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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Masturbation

40 replies

tactum · 24/04/2018 22:54

Have become aware in recent weeks ds 14 has discovered this - obv v normal and all that. There have been a couple of near misses where I have knocked and then entered his bedroom in the afternoon and it has obv been awkward but nothing really said.

Should I just put up with this or have a convo where I just say its not particularly pleasant to do it as soon as you get in from school when your mum might come in and that's what bedtimes and showers are for??

I can't work out what to do for the best - I don't want him to think its dirty but I don't want to feel like im running the gauntlet every time I want to talk to him or stick some washing on!

What does everyone else do?

OP posts:
Eminado · 24/04/2018 22:58

Why are you going into his room so often? Genuine question.

I think you need to give him some space.

crazydoglady6867 · 24/04/2018 22:59

I wouldn’t say anything, a few times nearly getting caught “at it” and he will learn when and where he is safest. Leave him to it.xx

GeorgeTheHippo · 24/04/2018 23:00

Well now you know you are at the stage where you don't knock and enter any more. Knock and wait!

TeeBee · 24/04/2018 23:03

Just call up the stairs if you want to talk to him, problem solved. I'd rather them be doing that that roaming the streets and taking drugs. Let him crack on.

Original poster
tactum · 24/04/2018 23:04

Because very often he's in there with his headphones on and can't hear me if I call him for tea or something else, because I need to remind him about something, put some washing away etc. He's not a lodger with his own room, we all live in the house as a family! Jeez. I don't do all or most of hese things every day. But if I want to speak to my son I don't think I should need an appointment!!!

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 24/04/2018 23:06

He's at the age where he needs more privacy.

Let him come to you for chats rather than you going to his room. Get him to put his own laundry into the basket rather than you picking up after him.

If you do need to go in his room, you call upstairs to him first so he knows you're on the way, then you knock & wait.

Oh, and you don't say anything to him about it. At all. A big box of tissues in his room will be appreciated though Grin

Eminado · 24/04/2018 23:07

But if I want to speak to my son I don't think I should need an appointment!!!

But he needs his privacy...

Atticusss · 24/04/2018 23:08

You put your 14 year olds washing away Shock.

I definitely wouldn't talk to him about it. Stop walking into his room. Give him a lock.

starsandstuff · 24/04/2018 23:08

Don't say anything to him unless you want him to burst into flames. Agree you knock and wait the way you would probably do with an adult? There's nothing so urgent you need to enter his room immediately you decide you want to talk to him.

Justgivemesomepeace · 24/04/2018 23:08

Mine has ear phones in and never hears my call to dinner. I send a text message. If that isnt picked up and my shout isn't heard after a couple of goes, dinners in the microwave.

SkippedReception · 24/04/2018 23:12

Why is it less pleasant to have a wank when you get home from school than at any other time, OP? He isn't doing anyone any harm. I'd just let him get on (off) with it. I get that you don't need an appointment. But he's a teenager, and they need to be left alone to wank watch YouTube in the privacy of their bedrooms. I say this from the perspective of a mother with a teenage boy at boarding school. I wouldn't dream of barging into his room when he's here, other than with express permission.

VerbenaBorensis · 24/04/2018 23:14

Agree with Georgethehippo knock call out and wait. Don't mention it-how awful for both of you that would be! One point-whoever said it should be at a certain time? Its one of those situations you laugh at over a drink with yr friends (you I mean not him! )Smile

WindAndWuthering · 24/04/2018 23:14

Knock and don't enter until he has said you can come in! People need privacy. Tell him that you won't come in until he has said you can. And that it's fine to go into his room if he wants some privacy.

Oly5 · 24/04/2018 23:16

I’d also knock and wait or
Leave his clothes outside the door for him to put away.
Don’t say anything about him
Masturbating, he’d be mortified!

Original poster
tactum · 24/04/2018 23:18

OK msg received and understood! I'll knock n wait. But i m not cooking tea for my family and letting people come n microwave it when they fancy!!

OP posts:
SkippedReception · 24/04/2018 23:22

Tactum, you're right that knock and wait is the answer. I, too, refuse to microwave supper for people who cba to appear when it's ready. Do you have any other DC? I get my DC2 to tell DC1 when supper is ready so he can stop wanking appear at the table sans headphones.

SkippedReception · 24/04/2018 23:22

Should say that he tells her to piss off. Siblings are delightful. He normally appears for food, though.

Original poster
tactum · 24/04/2018 23:23

Ha ha I can imagine that scenario playing out here too!!!

OP posts:
SkippedReception · 24/04/2018 23:26

Ha ha. Piss off is the polite version. Sadly...

Octave777 · 24/04/2018 23:28

Why would you go in his room without him saying it's ok. What if he was changing or something as well.

If I was 14 and my dad kept barging in I'd have a right go but my parents respected my privacy. Don't mention it just leave it.

Time40 · 24/04/2018 23:28

God, don't talk to him. You'll embarrass the poor lad to death. Just wait for longer after you knock on his door. He deserves his privacy.

Original poster
tactum · 24/04/2018 23:29

Yep will do

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 24/04/2018 23:36

I'm normally someone who likes to talk about things, but for once, I also think it's best not to say anything. (I'm just imagining how that conversation could linger in his mind, torturing him... for the rest of his life!) I would definitely give him more privacy. Maybe you could grab him when he first gets in from school to tell him when dinner will be ready or whatever. You could even text him. Just don't walk into his room uninvited any more.

SkippedReception · 24/04/2018 23:39

Now thinking. DC2 now refuses me access to her bedroom on the grounds that she's "getting changed". Yeah, right. Everyone needs to Get Changed every 2.5 seconds, and takes an hour to do it. Confused

Voice0fReason · 24/04/2018 23:55

Kids are entitled to privacy. You shouldn't be trying to control their masturbation habits!
Knock and wait. If he doesn't hear you, knock louder.