Need guidance with out of control teen

[Butterflybelly]

H e has split from his girlfriend and I'm to blame in his eyes. H e has kicked a door of its hinges, taken my phone, threatened the girlfriends dad, smashed up her phone. I vs suspended the phone accounts so mine might also be smashed now. I've locked him out to give him time to cook down and avoid the backlash. I'm frightened what he might do. He's very I mature, he struggles to manage and regulate his emotions generally and he is impulsive. His girlfriend told me he's using a lot of drugs. I suspected that anyway. His dad doesn't really want to acknowledge his existance. I'm on my own. No support. I don't know what to do for the best. Please help.

[Butterflybelly]

I’m back! Thanks for all of your input. I’m not phoning the police. That moment has gone. In my view he’s just 16 and despite his tall frame he’s just a child. It doesn’t matter if he’s old enough to join the army. That’s another topic for another time. I’m responsible for him. I’m worried about him. He is struggling emotionally. He doesn’t know how to deal with his very strong emotions. I think he’s self sabotaging. He has had a really difficult year. He’s making his own life difficult. Pushing everyone around him away. He’s tonight sobbed uncontrollably. He’s asked for help. Now he’s stormed out. I’m so worried for him. I do not know what to do next.

[ragged]

How does he pay for his drugs?

[Lilymossflower]

I would consider this more than just teenager going off the rails story.

He needs what summerinrome said

[Lilymossflower]

He sounds literally exactly the exact same as my ex. His mother and father also would say oh 'just strong emotions etc'
But that's not an excuse. Of course he is your child and you will have empathy for him and want to help him but he needs to realise this isn't ok behaviour, and accept the doctors help/medicine/therapy etc.

[Butterflybelly]

Really lily? In what way? Do you really think social services have time to intervene with a teenager who has occasional angry outbursts? What do you think social services will offer by way of support? Are people seriously suggesting I pack a 16 year old a bag mid gcse’s And tell him to find somewhere else to live because he’s struggling with life? I can’t do that. It seems like a very extreme response and I suspect it would not end well. A 16 year old struggling to cope. No one except his mother and she gives up on him too. No. I could not do that. Lily I suspect you are projecting but I could be wrong. What is it that makes you think this is more than a tennager going off the rails?

[Alditha]

I have a teenage son myself but he is only 14 and he's had difficulties over the last 18 months. No SEN to my knowledge but hanging out with the wrong crowd and smoking weed. Anyway apart from that I think you are fabulous. You understand your son and are being there for him. He sounds very troubled and depressed possibly. Using drugs is self medicating and masking his problems but they're still there and the drugs then cause problems too. Your said his dad is not interested and maybe that is also part of the problem. If he could get help and time to talk, maybe you could call youngminds for support also.
I'm absolutely no expert and having my own troubles but I think you are right and brave to keep going with him.

[Butterflybelly]

Thank you. That was nice to read. We’ve had a really long chat tonight. He’s told me he’s depressed and is full of self loathing. He told me hates himself and is self medicating. For the first time he’s accepted he needs help and agreed I make a gp appointment tomorrow. I’m praying he goes through with it.

[Oddcat]

Have a word with social services and ask about MST (multi systemic therapy)

I've been there so can sympathise, it's awful. Still going through it now and DD is 20

[Kidsdub]

Hi butterfly,
It’s great he connected with u to sob and let out some of them emotions , that’s great even if he did walk out it’s a start. He needs help with his emotions but first he needs to stop the drugs no point getting help if he using drugs .
I would suggest u both go to some counselling some family counselling.
We did and it helped me a lot and we had space to explore both sides .
I also strongly recommend if he smashing up the house or is violent to u call the police. Again we did that and that was the end of smashing up the house now he will bang doors etc but only if provoked he won’t damage the house . I made him pay for all he broke so it became expensive.
I walk away from arguments now.
U need support in this , some advice and direction, maybe try parent line if they have one were u are ?
Ur doing ur best so try not beat urself up either u will get there and things will improve in time and u like me will learn to handle him better he may not change for a while but u can learn better ways to deal with him . Big hugs x

[Butterflybelly]

Thank you all. I would love ya to have family therapy. I’ve looked in to MST but we don’t meet the criteria. I have in the past called the police three times. It’s made zero difference. He has to pay for what he damages. This time he’s damaged his phone. I hope this will mean he thinks twice about having outburst that result in damage. Just waiting to see gp now. He’s less emotional today and less keen to see gp but we are here. Let’s see.

[poobumwee]

hope the appointment went well!
great he opened up to you!