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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Restrictions after passing driving test?

68 replies

WatchoutDSisdriving · 17/04/2018 20:12

DS is due to take his driving test soon and we are starting to think about him driving after his test.

He will be driving our small sensible family car which we don’t use that much so is fairly available for him to use. We are paying insurance etc. He will likely have enough money for a small car of his own in six months.

He wants to drive friends to a party the evening of his test (assuming he passes which he should ordinarily do). And then go on a mates day out two days later with a car full. We are not happy about this but he sees us as being really unreasonable.

i have sent him links explaining the chances of an accident for a new driver are vastly increased with friends in the car. But also saying we’re not doing what I know someone has done and refused all passengers for 8 weeks!

We think he needs to get some practice driving on his own before taking mates out and at night.

Did anyone put restrictions on their teen immediately after the test? What were they? Did it work?

Any ideas or thoughts very welcome, thanks. We are trying to get a sensible balance.

OP posts:
Ivebeenaroundtheblock · 17/04/2018 20:15

some countries have restrictions in place and the uk is proposing similar in the near future.
www.express.co.uk/life-style/cars/916847/Driving-test-licence-changes-2018-What-changing-why

maybe you can do a modification of the future plan?

Original poster
WatchoutDSisdriving · 17/04/2018 20:19

Thanks for the link. I knew some other countries had systems for new drivers in places but didn’t realise the Uk was considering it.

I think part of our problem was not saying anything before now, I guess as we’d not yet had to think about it so DS sees us as really unreasonable. I can partly see his point as it is out of the blue.

He hasn’t previously said he won’t use a P plate...

OP posts:
Original poster
WatchoutDSisdriving · 17/04/2018 20:20

Sorry he has previously said he won’t use a P plate.

OP posts:
LatIt · 17/04/2018 20:22

I don't think it's fair to place everything on what others people would do as a new driver.

I will be driving my baby DC around once I pass Smile

Original poster
WatchoutDSisdriving · 17/04/2018 20:25

Latlt you are presumably a grown up with a baby though, and somewhat less likely to be influenced by friends or wanting to impress anyone.

I think teenage boys are a different kettle of fish and I worry about him getting distracted with friends or wanting to impress.

OP posts:
useyourownteabag · 17/04/2018 20:26

I felt just like you op.

For the first year mine both had a black box so their driving could be monitored. I paid for the insurance but any increases due to hazardous driving would've been down to them. The black box also had a curfew from I think midnight to 5am.
I also said no more than 2 mates in the car at once.

Of course they all felt it was horribly mean and unfair but I stuck to my guns for 12 months until I felt they had more experience.

LatIt · 17/04/2018 20:28

OP, I think it depends on the type of friends your DS has. Not all teenagers are the same at all.

I didn't have friends who would encourage reckless driving or influence me to impress them. But on the other hand, if I had stayed with a different friendship group, they very well could've if I'd been driving at the time.

LynetteScavo · 17/04/2018 20:32

No way would I let him drive to a party the day he passes his test.

I don't let my 19yo drive my car...if he wants to drive a car he can pay for it himself. Meanwhile he has a bike and public transport.

He did ask to borrow my 7 seater to drive 200 miles on his own. We laughed and gave him a lift.

He beds do do some serious driving with me in my car before I'll let him have it on his own.

L1zz13 · 17/04/2018 20:34

Will his car insurance require to have a black box fitted?
If so can you apply a curfew for a cheaper premium?

Rentquery176 · 17/04/2018 20:37

I think driving with a baby or unruly toddler in the car can be seriously distracting! I reversed into someone when my ds was screaming his head off.

Original poster
WatchoutDSisdriving · 17/04/2018 20:42

He is generally a good driver to be fair which is why I say he should pass. As well as lessons I have taken him out a lot (I have done advanced driving) and he is a decent driver 98% of the time.

There is no way he is driving to the party on the day.

I really like the idea of a black box policy (although DH is not the best driver and he will be the other main user of that car 😬). We are half way through our insurance policy and will probably just have to add him to it. (He is currently on a stand alone learner policy). I don’t know if we can add a black box part way through though.

He is generally sensible and his friends are good kids but there is always the issue of image and appearances with teenagers.

I like the idea of not more than two friends, that is a good compromise. Whether he would stick to it when we wouldn’t know though is another question (I probably wouldn’t have at that age).

OP posts:
Undies1990 · 17/04/2018 20:43

My 17 year of DS passed his in January. Once they pass, you need to set up a new insurance policy as the moment they pass, the learner driver insurance becomes invalid.

It took me a week to shop around the insurance market to find the best deal (he's driving my car when I don't need it but my insurer wouldn't add him to my cover which was annoying!) so it might just be that you can't arrange the insurance for the first few days after he passes....

In any case, only you know your DS and how sensible he is. If you don't feel comfortable letting him drive straight away, especially to a party and then out for the day with his mates, tell him! It's your car, you're paying the insurance and you're the parent.

Let us know what you decide

Original poster
WatchoutDSisdriving · 17/04/2018 20:45

Just realised now I said that about DH’s driving I won’t be able to show him the thread 😳😂

OP posts:
Original poster
WatchoutDSisdriving · 17/04/2018 20:48

Thanks Undies I know I can add him to my insurance immediately though as I phoned up last week. I am ridiculously crap at telling untruths. In reality you can’t get detailed quotes until they actually pass and I will want to shop around.

