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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Restrictions after passing driving test?

68 replies

WatchoutDSisdriving · 17/04/2018 20:12

DS is due to take his driving test soon and we are starting to think about him driving after his test.

He will be driving our small sensible family car which we don’t use that much so is fairly available for him to use. We are paying insurance etc. He will likely have enough money for a small car of his own in six months.

He wants to drive friends to a party the evening of his test (assuming he passes which he should ordinarily do). And then go on a mates day out two days later with a car full. We are not happy about this but he sees us as being really unreasonable.

i have sent him links explaining the chances of an accident for a new driver are vastly increased with friends in the car. But also saying we’re not doing what I know someone has done and refused all passengers for 8 weeks!

We think he needs to get some practice driving on his own before taking mates out and at night.

Did anyone put restrictions on their teen immediately after the test? What were they? Did it work?

Any ideas or thoughts very welcome, thanks. We are trying to get a sensible balance.

OP posts:

NorthernSpirit · 18/04/2018 17:38

OP you’re the parent, you set the boundaries and you decide. If you feel uncomfortable then the answer is no, or it’s with your restrictions.

@PollardorPolluck - so you think that you and your friends were the best drivers you knew after you graduated? I was much safer than..... a few driving lessons and it trumps many years of driving experience?

Rain Man also said he was an excellent driver!

Shockers · 18/04/2018 17:45

We have had a black box fitted and have told our DC that the curfew is 11pm. The reason for this is that we are rural and parties are widespread, down dark lanes. He had the idea that he could charge partygoers for lifts and undercut taxis. That’s not happening!

I wouldn’t have let him drive friends on the day he passed because the temptation to show off might have been to great, and I wasn’t prepared to take that risk.

Shockers · 18/04/2018 17:46

*too

Grassyass · 18/04/2018 18:16

I did on both of my DSs and I was the only parent of their peers who did. I stuck to it though.
No passengers for 3 months.
No taking lifts with other new drivers.
I fitted a dash cam, much more use than black box as you can go over footage where they have been unsure whether they did the right thing.

When they did start taking passengers it was only to and from college or other daytime trips.I wouldn't let them do it from a party - rowdy, excited/drunk passengers = distraction.

DS2 told me a hair raising story of a friend who passed his test and brought a car load home from a night out. The very drunk girl in the passenger seat (who is normally very nice and well behaved) was draping herself over him as he drove and poor lad was petrified.

safariboot · 18/04/2018 18:27

Point out that if he's not driving then he can have a drink to celebrate passing his test .

I agree he should get some practice driving himself first. Passengers can be distracting. I'm convinced I'm a worse driver when my DM's next to me than when I'm on my own.

Iwanttoseethesea · 18/04/2018 18:29

DS18 passed his test about 6 weeks ago. My insurance wouldn't cover him so we cancelled that and went through the RAC black box one.

I like it a lot because the app shows you exactly where your car is , and you can see the journeys they are taking almost in real time. It gives you a driver score that dependant on acceleration, speeding, braking etc. When one side dips I can tell him what he needs to do to improve it.

I think it's great. DS considers it "stalking". Tough

Isadora666 · 18/04/2018 19:27

I was driving my kids about and a 60 mile round commute to work within a couple of weeks of passing my test. I did have motorway lessons before going on the motorway.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/04/2018 19:31

Ds3 has just passed his driving test. I suggested DH go out with him twice just to get his confidence up. Which he did. Now he’s good to go. No restrictions whatsoever. He’s passed his test. We have a family run around he can use when he wants.

WaxOnFeckOff · 18/04/2018 23:22

I know it's expensive, but it sounds like it would actually be better for him to fail his test and it would clip his wings a little.

My 17 year old passed his test two weeks ago. We've bought an extra car for him and his brother to share but DS2 isn't 17 until the summer so he'll have exclusive use for a good while.

However, DS1 is very quiet and sensible and his friends are the same. He's driven himself to an from school yesterday and today and he drove DS2 back from the showroom on Monday. Today he dropped his friend down the road from school on his way home. he hasn't driven at night yet and hasn't been on the Motorway yet either. DH is taking him out for some motorway training at the weekend. We've given him the option of P plates for around town but said he must use them when he starts going on the motorway or for longer drives.

he is generally very compliant. he hasn't asked to go out at night or anything in it yet.

He was also a very quick learner, but he failed first time and I think that was a good thing although the cost of a resit is an added expense.

There is no way we would allow driving to a party at night with other teens on the day of passing though.

WaxOnFeckOff · 18/04/2018 23:25

Our view is that passing your test only confirms that you are now safe to learn unaccompanied. it doesn't mean that you are just the same as any other driver. A 17 year old new driver smashed his car into a lorry on a bend in the early morning local to us. He is dead and the lorry driver is still serious in hospital. That wont be my son.

SimplySteve · 19/04/2018 00:34

I do hope you will be insuring him as a main driver, OP, and not fronting which is an offence.

safariboot · 19/04/2018 00:57

If OP clearly drives the car more, they can be the main driver. If it's uncertain or about equal use, discuss it with the insurer.

