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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Family wedding during GCSE exams - AIBU

45 replies

BlueSkyBurningBright · 24/02/2018 09:42

DD (15) just told me that she has been invited to a wedding in June. The wedding is a cousin of her fathers, who lives in another part of the UK. She is very excited and loves weddings.

I pointed out that it is a weekend in the middle of her GCSE exams, and so she can not go. She will need to be away from Friday to Sunday and will be tired and get no revision that weekend. They are doing the new GCSE curriculum and it is very tough for them. She is predicted A and B's and I want her to do as well as she can. I am sure she knows this as she is a hard working student and keen to get good results.

Ex Dh is saying that she should go to the wedding as it is family, I said that her exams are more important.

AIBU? What would other parents do in the same circumstances.

OP posts:
NC4Now · 24/02/2018 09:44

My DS is in Year 11 and it is looking intense. I would say no too. If it was just a day I’d let her go, but a full weekend away is too much at that time.

AlexanderHamilton · 24/02/2018 09:44

I’ve got a whole thread on this exact situation except it’s dd who doesn’t want to go.

BlondeB83 · 24/02/2018 09:45

She could revise Sunday afternoon and on the way down on Friday. I would let her go.

Midnightpony · 24/02/2018 09:45

I'm not sure how the education system works there - are her GCSEs her final exams? If they are not, do they have a bearing on what she will be allowed take for her final exams (streaming etc)

Tbh I think the exams are more important but if they're not final ones maybe the wedding, seeing as she'll be grumpy anyway if she's not allowed go and her dad wants her to go too.

PragmaticWench · 24/02/2018 09:46

Absolutely not, her exams are too important to mess about with.

Topseyt · 24/02/2018 09:46

I would say no as well. GCSEs trump the wedding of a distant (to her) relative, who she might rarely see.

Ragwort · 24/02/2018 09:47

Very difficult, if it was my family I would not be accepting an invitation to a wedding during my DS's GCSE exams, however when parents are separated it can easily look as though your views are more important than your ex DH's.

I am planning a big celebration this year which will clash with my neice's A levels, my brother (very nicely) explained that she might not be able to attend which I fully understand (although this would only be a lunch with less than an hour's drive each way - not exactly a weekend - but I respect the views of the 'student'.).

If your DD is a hard working student anyway maybe she will be OK with a break before the exams and not cramming in any last minute revision.

Talk to her about how she will plan her studying around the wedding.

KnockMeDown · 24/02/2018 09:47

What is her exam schedule the week after the wedding? Does she have an exam first thing on Monday?

MaureenMLove · 24/02/2018 09:48

What date is it in June? Have you checked to see what exams she'll have left to do, before you make a decision?

MaureenMLove · 24/02/2018 09:49

Math is either Monday 7th or 14th June. I checked that at work yesterday for something!

Candlelights · 24/02/2018 09:49

I'd let her go. She can revise lots the week before, and on the Sunday (before or after the journey) You can also get revision apps on a phone that my DS used during car journies.

The alternative is you try to stop her, get into a big dispute with your ex (who is probably within his rights to take her, assuming he'd normally have her that weekend) and cause lots of stress for DD, which won't do her revision much good.

If she's a hard working student she'll hopefully use the break for the wedding to motivate herself to work hard beforehand

LIZS · 24/02/2018 09:49

Do you have an exam schedule yet? A few days off full-on revision is fine if she has an easier week afterwards. She can revise while travelling, online, going over notes, learning quotations etc.

Original poster
BlueSkyBurningBright · 24/02/2018 09:54

Midnightpony The GCSE exams are the final ones they do at 16. The next stage are A levels or more vocational studies. The GCSE results impact on what A levels they are allowed to do and are also a consideration when applying to university. So they are important.

If it were a day and local I would not have a problem. Taking up the whole weekend worries me, she will be tired and could have a exam at 8.30 on the Monday morning.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 24/02/2018 09:55

Let her go. She can't just study for weeks on end the break will help her

Megs4x3 · 24/02/2018 09:55

Ex teacher here - I would let her go as the wedding is in the middle of the exams providing she has a revision plan that allows for it that she has stuck to. Frankly, revision done in the days leading up to the exam isn't all that valuable if the work has been learned properly before hand and the intense exam period can be very, very draining. Let her have a break in the middle - it will do her good overall. And honestly, In my experience the pupils who didn't cram until the last minute but paced themselves more generally did better than those who did and had a less stressful time of it. Get her to take something to look over when travelling and you will have a happy daughter who will concentrate fully on the revision and exams without wasting time being resentful.

TheSecondOfHerName · 24/02/2018 09:56

If it's the first weekend in half term, I would let her go, as she'll need a break by then, and she can spend the rest of that week revising before exams start again.

If it's any other weekend during exams, I would strongly discourage her from going. Dropping a grade in a couple of subjects could turn out to be the difference between a place on a college/university course or not.

MrsMoastyToasty · 24/02/2018 10:00

I'd let her go. If she hasn't learned/revised by the weekend before her exams then more fool her. It will be a good chance for her to work out a revision schedule in advance, and a life lesson if she hasn't.

Candlelights · 24/02/2018 10:01

You don't have to guess at whether she might have an exam on the Monday morning - the exam boards should have all published the timetable by now. If the school can't give you her personal timetable you can look it up online with the relavent exam boards.

You may find she has most of her key exams in May and that they're tailing off a bit by a week or two into June.

Conversely if you do find she's a really heavy week following the wedding that is something she and her dad should be aware of before they decide to go to the wedding

LIZS · 24/02/2018 10:01

She might have one on Monday am or she might not have any until mid week or later. You should be able to check that now before determining your advice. However if your h/ex? Is supporting her going you may just have to compromise. Could she come home earlier by train if there is one on Monday?

Coolaschmoola · 24/02/2018 10:05

I'm a GCSE teacher and I'd let her go. As previously mentioned cramming isn't particularly effective, if she has revised properly the rest of the time then she'll be fine and the break will be beneficial. Better than burnout which is a possibility later in the exam run.

NC4Now · 24/02/2018 10:07

Definitely check her exam timetable. We were given it, along with a revision plan, this week.

Curtainshopping · 24/02/2018 10:08

Think you need to find out the exam schedule before you decide this

Original poster
BlueSkyBurningBright · 24/02/2018 10:11

Thanks for the advice. I remember with my DS his exams did not finish till near the end of June. I will see if I can check the timetable.

I am not that worried about the lack of revision, it is being tired after a family party that concerns me.

She will be 16 then, so I will not stop her if she really wants to go. I think the compromise could be if she does not have an exam on the Monday then I will not object.

OP posts:
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 24/02/2018 10:17

I think 16 yo must be very different from when I was that age as I wouldn’t be asking if I could go but letting my parents know I was going.

TheJoyOfSox · 24/02/2018 10:26

Will one weekend off from revision really do more harm than good? I very much doubt it.

It will probably do her more good to forget about exams, revision, school, options for 6th form etc.