Daughter refusing to socialise

[2ducks2ducklings]

My very nearly 13 year old daughter is incredibly bright, funny and mature. She seems to be happy at school and often talks about people she interacts with during the school day. I get the impression that she isn't short of people to talk to on a day to day basis.
The problem is that during the school holidays, she completely retreats into her own little world. She will stay in her room reading for days on end if I would let her. I make her come on family outings if just to get some fresh air into her lungs. But she just won't make plans with friends. I have encouraged her to make arrangements? Even if it just for a quick walk to the park for an hour but she refuses. So I told her I want her to have made arrangements with friends for two different activities. She is begging me not to have to do this. I didn't think I was being unreasonable. I will take her and her friends wherever they have planned to be and will pay for her. Two activities in two weeks also doesn't sound excessive to me.
When I was her age I was out with friends all the time, just hanging out and not really doing much. I certainly wasn't popularism was/am shy and awkward in some social circumstances, but had a good group of close friends who I wanted to spend time with.
Am I being unreasonable by pushing her to socialise? I don't want her to fester in her room feeling miserable. Or do I just need to accept that she is perfectly happy as a 'loner' and that eventually she'll find something/someone that will make her want to venture out?
No one ever told me the tween years would be this tense!!

Confident introvert here.
I talk to people all day at work, when I come home I have nothing left and have no wish to socialise. Social events have to be very limited for me to enjoy them.

I was very similar at that age. Happy to socialise, up to a point, but always on my terms. Had my mum tried to force me to socialise when I didn’t feel like it, I would have resented it and it would have led to us falling out. Even now, I need my own space, and woe betide anyone who invades it.

Back right off and let your daughter be herself.

What lljkk said.
Well, reading the thread, what almost everyone has said.

Most dc go through a few years of not meeting friends much once they've outgrown their parents making arrangements for them, and before they are quite old enough to sort themselves out.
Let her chill.

My DD almost 16 is the same, she leaves the house to go to dance class where all of her friends are but never goes out shopping, cinema, parties or anything like that. Room and dance class, that is it. I suppose I should be grateful!

Snap.....sounds very much like my dd 12. As a parent you can't help but worry about them socially and emotionally at this age, especially when it feels like every one else is a social butterfly. I have really struggled with my dd but I have to keep reminding myself that some kids are more introvert and are happiest when in their own space. I think along as they are able to socialise when they have to then we have to let them be. I try not to push too much but every now and then I'll remind her not to isolate herself from her friends. I usually get an eye roll but then she reassures me that everything is fine with her friends. Hugs to you xxx

So basically most of us are in the same boat..kids allergic to fresh air and doing something outdoorsy
And there I was calling my kids lazy But it’s epidemic it seems

My kids prefer sitting in on there computers/phones/Nintendo thingies than be outside

I wouldn't let her stay in her room all the time. I'd make her do something every day, whether it's sport, gym, drama, dance class, cinema, running, spending time with friends, youth club...

A lot of teenagers spend their lives in their bedrooms on the Internet or playing video games all the time. It's not healthy for them, physically, mentally or socially.

Am I being unreasonable by pushing her to socialise? Sorry but yes you are! You main argument seems to be that she is not the way YOU were at that age. With respect OP, why should she be, she isn't you, she is her own person, who happens to be your daughter. Do you want a carbon copy of yourself?

I am scratching my head reading this. Yes I can understand you have some concern that she should socialise more but all things considered she is happy at home and school. Why spoil that by pushing her to do things? By all means make suggestions and offer lifts/money etc but don't insist she does xyz, that's just not fair.

Btw, she sounds exactly like my daughter who has now turned 16 yrs. I have learnt, you have to let them be themselves if whatever they are doing/not doing is working for them.

I would add that I don't agree staying in her room all the time is healthy and I agree with getting her out for walks, shops or jobs around the house or family time. It's the insistence to socialise that doesn't sit easy with me. She'll learn social skills in her own time, not by force.

There have been some really reassuring posts here. Thank you!

My daughter is 13 with a wide group of friends at school but does none of the ‘hanging out with mates’ that I expected at this stage, and I do worry about it. After she decided to go sledging on her own rather than arrange to go with friends I finally sat down and talked to her about it. She told me that while she can enjoy chatting with a small group or one-on-one for a short period of time, she finds it really hard work and stressful after a while. So school lunchtimes and dance class are fine as is hanging around with a big crowd. Other people’s parties are ok too, as the host will be directing the action. Otherwise she’s far happier on her own.

I hope, as others have found, that it’s something that will change over the next few years, but tbh, I still avoid being in 1:1 situations with all but a couple of extremely good, old friends. I’ll try to stop worrying about it, and certainly won’t try to push it any more.