Out of interest what happened when you cancelled your main policy part way through, did you get any of the premium refunded?

OP posts:
Puzzledmum · 17/04/2018 22:40

OP I would just put my foot down and refuse for both occasions. It is better for you to be safe than sorry! I have told my DD that once she passes (hopefully in June), she will be driving with me 3-6months before she is allowed to go on her own. This may be a bit ambitious but, so far, she has not been against it. Smile

Original poster
WatchoutDSisdriving · 17/04/2018 22:45

Thanks puzzled. You have been a lot more sensible in thinking about it in advance, I think that wasour big mistake and why expectations are so different.

We will be sticking to our guns but I do understand why DS feels a bit tricked now that we are suddenly taking about restrictions.

DH and I have discussed it (over the phone annoyingly as he is away for work) and decided no to both trips, a few weeks with no passengers and then a maximum of two passengers for an as yet unspecified time.

I will fully investigate insurance options when he has hopefully actually passed.

OP posts:
italiancortado · 17/04/2018 22:54

I don't let my 19yo drive my car...if he wants to drive a car he can pay for it himself. Meanwhile he has a bike and public transport.

He did ask to borrow my 7 seater to drive 200 miles on his own. We laughed and gave him a lift.

Surely not! Why would you not let your 19yo drive themselves?

LynetteScavo · 17/04/2018 23:23

Because I'm not paying the insurance. Or letting him lose on the family car I need to cart the other DC around in. Or because 3 hours is a long time driving (6 hours in one day) when you are very new to motorways.

No way. When he's paid us back the ££££ for the damage he did to the back of a car while on his bicycle I might change my mind.

I've been driving for 25 years and Id carefully consider whose car I was borrowing and where/how long etc I'd be driving it.

italiancortado · 17/04/2018 23:48

Oh. I had assumed he was insured in it when he asked to borrow it - how odd of him to think he could use it without being.

WatcherintheRye · 18/04/2018 00:03

Oh. I had assumed he was insured in it when he asked to borrow it - how odd of him to think he could use it without being.

Why odd? You can get additional drivers put on your insurance temporarily - at a huge cost, if the additional driver is 19 and wanting to drive a 7 seater!! I expect the poster's ds thought it would be no problem at all!

Ariela · 18/04/2018 00:06

I would get a dash camera and fit it now. Some insurers offer cheaper insurance if you have this.
He will know you have this - and that you could chose to view his driving, if you wished.

As to whether he should drive his friends only you will know how good a driver he is, we can't tell! What you will find is that while it is relatively cheap to add him to your insurance as a learner, once he's passed his test the cost will rocket.

billybigballs · 18/04/2018 00:14

I think only you know what kind of driver he is and whether you can trust him once he's passed his test, but legally he has just as much right to be on the road as the next driver. He's probably safer than some drivers who took their tests decades ago.

When I passed my test I then had to drive almost immediately with my new baby in the car.

BackforGood · 18/04/2018 00:15

We are half way through our insurance policy and will probably just have to add him to it.

No, you don't have to. You can cancel the policy and get refunded for the full months you've not used (minus an admin fee) and go with the best deal. There are MASSIVE differences between quotes - you can save a lot doing this even though you get charged the admin fee. I mean, it might be a good quote, but don't assume it will be.

Yes, I put restrictions in place, but not 'fixed rules'. Both my dc were driving what is essentially my car for the first year after passing, so they had to ask to borrow it when they wanted to anyway, so there was some measure of yes / no for every time they wanted to use it..... more in the first 3 months than once they got a bit of experience under their belt.
Knowing their friends does make a difference too.

Original poster
WatchoutDSisdriving · 18/04/2018 07:18

Ariela dashcam is a great idea. I actually bought one when he started learning but haven’t got round to fitting it Blush. I will get that done in the next couple of days.

We have always said he will need to ask to use the car but we have also said we will be generous of spirit and usually let him use it if we don’t need it. We largely said this to put him off buying a £300 death trap.

Will look around properly for insurance as have checked we will get a proportionate refund for remaining time.

Thanks all

OP posts:
PollardOrPolluck · 18/04/2018 17:15

Please don't put ridiculous restrictions on your son.

I am still within my first two years after having passed my test and think the proposal of a 'graduated driving license' is ridiculous.

The majority of me and my friends were the best drivers we knew after passing, much safer actually than our parents and grandparents who had been driving so long that they had too much confidence and had developed bad habits.

After i passed my test my parents got my a car and although it did have a black box on it (for insurance purposes) they made sure to find me insurance that didn't put any curfew or speed limit on me. The first night i had this car i drove me and my boyfriend to skating about a half hour drive away and was absolutely fine, much more cautious and self aware than anyone else on the roads that night. I am a very safe driver, both on my own and with a car full of friends at whatever time of day or night and the only time i have been pulled up for anything on my black box was speeding when my dad drove my car.

Your son sounds confident and sensible about driving, don't make him nervous with horror stories, he has been taught how to drive and if he passes will be qualified to drive on the road just like anyone who has been driving for 30 years, don't take that away from him because of your nerves.