What makes teenagers demanding of your time?

[goodbeans]

I’ve seen it said many times on MN that teenagers need so much of your time compared to babies. My DS is 3 and is still v demanding of my time, although he can occupy himself for 10-20mins playing on his own these days. As a baby he couldn’t be put down without crying and so I find it hard to envisage how a teen could be more demanding But I’d be interested to hear from parents of teens what makes them time-hungry/needy... what do I have ahead to look forward to?

Lifts. So many lifts.
Money lots and lots.
Need to discuss things- schoolwork, friendships etc.
House often full of unrelated teens. These days often drunk ones
But I have loved the teenage years. Great company and we get to watch good films instead of animated stuff!

Lifts everywhere, especially if they're in sport or other activities. Mine does music and dance and I feel like I'm always driving her somewhere.

And there's always something that costs money going!

However, I wouldn't trade her for a fortune and though I may gripe about being a bloody taxi service but there's a part of me that cries thinking about when she won't need me on the daily.

I wonder this too OP! I don't get it... I spent most of my teens either on my laptop chatting to friends or out with them, hardly with my parents at all. And we got on great so I wasn't avoiding them! Needed the odd lift once a week maybe. Didn't really discuss school work etc.

I don't find mine take up more time at all. As pp said requiring lifts, yes, which can become a chore,especially if all going different directions. But then I have ds who is mostly glued to pc/Xbox etc and twins who keep each other company. Luckily ds no interest in parties and twins only 13 so probably couple more years till likely to hit that issue.
They're all quite self sufficient really.

I find my teens far less demanding and a great deal more pleasant than any other point in their lives so far. i LOVE how capable they are, how they can cook and clean and wash up and fetch their own laundry, and shower and make their beds. I LOVE that the discussions we have now are about martial arts as an ART, as opposed to a violence, and around the nature of consent and boundaries.

Ok I am not keen on the smell.

But other than that, this is by far my favourite stage

Dd (13) is pretty self sufficient apart from lifts. Sigh. Tonight she has been to a party 6pm until 8pm then tomorrow wants picking from the train station after shopping.

The rest of the time she hides in her room in case she is asked to do the pots or entertain her little brother or walk the dog. Occasionally asks for help with homework. Doesn't really have fall outs with friends anymore.

The biggest PITA is taking her to the orthodontist every 8 weeks which is 10 miles away.

She's a good kid. My nephews are both 12 and are a pain though. So my teenager might not be the norm.

My oldest is away at uni now but when she was at home it was lifts to and from work/friends houses (to be fair her work wasn't on a bus route and most of her friends live miles away). Plus the odd lift to and from school (7 miles away) if she missed the bus or it didn't turn up.

Listening to her. Whether it was problems, or discussing school stuff or what she wanted to do or whatever, it was good to have her open up to me. It's hard though, you can't fix stuff when they are teens, just guide them in roughly the right direction.

I'm not sure she needed more time but she definitely still needed me as much as she did when she was younger, more on an emotional level I guess.

Teen years can be tough for them. Moving to high school, the hormones, navigating friendships, making exam decisions, the actual exams, the decisions about where to go after exams. It seems to be something all the time for about 6 or 7 years.

Now that the oldest turns 20 this year, the youngest turns 13. I have approx 2 months without a teenager before the whole thing starts again.

But teens are great. Really great. And definitely easier than juggling little ones.

Money and food.

As long as there is food in the house that he can cook he is basically self sufficient

Goes everywhere on his bike (in the day) so rarely asks for lifts.

He's bloody untidy though.

Taxi
Counselling

I try to combine the 2!

Mine don't want much of my time, money and food maybe, but the less contact they have with their "boring" parents, the better.

We are in a large village so they can walk most places they want to be or get a train.

They do need support at times with school stress etc but they are difficult to connect with and it tends to take the form of offering food, a pt on the shoulder and just being around waiting for the 30 second chat they want which is invariably after my bed time

Lifts
Watching them play sport
Watching their plays
Helping them with university choices and applications
Driving them to university interviews as we don’t have much public transport
Helping them budget for university
Reading essays for them (not writing them for them!)
Helping them source clothes to wear to work or for interviews

And unlike toddlers, their peak hours are just as you want to go to bed.

One of mine is no problem. One is a constant worry, I worry about him all day every day.
When he was little I never worried at all!

I think its more you like to be there. You re conscious that they need to know you are around. I wouldn't have liked them to think they could get up to stuff because l wasn't there. I remember hating coming home to an empty house as a teen and it seldom happened. I didnt have much extra work with them but couldn't go off for a weekend and leave them with my dm so didn't go anywhere for a few years. That is actually one of the good bits of them being away at college. So its more your presence than anything l think.

I don't find having teens takes up anywhere near as much time as having little ones. Although, as pp have said, they do need a lot of lifts!

