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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Saw a friend's DS 15 stealing yesterday...

32 replies

BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:07

We live in a small town with, on the whole, a close friendly community

This 15yr old is such a nice kid. He works for DH and me occasionally

I'd want to know if it was my DS

What would you do?

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 19/05/2007 12:07

Talk to the 15yo.

cornsilk · 19/05/2007 12:08

Depends. What did he steal and who from?

Original poster
BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:08

A box of creme eggs from our local co-op

OP posts:
noddyholder · 19/05/2007 12:08

This is a difficult one.I have seen a boy the same age and also a family friend drinking strong lager in the morning going to school.I agree with hunker maybe better to approach the boy first.

Original poster
BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:09

It's a difficult one

He lost his sister last year to SADS

OP posts:
cornsilk · 19/05/2007 12:10

Are they still selling creme eggs!
Maybe talk to him about it. He might have been doing it for a dare.

Original poster
BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:10

Noddy, also know he drinks and is smoking

Parents would be very hurt

OP posts:
DevilsAdvocado · 19/05/2007 12:11

Are you absolutely sure you saw him stealing them?

I remember when on a school trip once, I took my dads sunglasses out of my skirt pocket and the shop assistant accused me of stealing her stock. Only my dad had scratched his initials onto the leg of the glasses as my mums were the same, I would have been reported for stealing!

cornsilk · 19/05/2007 12:11

Maybe it's a cry for help. Could he have known he was being watched?

Blandmum · 19/05/2007 12:11

If it were my child, I would want to know.

Talk to the boy and tell the parent.

I'm sure he is a nice kid, but theft is theft. Better that they know and stop it now, than possibly have it escalate.

cornsilk · 19/05/2007 12:13

Yes, I would want to know. He could be in a lot of trouble if he is caught.

Original poster
BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:13

He and his pal were very nonchalant in their behaviour

didn't even pretend to pay for anything else

Then walked off around the corner sharing them and lauging

OP posts:
Original poster
BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:14

Talk to the boy first maybe? and see how that goes?

OP posts:
Chandra · 19/05/2007 12:15

Sorry Baba, as sad as that is, it is not an excuse.

I don't know if to speak to him or to the parents but silence is not an option IMO.

I know a child who was found sneaking a tiny toy out of a store when he was 12. He was so scared about being found out he never did it again. The 15 years old he was with aparently had done it several times... if it wasn't because the store decided to make all the fuss and call the police, they would have missed a good oportunity to realise about the implications and possible consequences of their acts. None of them has done it again. So in a nushell, better to stop the problem now than leave it to develop further.

cornsilk · 19/05/2007 12:16

I remember lots of my friends used to shoplift. I was never brave enough to. It is seen as bravado - he might be trying to impress his friends.

Original poster
BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:17

I agree Chandra

Not an excuse

I think he's on a slippery slope

Parents are fantastic people, they have been through so much after losing their DD

OP posts:
Chandra · 19/05/2007 12:18

Cornsilk, it is not that you weren't brave, it may only be that you knew that was not right, and where strong enough not to let peer presure go against your principles??

webcrone · 19/05/2007 12:18

Always best to take the direct approach - talk to the boy first and tell him that you are considering telling his parents.

Original poster
BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:19

Cornsilk, the 'crowd' he's got himself in with would no doubt be impressed with this behaviour

OP posts:
Chandra · 19/05/2007 12:19

were, even

cornsilk · 19/05/2007 12:19

One of my friends was caught (convent school -rebelling )I think the worst thing for her was facing her parents. If it was my child I would be devastated.

noddyholder · 19/05/2007 12:19

I am not sure what to do as they are a very social family and drinking is very much in their lives.Lots of big parties etc so I don't think alcohol is a problem but at 9am it might be?They have 4 kids and are pretty much the local perfect family iykwim and I wouldn't like to say anything to their mum as I often go to her for advice and I don't think she would accept teh other way round.Don't tell his parents yet give him a chance to sort it out

Original poster
BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:20

Gawd, I don't know the best way to go about speaking to him

Don't want to hack him off and spoil our friendship

Like I say he works for us and we all get on well

OP posts:
Chandra · 19/05/2007 12:22

Personally, I'm so afraid of rowdy teenagers actions that perhaps, in the interest of my own safety, I would speak to the parents and would ask them not to let him know I was the one who saw him.

But then I'm a chicken because I have had some bad experiences with local teenagers, and... unfortunately, my husband telling them off was enough to set them off.

noddyholder · 19/05/2007 12:24

I would be quite casual as he is not exactly criminal of the century with a box of creme eggs.Maybe say 'Look I don't know why you took those eggs from the shop but I will have to tell yuor parents if you do it again,I am assuming it was a one off so will let it go.Don't disappoint me'? A lot of kids flirt with petty stealing

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