Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Can I remove my teenagers phone if he bought it himself?

40 replies

alexandra009 · 26/02/2018 21:38

My teenage son is addicted to his smartphone.
I would like to remove it from him and replace it with a phone that has basic call and text functions and nothing more, as I am hoping this will be less of a distraction.
However, although he is under 18, he has bought the phone with his own money.
Would it, therefore, be illegal for me to remove the phone from him?

OP posts:
CoffeenoTea · 26/02/2018 21:41

How old is he? few mo ths from 18 ni i wouldn't bother. But i would turn WiFi off when i went to bed outetc .

Original poster
alexandra009 · 26/02/2018 21:49

He has just turned 15 years old. In the past, I have threatened to confiscate it however he has argued that I have no right to do that because he has bought the phone himself.

OP posts:
Idontmeanto · 26/02/2018 22:03

You are his parent and you have every righ you need to parent him in the manner you see fit and the cheeky bugger definately needs reminding of the fact! In practice locking him out of the WiFi would be easier. The fact he tried the “you can’t” line, to me, is the reason you need to show him you can and must!

NorthernSpirit · 26/02/2018 22:19

You’re the parent, to decide. If he wants to play that game, fine - turn off the WiFi which you pay for!

Original poster
alexandra009 · 26/02/2018 22:40

Thanks for the replies everyone. But does anyone know if it is actually legal for me to take it or would this technically count as 'theft'?

OP posts:
Original poster
alexandra009 · 26/02/2018 22:41

I am from the UK

OP posts:
quantiestillecanisinfenestra · 26/02/2018 22:42

Yes you can, you're his parent. Can you imagine the police response if he rang them up to say his mum had taken his phone? Grin

DecisionTree · 26/02/2018 22:50

Who actually pays for the phone useage?

My Ds bought his own phone but I pay the contract.

upsideup · 26/02/2018 22:56

I think you need to give him the money for the phone if you are going to take it away from him.
I wouldnt make my children pay for their own phone untill they are 18 because I want to fairly be able to take it away from them if I need to. I think making him pay for his own phone gives him the responsability and ownership of the phone rather than you.

Original poster
alexandra009 · 26/02/2018 22:59

Hi DecisionTree,
I pay the phone bills and it is part of a contract that myself and my daughter also share, so, unfortunately, it can't be solved by simply cancelling the contract.
He can also access the internet via our house wifi. Because I am not computer savvy my son has set up all of the tech in our house, including the router. Therefore I am unsure how to go about limiting his access if need be.
My son is extremely tech smart and very good at arguing, which makes things difficult for me as I hate tech and arguing.

OP posts:
Original poster
alexandra009 · 26/02/2018 23:06

Hi Upsidedown,
Yes, I would be willing to give him the money for his phone if I were to permanently remove it. I think that is fair.
However while you may feel it is unfair to take the phone he has brought away from him, it may also be considered unfair to restrict what he chooses to spend his money on. I did not want him to buy a smartphone but at the time I that I couldn't tell him what he can and cannot buy (within reasonable terms). So I don't think there is a clear moral solution to this.
I am also aware of the damage that constant and unlimited access to the internet and social media is doing to my son, and I feel it is my duty as his parent to protect him from that, although he may not see it this way.

OP posts:
Mrsfucktrumpet · 26/02/2018 23:25

Can i ask how did he pay for it ? Does he have a job or with pocket money ? Is it a seperate handset and sim card deal ?

quantiestillecanisinfenestra · 26/02/2018 23:42

OP from one tech un-savvy person to another:

1)Locate router - it's attached to the telephone plug.

  1. pull the plug out

  2. hide router in car

If you pay for the contract, then you're in control of his data access. Ring up your provider and ask for help if you're unsure about how to change things. DO NOT let your fourteen year old order you around like this. Flowers

NorthernSpirit · 27/02/2018 07:18

He is 15 years old (just). You are in charge, not him!

‘My son is good at arguing which makes it difficult for me’

‘I did not want him to buy..... but I couldn’t tell him’

‘It may be unfair to restrict what he chooses....’

You really need to step up and start parenting him. You are being ruled by a 14/15 year old child. You’re in charge, if you don’t like him being in the phone all the time do something about it.

BoobleMcB · 27/02/2018 07:22

If you're paying for the contract then you are paying for the phone OP. I'm guessing he paid the upfront cost of the device? Usually between £10-£100 depending on phone rather than the £600-1200 to buy it outright.

If this is the case then a large percentage of the monthly contract cost is for the handset

OliviaStabler · 27/02/2018 07:23

What harm do you think it is doing to him?

numbereightyone · 27/02/2018 07:23

I don't think any jury would convict you!

tissuesosoft · 27/02/2018 07:26

When I first working in schools I spoke to a parent whose son was known to be abit of a troublemaker (at home too). He tried to confiscate his son’s PlayStation as a punishment for misbehaviour. His son pointed out he paid for it out of his own money (birthday, Christmas etc). So his dad took the leads instead and pointed out he pays the electric bill. Was quite genius!

mumsypig14 · 27/02/2018 07:28

Teenagers dont use text/call to communicate with each other they use Snapchat instagram etc which you need a smart phone for. I think you'd be very unreasonable to limit a 15year old's phone time whether he paid or not.

FissionChips · 27/02/2018 07:31

My 15 year old DN did actually phone the police because his mother confiscated his phone, the police turned up and told him off for not listening to his mother Grin

numbereightyone · 27/02/2018 07:35

Really mumsypig ?

PerfumeIsAMessage · 27/02/2018 07:41

Don't replace it with anything. Just remove it as a sanction if his behaviour warrants it.
He's under your roof. He plays by the rules.

LizzieSiddal · 27/02/2018 07:41

I think you'd be very unreasonable to limit a 15year old's phone time whether he paid or not.

I thibk you’d be very unreasonable NOT to limit a15 yo’s phonr time.

LizzieSiddal · 27/02/2018 07:41

Excuse typos

BeyondThePage · 27/02/2018 07:45

Phones are a part of life now - the kids even use them in the classroom or for helping with coursework etc. Take the phone away and what then... It is a big recurring argument to force - it will not stop.

We made rules.

No phones at table, 9pm curfew on a before school night, no phones upstairs or on overnight. We adults follow the same rules and lead by example.