was 2 or something.....

littlemissbossy · 23/05/2007 14:48

ok
act natural/cool, even if you don't feel it/aren't
wear something reasonably trendy without being MDAL
no embarrassing family photos
bribe other dcs to be quiet/good/go to bed early

poppy34 · 23/05/2007 15:00

kathy -my mother still does that in front of my dh.. The thing is she has a long memory and it gets longer after a couple of glasses of wine

Original poster
Hassled · 23/05/2007 17:08

Thank you all - the house is relatively tidy, the boys are primed to be polite, I'm NOT going to be naked, threaten him with a screwdriver or serve horse casserole. I do seem to have forgotten how to make polite conversation, but am confident it will all come back to me .

OP posts:
Tortington · 23/05/2007 17:11

god this was the best bit ds brought his gf home last year or maybe year before - can' remember - and we talked about sex throughout the whole meal.

best bit. the meal was laid out and she had cutlery in hand and i said to the kids " lets say grace"

she momentarily looked mortified put down her cutlery thinking she's made major blunder and in unison the five of us shouted "grace!"

and tucked in.

poor girl never stood a chance!

good luck xxxx

colditz · 23/05/2007 17:14

Don't (Oh God In Heaven don't) open the door and say "Hi John, come in!"

When his name is Peter. And he knows John was your daughter's previous.

Tortington · 23/05/2007 17:15

or do ...on purpose

Kathyis6incheshigh · 23/05/2007 17:16

glad you're not going to be naked. very important not to be naked.

Lilymaid · 23/05/2007 17:21

Don't say "She was a gorgeous baby. Would you like to see some of the pictures we took of her in the bath/lying on a rug when she was six month's old?"