DD's boyfriend coming to join our evening meal tomorrow - etiquette tips please!

[Hassled]

It's the first time I've met him - she's "in lurve" and has very timidly asked if we can meet him. She's 17. He's then staying the night (in DS1's currently empty bed, because I chickened out of saying he could sleep in her room). It's going to be hideous - much younger DS2 and 3 will be there (DS2 asked earlier "Do you think they've actually kissed?" ), she will be embarrassed and hissing at me every time I make what she considers to be a social blunder, I'll be embarrassed on her behalf - what should/shouldn't I do? What was the most mortifying thing your parents ever did/said in front of a new boyfriend?

yes yes you must. must must show baby pictures, especially those mekkid ones as a toddler - she will be MORTIFIED>

What not to do or say (unless you REALLY dislike him)

Don't ask:

Questions about his "intentions"
Questions about his "ambitions"
Questions about his family
Questions

Don't offer:

Opinions about your daughter
Opinions about him
Opinions about world events
Opinions

Don't make:
Jokes to lighten the mood
Jokes to show how cool you are
Jokes

Don't show:
Embarrassing photos of baby dd.
Embarrassing photos of teenage dd
Embarassing photos of your family
Any photos

In fact silence may be your best option.

Actually the best idea I can think of is to be yourselves, but just pretend (as much as possible) that your dd is a random nice young lady who you have invited to dinner with her boyfriend - that way you might be more unlikely to say anything that bothers her. The fact that she wants you to meet the boyfriend suggests she trusts you anyway, so that is a great start!

You can always chuck in some pics of you naked as well, why not.

Ask him about his career choices, obviously, and about how he feels about having a family. And get a little too jovial and slap him on the knee, shortening his name in a way that he doesn't usually do.

You could have a row with your partner as well, loudly and viciously, throwing in personal slights and mentions of sexual inadequacy too.

OR, if you really want to show that you think of your daughter as a proper grownup now, you could invite them along with you to your next swingers' party?

High pitched fake nervous laughter is one of my strengths, though - it's what I do best - (panic emoticon).

Oh I know, start talking about all the places round you that would make good wedding venues and how beautiful your dd would look in a big white frock.
That won't make him run a mile, honest.

Yes you could also ask him how much is currently in his bank account/savings, what his prospects are, does he have a wife or children already, etc Make him feel right at home.

Oh yes and when he walks in don't let your chin hit the floor - whatever he looks like?!

I am liking noodles' idea but why not ask him to bring his cv along too? I think my gem of a mil also asked about that as well at our first meeting.

she was under the impression that dh had recruited me for his own purposes (we met at work)

My friend's sister has a whole string of stories about embarrassed boyfriends. Her mother offered one, aged 17, condoms, saying "we've no more need for them".

And another boyfriend wandered into the bathroom to find his girlfriend in the bath, brother sitting on the loo, and her father brushing his teeth.

I just didn't take any boyfriends home, ever. Due to the absolute certainty of utter embarrassment and inappropriate behaviour by members of my family.

good luck to you. I don't have a clue what you're allowed to do as a parent these days. I think I would just try to never once look at dd because she's bound to be cringing whatever you do.

I think the most mortifying thing for me generally was the way our home looked with all the African artifacts - the masks, the carvings, the big wooden elephants. Over time I'd become blind to it but I remember a boyfriend commenting : your dp are really into elephants, aren't they?

My dad tended to endear himself to my boyfriends by pressing copious amounts of booze on them. Have you thought of that?