WaxOnFeckOff · 19/04/2018 06:56

Also to add that the parents of the other teens may also restrict them going in the car with your son. There is no way I would allow mine to travel a long distance or to a night party with someone who has just passed his test no matter how sensible i thought they might be. A new driver doesn't need that pressure.

TeenTimesTwo · 19/04/2018 09:28

I think that if the parents own the car and are paying for the insurance they are perfectly within their rights to place restrictions on a new driver for a few months.

Other passengers can be distracting and there can be the temptation to show off.

I do think that restrictions should be talked about in advance and not landed unexpectedly on the day of passing.

Our DD1 was a special case due to dyspraxia, but in general I see nothing wrong with building up

drive on own
1 passenger only
multiple passengers in day time only
free range

starfleet · 19/04/2018 14:31

DS passed his test earlier this year.

He has his own car - we found a company that specialised in insurance for younger drivers (17-25 year olds). He did have to have a black box fitted but one that comes with no timing restrictions. I get an email once a week from them showing how he is driving.

He drives himself to school and work. The first few times he drove himself I went with him and brought the car home and would go back for him so he could do the return journey - mainly as he wasn't sure of speed limits on the local roads etc.

Original poster

WatchoutDSisdriving · 19/04/2018 16:43

Sorry thought I had posted earlier but lost it.

SimplySteve no I definitely won’t be insulting him as the main driver as it is my car and DH and I will remain the main drivers. Obviously different when he gets his own car.

The dashcam is fitted now and DS is aware that it may take a couple of days to sort the insurance out when he passes (whether this time or a future test).

We have said no to both trips. DH and I have discussed it and think a gradual driving on his own then one passenger etc is the way to go. DS seems ok about this.

As we said our fault for not thinking about this all earlier.

I think gradual is the way to go and whilst some more experienced drivers have developed bad habits, there is a lot to be said for years of experience. Being aware of the fact I would be helping to teach DS to drive was the reason I did my advanced driving test in the last few years. At least I can’t be accused to being a hypocrite when I teach him!

Thanks to all of you for your viewpoints.

OP posts:

Mrspotter12 · 19/04/2018 17:43

I had no restrictions- but my mums car did. It had a curfew and everything. If I wanted to use it I had to abide by them! Worked a treat!

WaxOnFeckOff · 19/04/2018 17:48

That all sounds good OP, he was possibly just getting a bit excited :)

All the best for his test and failing doesn't mean he isn't or won't be a good driver. DS1 was very anxious and I think he also got a very imposing tester. He was much more relaxed the 2nd test as he knew more what to expect and the tester was a more friendly man who helped him relax a little bit better.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/04/2018 17:51

All these people who put restrictions on their DCs, how do you know for sure they stuck to it? I.e. Number of mates in car etc

WaxOnFeckOff · 19/04/2018 17:52

Our insurance for him is in his name with DH and I as named drivers and it will have a box fitted as of next week but it doesn't give any restrictions other than mileage. We've insured it for the minimum 6000 miles and he can earn more by good driving. In reality he'll be lucky to do more than about 4k though. Do shop about our quotes ranged from £750 to £3500! We also had one for just over £700 but that was for 10 months and he could get a years no claims at the end of that. We opted not to do that as DS2 will need to go on the policy then so we will be back to square one anyway.

pompomcat · 19/04/2018 18:04

Must be really nerve wracking OP.
I remember I didnt want to use 'P' plates after I passed so am with your DS on that one. Just like the 'L' plates I think these attract nobbish behaviour from other drivers (like unnecessary overtaking/cutting in trying to get round someone whom they assume can't get up to speed).
I think your restrictions/dash cam sound sensible-best of luck, and hope he stays safe.

BackforGood · 19/04/2018 21:26

Pollard When I first passed my test, I thought I was the bees knees too. I was most offended when my Dad said 'Well done on passing, now you start to learn to drive'. In truth though, I am a far better driver now with years and years of experience, as the vast majority of people will be. As an individual, you might be better than your parents, and Grandparents, but generally speaking people will be far better with a few years of experience than when they first learn any skill. Surely you can acknowledge that?

Brush122 · 21/04/2018 16:09

DS passed his test this morning! He has a little run around and I insured it this afternoon for him. He says he's too nervous to drive alone at the moment though so DH went out with him earlier.

He says he doesn't want to drive unfamiliar roads either at the moment as he won't know what to do at unfamiliar junctions etc which I find a bit alarming to be honest. I've told him he need to simply apply the rules of driving he has learned.

I'm hoping that his confidence will improve quickly as he needs to make the journey alone to his part time job next week which is a five minute drive away.

Anyone else's DC reluctant to actually get out on the roads?

GeorgeTheHippo · 21/04/2018 16:31

The majority of me and my friends were the best drivers we knew after passing

No. No you weren't. There is no substitute for experience. Over confident new drivers are a massive problem.

TammySwansonTwo · 21/04/2018 16:42

When I was a teenager I knew three young people who died in car accidents, and I was a very sensible grammar school girl.

My DH only passed last year and it took him months of regular driving to drive confidently.

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