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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Saw a friend's DS 15 stealing yesterday...

32 replies

BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:07

We live in a small town with, on the whole, a close friendly community

This 15yr old is such a nice kid. He works for DH and me occasionally

I'd want to know if it was my DS

What would you do?

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BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 13:01

Thanks RGP and I will keep you posted

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RGPargy · 19/05/2007 12:46

Good luck and do please let us know how you get on with him.

FWIW, i also think as you employ him sometimes, speaking with him first is the best approach.

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BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:31

Ok thank you guys for listening, I really appreciate your advice

I will speak to him

I think he'll be so embarrassed but if he's going to continue working for us on events I need to know I can trust him

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BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:28

Gawd if it had been my shop I'd have nabbed him there and then

I think I will have a go at reasoning with him first. Hopefully he'll respond well

I've known him since he was a tot

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webcrone · 19/05/2007 12:27

Keep it simple and direct - tell him what you saw and that as far as you're concerned it's not acceptable behaviour, that you are disappointed, and you know that his parents would be disappointed too.

As he works for you, and you already have a good relationship, you have some real leverage here.

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Chandra · 19/05/2007 12:25

Adding to Noddyhoder last post... if you are the owner of the shop, get him to pay for them!

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Chandra · 19/05/2007 12:24

Now that I have noticed that he works for you, I think that you are in a good position for a talk with him, after all, if you knew he was not honest you wouldn't have employed him, would you?

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noddyholder · 19/05/2007 12:24

I would be quite casual as he is not exactly criminal of the century with a box of creme eggs.Maybe say 'Look I don't know why you took those eggs from the shop but I will have to tell yuor parents if you do it again,I am assuming it was a one off so will let it go.Don't disappoint me'? A lot of kids flirt with petty stealing

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Chandra · 19/05/2007 12:22

Personally, I'm so afraid of rowdy teenagers actions that perhaps, in the interest of my own safety, I would speak to the parents and would ask them not to let him know I was the one who saw him.

But then I'm a chicken because I have had some bad experiences with local teenagers, and... unfortunately, my husband telling them off was enough to set them off.

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BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:20

Gawd, I don't know the best way to go about speaking to him

Don't want to hack him off and spoil our friendship

Like I say he works for us and we all get on well

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noddyholder · 19/05/2007 12:19

I am not sure what to do as they are a very social family and drinking is very much in their lives.Lots of big parties etc so I don't think alcohol is a problem but at 9am it might be?They have 4 kids and are pretty much the local perfect family iykwim and I wouldn't like to say anything to their mum as I often go to her for advice and I don't think she would accept teh other way round.Don't tell his parents yet give him a chance to sort it out

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cornsilk · 19/05/2007 12:19

One of my friends was caught (convent school -rebelling )I think the worst thing for her was facing her parents. If it was my child I would be devastated.

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Chandra · 19/05/2007 12:19

were, even

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BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:19

Cornsilk, the 'crowd' he's got himself in with would no doubt be impressed with this behaviour

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webcrone · 19/05/2007 12:18

Always best to take the direct approach - talk to the boy first and tell him that you are considering telling his parents.

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Chandra · 19/05/2007 12:18

Cornsilk, it is not that you weren't brave, it may only be that you knew that was not right, and where strong enough not to let peer presure go against your principles??

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BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:17

I agree Chandra

Not an excuse

I think he's on a slippery slope

Parents are fantastic people, they have been through so much after losing their DD

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cornsilk · 19/05/2007 12:16

I remember lots of my friends used to shoplift. I was never brave enough to. It is seen as bravado - he might be trying to impress his friends.

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Chandra · 19/05/2007 12:15

Sorry Baba, as sad as that is, it is not an excuse.

I don't know if to speak to him or to the parents but silence is not an option IMO.

I know a child who was found sneaking a tiny toy out of a store when he was 12. He was so scared about being found out he never did it again. The 15 years old he was with aparently had done it several times... if it wasn't because the store decided to make all the fuss and call the police, they would have missed a good oportunity to realise about the implications and possible consequences of their acts. None of them has done it again. So in a nushell, better to stop the problem now than leave it to develop further.

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BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:14

Talk to the boy first maybe? and see how that goes?

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BabaGanoush · 19/05/2007 12:13

He and his pal were very nonchalant in their behaviour

didn't even pretend to pay for anything else

Then walked off around the corner sharing them and lauging

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cornsilk · 19/05/2007 12:13

Yes, I would want to know. He could be in a lot of trouble if he is caught.

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Blandmum · 19/05/2007 12:11

If it were my child, I would want to know.

Talk to the boy and tell the parent.

I'm sure he is a nice kid, but theft is theft. Better that they know and stop it now, than possibly have it escalate.

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cornsilk · 19/05/2007 12:11

Maybe it's a cry for help. Could he have known he was being watched?

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DevilsAdvocado · 19/05/2007 12:11

Are you absolutely sure you saw him stealing them?

I remember when on a school trip once, I took my dads sunglasses out of my skirt pocket and the shop assistant accused me of stealing her stock. Only my dad had scratched his initials onto the leg of the glasses as my mums were the same, I would have been reported for stealing!