I find it's more mentally draining - constant worry about where they are, who they're with, what they're doing. Are they studying enough? Too much? What will they do when they leave school? Will they get into Uni? How will they cope at Uni?

Then there's all the hormones and emotion and drama. You can go for days without a peep out of them, then, wham! The world is ending!

I find having to constantly be on my teens case to do stuff is mentally draining too. They also cost a fortune!

Having said all that, I love mine to bits, and do prefer the teens years to the having toddlers!

Personal pampering!!
Spots squeezed.
Face pack peeled.
Eyebrow plucking.
Nails clipped.
I am talking about ds's.

Lifts, watching them play sport (until recently most of Sunday every single week gone), wanting to go shopping, last minute emergency bits for sport, food tech, tonight she's come home with a damn goldfish in a tiny tank so tomorrow will be shopping and sorting that out 😠. Talking about school, colleges, support with school work, clubs, there's always something. Trouble with her dad (he's a tit) has taken up a fair bit of time recently. She always wants to talk to me when I've gone to bed as well.

Clothes shopping
Buying food
Making food (constantly)
Lifts everywhere
Hosting sleepovers
Strange Hungry teens invading our home, sleeping over, needing lifts (occasionally getting drunk and needing supervision)
Constant tidying up
Huge mountain of laundry
Help with homework
Help with studying
Proof reads by essays
Listening to speeches
Help getting a job for extra money
Lifts to job
Prom suit / dress buying (hours and hours)
Driving lessons
DofE skills / sports / vollunteering
Lifts to sports practice
Watch sports matches
Shopping trips to buy sports equipment
Taking friends out for meals / cinema etc.
Hosting language exchange students
Lots of long talks (advice on school, friendships, relationships, money etc)
Lots of hours helping mend broken hearts
Help with university choices
Visiting open days
University applications
Long walks to get perfect photo for Instagram
Haircuts
Bra fittings
Taking them & friends to concerts / festivals
.....really loving every minute of it (but I miss those days when they were toddlers and they were upstairs tucked up safe and I knew exactly where they were at all times)

Having said all that I do find them very rewarding, witty & appreciative and really good company. They give big hugs and help carry the shopping in and operate all technology for me!

Thanks for all your replies! You’ve made me feel like there are lots of fun and interesting times ahead. Totally take on board about all the lifts though (although if no one in the car is crying or screaming that they need a poo then I think I’ll be winning )

Worrying

Lying awake waiting for them to come in or worrying about them at a party.

Trying to get them to tidy their rooms.
Trying to get them out of their rooms to enjoy family time.

Watching stuff you don't want to watch on TV just to spend some time with them - Top Gear, I'm a Celeb, Snog/marry/avoid

Goodbeans it is great when everyone can put on their own seatbelt. They don't bicker in the car now (mostly) but love singing along to Now that's what I call country, "Like a rhinestone cowboy.."

We also go to the pub with a pack of cards for cider or shandy or coke depending on age.

Nobody drops food on the floor. But they are hungry all the time.

They don't go to bed or to sleep so i never get to have proper chat with DH

I seem to have spent a lot of time recently going through application forms with my dc3
Prom dress shopping
Shoe shopping
Doing some of her share of the household jobs so she can focus on getting some school work done.

It really is FAR easier than with a 3 yr old though, and a lot of fun and good times. It is different. As Peggy sad, it is wonderful when they can all plug themselves into the seatbelts in the car.
It is then wonderful when they get to an age when you can leave them home alone for a short while.

Teens can be demanding of your time, but it is in a very different way from a 3 yr old.

I don't think they are demanding of your time really, not in the way a 3 year old is. DH and I have 6 between us. Right this moment one is showering, one is out for a driving lesson, one is playing computer games, one is studying, one is traveling home from uni, and one is still asleep. None of these things are demanding any attention from DH or me.

What you do have though is a constant mental checklist of things to resolve or sort out with them. Eg, in the last 24 hours, I've had a conversation with DS about arranging a careers appointment at college (he's reluctant), helped DSD sort out a lost driving license and rebook her theory test, tried to pursuade a hospital receptionist to call DSS directly about his appointment, and had long discussions with 14 year old DD who is hosting a party tonight but was csught sneaking alcohol into the jelly she made.... A very difficult set of worries from when they were small.

I think they're demanding of your mental energy rather than your time though really. And I do like getting enough sleep and having a lie in at the weekends :)

Completely different. No way as demanding of time but you have to be there for them.
For me it’s:
Listening to their woes & supporting them with friend issues
Lifts to various places
Paying for stuff
Shopping
Checking they’re doing homework/revising & not wasting their life watching Netflix/gaming/instagramming etc

I feel it’s a case of giving them space but letting them know you’re there for them (and keeping an eye from a distance).

ANd a lot of worrying!!